By Rebel40000 (Ring Man)
Narrator: Oh what a beautiful morning~, oh what a beautiful day~, I
have a beautiful feeling--
Cossack:
*Holding his head* That everything has gone astray.
Pharaoh:
What's with you, doctor?
Cossack: Ugh, remind me to never chug a bottle of Nyquil after taking
an entire bottle of Tylenol.
Dive:
What the
heck is wrong with you?
Cossack: I live with you worthless dolts. How else am I supposed to
react?
Toad:
That's okay we still love you!
Cossack: Get the hell away from me.
Drill:
*Eating* Sheesh, you guys are so noisy.
Dust:
I'll say. Don't you know that when you are eating at the table
you should show proper etiquette by not talking while chewing your
food?
Narrator: Everyone pauses and looks at Sean. They then turn their gaze
onto Keba, who was still shoving a taco down her throat.
Bright:
Whut?
Kalinka: You
know, I've just realized that Rebel is absent from the table today.
Cossack: Another worthless dolt! All he does is run around screaming
stupid things, drink Coca-Cola, and blow up my inventions with his mere
presence!
Toad:
Nothing wrong with that!
Cossack: Yes there is!
Skull: How so?
Cossack: Like... uh... *thinks* ...It just is!
Skull: Me thinks you are simply delusional from all of the crap you
have been drinking, injecting, and inhaling as of late.
Cossack: Don't forget about snorting.
Skull: Ah, yes. And snorting. Lots and lots of snorting.
Cossack: Thank yo--WAIT. *bangs head on the table*
Drill:
Not like
this conversation isn't reeking of intelligence, I am
wondering where Rebel is.
Narrator: As if on cue, Rebel slowly came downstairs, his eyes
scrunched up, making him look like he had just woken up and the sun was
too bright.
Everyone (except Cossack): Morning, Rebel!
Ring:
Morning.
Bright: What wrong with joo, boy?
Ring:
Nothing.
Narrator: And so the Comrade's continue to have breakfast. Afterward...
Dive:
Hey Rebel, AM doesn't want to play any video games, so how about
it?
Ring: No
thank you.
Dive:
...Say, are you all right? You've been looking like that ever
since you came downstairs.
Ring:
What do you mean?
Pharaoh: He means you have a really strange look on your face and it is
starting weird us all out.
Dust:
Seriously, if anything is wrong just tell us.
Toad:
This is
true!
Ring:
Oh, well... I have a reason.
Dive:
Oh?
Ring:
Yes... I have decided to practice in the ancient art of kung-fu.
Pharaoh: ...What?
Ring: Do
not question the kung-fu! *karate chops Jade's arm off*
Pharaoh: HOLY sh**!! MY ARM!! HE KARATE CHOPPED MY FREAKING ARM OFF!!
*falls to the floor screaming in pain*
Dive:
Wow.
Dust:
Amazing.
Toad:
NICE!!
Narrator: The other Comrades eventually came in to see what was up.
Drill:
Jade? What the heck happened here?
Pharaoh: *Flailing about* MY ARM!! KUNG-FU!! REBEL!! PAIN!!
Drill:
Say no more. *to Rebel* What did you do?
Ring: I
showed him my kung-fu skills.
Drill:
You don't take kung-fu.
Ring:
Says who?
Drill:
Says the guy who drives you everywhere.
Ring:
Touché.
Skull: That must have been a powerful blow to take off your arm with
one chop. And to attack an ally like that with no warning... *rubs his
chin*
Bright: Joo better not be doin' no wrongin'!
Skull: You wound me. Do I honestly look like I would backstab the very
people who took me in?
Dive:
Actually...
Dust:
Yeah, you do.
Skull: Damn. Oh well.
Drill:
In all seriousness, let's find out the reasoning behind this.
Let's go, guys!
Narrator: Thus the Comrades set off on a quest to find why Rebel is
acting so strangely... They go to many places...
Mr. Incredible: Nope, none of our super villains have been messing with
you guys.
Narrator: And more places...
Dr.
Wily: I haven't had time to bother you suckers! I've been at war
with my lunatic robots for a week now and I--*hair gets caught on
fire*--WATER!! I NEED WATER!!
Narrator: And other places...
King Met: What?
Rebel? Is he that guy with the rubber ducky?
Narrator: To even stranger places...
Magna Centipede: I'd punch him in the face and hand him a bunch of
ninja gear! SCREW KARATE!!
Narrator: Possibly even similar places...
Dr.
Wily: WHERE
THE HECK IS THAT WATER?!
Narrator: They finally head back home...
Drill:
Man, I'm beat.
Toad:
This is very true!
Pharaoh: *Has his arm duct taped on* Even after all that looking around
we still didn't find any clues...
Skull: I say we follow that Magna Centipede guy's advice and punch him
in the face. Several times. With a knife.
Bright: Violence ain't teh answer, boy!
Dive:
Most we can do now is let the doctor check him.
Drill:
Sounds good to me.
Narrator: And so the Comrades take Rebel to Cossack...
Drill:
Doctor, can you check up on Rebel for us?
Cossack: What's this, all of a sudden?
Dive:
He's been acting weird.
Dust:
Really weird.
Toad: I
think he's even crazier than I am right now!
Cossack: All right, all right. I'll see what can I do. Just bring him
in here and wait downstairs in the living room.
Narrator: Zymeth and Jade lead Rebel to Cossack's lab and leave him
there with Cossack.
Cossack: Okaaaaay. So what's the problem, Rebel?
Ring:
=.=
Cossack: Um... hello?
Ring:
=.=
Cossack: What in the world are you doing?
Ring:
Making kung-fu face. =.=
Cossack: Why...?
Ring:
Makes me look like kung-fu man. =.=
Cossack: I see... So, why are you so into kung-fu all of a sudden?
Ring: ME
MAKE MORE SERIOUS KUNG-FU FACE OKAY?
Cossack: Uh, right...
Ring:
==============.==============
Cossack: *sweat drops*
Ring: Me
make sensei proud.
Cossack: You aren't making any sense, Rebel.
Ring:
WHO YO SENSEI?!
Cossack: What did you just say to me?!
Ring:
HIYAAAAAAAAH!!! *karate chops*
Cossack: EEEK!! *dodges*
Narrator: Rebel starts to karate chop all of Cossack's equipment and
machines, until they all explode, leaving a giant hole on the side of
the citadel! Everyone in the building races to the scene...
Kalinka: What happened here? Father?!
Cossack: Oh what a beautiful morning... what a beautiful day... I have
a beautiful feeling...
Narrator: *Sigh* That everything has gone astray.
Drill:
My god, Rebel! What the heck is wrong with you?
Pharaoh: Yeah man! Stop with the kung-fu!
Skull: Even this goes beyond my standards. How detestable.
Ring:
Stop... kung-fu?
Everyone: Yes!
Ring:
...EVIL!! *starts karate chopping everyone present*
Everyone: AAHHHHHHH!!!
Narrator: The next day...
Toad:
*covering a large box with tape* Tape is fun!
Drill:
*covered in tape* Yeah. Sure. Whatever.
Dust: Do
you think we are making the right choice?
Cossack: He attacked everyone and destroyed everything. He has got to
go!
Kalinka: I agree. We don't know what has got into him... but that
karate chop movement... I must learn it as well! *karate chops Cossack
into oblivion*
Cossack: Ow! Hey! Stop! What did I do?! *runs away*
Toad:
*Gets up* All done!!
Pharaoh: All right, then I'll send him to the post office.
Dive:
Let's say goodbye to our old comrade! *salutes*
Narrator: Everyone else salutes as Jade takes Rebel's packaged form to
the post office. When he comes back, he is by himself.
Pharaoh: Whew... well, it's done.
Skull: So he's gone?
Pharaoh: Yep.
Narrator: The Comrades suddenly realize how quiet it is without Rebel.
Bright: It quiet.
Dive:
Yeah...
Drill:
You know, I think I--
Cossack: DAMNIT KALINKA STOP HITTING ME!!
Kalinka: HOW DARE YOU YELL AT YOUR DAUGHTER!! *continues karate
chopping*
Drill:
...Nope, nevermind.
Dive:
AM! I challenge you to a game of Madden 4624!
Drill:
You're on!
Narrator: And so life continued for the Comrades. Elsewhere, however...
DING DONG
Crash:
*Opens the door* Yeeeees?
UPS Man: Package for one Dr. Wily!
Crash: I'll take it for him.
UPS Man: Sure thing, just sign on the dotted line. *hands him a pen and
clipboard*
Crash: *Takes them and signs it* There.
UPS Man: Thank you! *leaves*
Crash: *Looks at the package* Hmm... wonder what's in it?
Narrator: Darksage takes the package and carries it into the Wily's
Warrior's living room, where the other members are lounging.
Metal:
Oooh, a package! Is it for me? What's in it? Is it for me?
What's in it? Is it for me? What's in it? Is it for me? What's in--
Heat:
*Punches Naoshi, killing him*
Narrator: As Mr. Whiz comes in to carry off Naoshi, the rest of the
members are deciding what to do with it.
Quick: I
say we open it.
Bubble:
But isn't it for Wily?
Quick: So?
Wood: We should follow orders and wait for Wily to open it.
Quick: Or... we could open it now and save him the trouble of opening
it himself later.
Flash: Ooh,
good idea! *starts to pull on the tape* I hope there's
something good inside, like a Totodile!
Heat:
*Knocks Cyros out of the way* Shut the hell up you moron. I'll
open it. *sets the box on fire*
Air: Hey uh... do you think that was really a good idea?
Heat:
Do you want to meet my foot?
Air: *Shuts up*
Heat: C'mon! Burn! Then we can see what crap Wily buys so we can maim
him with it!
Quick: Hey, I think I see something!
Ring: IT
HOT I KUNG-FU YOU!!
Everyone: Wha?
Ring:
HIYAAAAAAH!! *leaps out of the fire and kicks Heat in the face,
then uses it as a springboard to bounce off him and cling onto the
ceiling fan*
Wood: It's a bird!
Bubble: It's a plane!
Quick: No, it's--
Heat: DEAD
MEAT!!!
Narrator: Ben starts jumping up and down in vain to catch Rebel who was
holding on for dear life.
Ring:
Hah! Short man too-too short to reach! Kung-fu prevail!!
Heat:
Grrr... I'M GONNA KILL YOU!! *runs out of the room and comes back
with a machine gun*
Warriors: AHH!! *runs out*
Metal: *Enters* Ahh, I feel much better. Hey guys, what's going on?
*gets shot by Ben and dies*
Heat:
*Laughing maniacally as the clip runs out of ammo* How was that?!
Ring:
Your silly weapon has no effect on me! *drops multiple bullets
out of his hands*
Heat: ...No
way.
Air: *Peeks into the room* Is anyone dead in here?
Heat: Naoshi
is.
Air: Oh thank God!
Narrator: As Mr. Whiz comes by again to pick Naoshi up, Wily eventually
enters to see what is going on.
Dr.
Wily: Interesting. So, you are telling me that the Comrades packaged
Rebel in a box and shipped him here?
Crash: Yeah, that's about right.
Dr.
Wily: Obviously it was an attempt by that fool Cossack to sabotage me!
Well, it looks like he failed. Mwahahahah.
Ballade: What should we do, Dr. Wily?
Bass: Hey, that's my line!
Ballade: Not in a CC epilogue, it isn't!
Quick: *coughs* Suck ups.
Bass and Ballade: What did you say?!
Quick: Eh? What're you talking about?
Dr.
Wily: Quiet! I am thinking... yes... I've got it!
Wood: Alzheimer's?
Dr.
Wily: Shut up. Tomorrow... war!! *laughs*
Narrator: The next day the Comrade's are seen outside in a big grassy
field. AM is holding a letter, reading it.
Drill:
"Come wait for us in the big grassy field. We will be waiting
with the golden tacos. Signed, Wily's Warriors." *looks at Keba* Just
how did you get us to go with this ridiculous plan?
Bright: Nevah question teh tacos!
Dive:
Quiet guys, I think I see someone coming.
Quick: *Runs up to Jade* Hey, I've got a present for you! *hands him a
bomb and runs off*
Pharaoh: This can't be good for me. *explodes*
Drill:
Crap--It's a trap!
Skull: All right, then let's kill them all!
Narrator: As Zymeth said those words both the Comrades and the Warriors
started duking it out. Neither side shows any sign of stopping and
halfway through things started to heat up.
Bubble: *Panting* Man... these guys are... good...
Air: *to Wood* What do you think our chances are?
Wood: Well, Naoshi has died four times since this fight started, but
they only have seven guys, so we are even.
Skull: What are you guys whispering about?
Metal: About how your momma is sooooooo fat, she--*is stabbed by
Zymeth's scythe and dies*
Skull: Never use such a redundant joke EVER again. Do you comprehend
that?
Heat: ROAR VIOLENCE BLOODSHED MURDER DEATH DESTRUCTION!!
Dive:
Them's fightin' words! *readies a missile*
Quick: Wait! Can't we like, work this out or something?
Pharaoh: You set us up the bomb.
Toad: And
how!!
Narrator: The Comrades slowly started to advance toward the Warriors,
who's confidence and morale was slowly starting to deteriorate.
Dr.
Wily: Stop!
Comrades: Huh?
Dr.
Wily: That's right! Now that you have all been good little boys and
girls and fought for a while, I am going to finish you Comrades off
once and for all!
Drill:
And just how are you going to do that?
Dr.
Wily: Thought you would never ask! Come on out, Rebel!
Ring:
Hey all.
Pharaoh: Rebel?!
Toad: And
how!!
Skull: You backstabber! Although I must admit that was rather evil of
you...
Drill:
Rebel, why are you helping Wily?
Ring: ME
PRACTICE MORE KUNG-FU GOGO!! *karate chops AM*
Drill:
Ow. *hits him back*
Ring:
*Hits back*
Drill:
*Hits back*
Heat: *Joins in and hits AM*
Drill:
*Hits Rebel*
Ring:
*Hits Ben*
Heat: *Hits AM*
Drill:
*Hits Rebel*
Ring:
*Hits Ben*
Heat: *Hits AM*
Drill:
*Hits Rebel*
Ring:
*Hits Ben*
Heat: *Hits AM*
Drill:
*Hits Rebel*
Ring:
*Hits Ben*
Heat: *Sets them both on fire*
Ring and
Drill: HOT!! *starts running around sporadically*
Toad:
Wee!! *mimics them*
Dr.
Wily: This is pathetic.
Dive:
You started it.
Bright: Boy, you best start repentin'!
Dr.
Wily: Or not. Get them, Warriors!
Narrator: The Warriors turn the tables by slowly advancing on the
remaining Comrades.
Crash: Hope you all don't take this personally.
Air: We'll be sure to make good use of your parts, though.
Flash: I'm gonna make me some Steel-type Pokémon!
Everyone: Shut up about Pokémon!
Drill:
*Uses the stop, drop and roll method to put himself out* Wait,
Rebel! Why are we doing this? We need to save our friends!
Ring:
*Put himself out using a kung-fu technique* Save... friends?
Drill:
Yeah! Have you really lost that much?
Ring:
Lost... much?
Drill:
I mean, sheesh... all this for some silly old kung-fu? You would
let your friends die because of it?
Ring:
...
Drill:
Well?
Ring:
...You were the guys that put me in the box and sent me to Dr.
Wily.
Drill:
*Smacks Rebel* Don't question your leader.
Ring:
Sorry.
Drill:
Now get out there and kick some Wily butt!
Ring:
SIR!! *runs over to Wily* Hi.
Dr.
Wily: Oh, you're back. Good, then you can help the Warriors destroy
your friends. Heheheh... of the all the humiliation for that Cossack to
face... having his own robot assist in such an act!
Ring:
So, uh...
Dr.
Wily: What? What is it?
Ring: ME
NO KUNG-FU AND I GO BOOM SHAKALAKA!! *karate chops Wily's
saucer, causing it to explode*
Dr.
Wily: EEEEK!! SOMEONE SAVE ME!!
Metal: *Runs onto the scene* Uh-oh! Dr. Wily is in trouble! RETREAT!!
Narrator: The Warriors quickly run away leaving the Comrades behind...
and Dr. Wily.
Dr.
Wily: Gah! You idiots aren't supposed to run unless I say so! Wait for
me!! *chases after them*
Dive:
And that is a wrap.
Drill:
Let's go back home, guys.
Dust:
With Rebel as well?
Drill:
Yeah, why not? He saved our lives. He deserves it.
Ring:
YAY!!
Bright: I smellz a taco party!
Narrator: And so the Comrades all left the battlefield, hand-in-hand,
as they all sang a happy song.
Ring:
Happy song? ME NO LIKEY!! *karate chops*
Narrator: *Screams as he is K.O.'d*
The End
Cossack's Comrades |
|||||
AM as Drill Man ![]() |
Sean as Dust Man ![]() |
Geoff as Dive Man ![]() |
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Keba as Bright Babe ![]() |
Zymeth as Skull Man ![]() |
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Rebel40000 as Ring Man ![]() |
Jade as Pharaoh Man ![]() |
Zapper as Toad Girl ![]() |