Cossack's Comrades

Cossack's Comrades Alpha Season 3 Epilogue 10
More then Meets the Eye

Narrator: At the Decipticon Underwater base, Starscream find something interesting….

Starscream: Hmm? The human named Michael Bay is making a movie about us, and I’m in it! Well of course I should.

*Reads more*

Starscream: Ha! That buffoon Megatron gets Frozen and I lead! Excellent! Mr. Bay should be commended. He realizes my superiority to Megatron! I wonder….how will I look like?

*Finds it*


Megatron: Whats going on Starscream? You are pissing me off. *Looks at the screen* What the hell are you looking at?

Starscream: The human named Bay is making a movie about us, BUT I LOOK LIKE SHIT!

Soundwave: Michael Bay: Superior. Starscream: Inferior.

Megatron: Heh. I am sorry Starscream. It appears you are stuck with a crappy design. Soundwave, pull up my design.

Soundwave: Computing Lord Megatron. Success. Behold you.

*And a picture of Movie Megatron appears.*

Megatron:…a robot Sasquatch? A METAL YETTI!!!!!!!! HE DIES!!!!!

*The trio goes to the Space Bridge Entrance*

Megatron: Skywarp, Thundercracker, Soundwave, and Starscream will accompany me to the surface to find Bay. Shockwave, you will assume control while we are gone. Understood?

Shockwave: Yes Almighty Megatron.


Narrator: Meanwhile in Russia.

Cossack: You guys wont believe this. I just scored…

Toad: Congrats. I’d rather not hear about your private life.

Cossack: …insolent taod…anyway behold! 10 tickets to an advanced screening of Transformers the Movie!

Drill: The Bay one or the classic one?

Cossack: Bay.

Comrades: Aw!

Cossack: HEY! THESE WERE FREE! If you want I can give these to the Wilys Warriors.

Ring: For the love of Job no!

Drill: Thank you Cossack. We will be glad to take these off your hands.

Cossack: Oh no! We are all going! …Well except Jay and Silent Bob. They are at a Drug Dealers thing this week so they cannot attend. But we can!

Kalinka: Oh Father you have done something right for once. Amazing.

Skull: I do not know. Movies are not my thing.

Toad: Aw come on Zy, It could be fun. You need to get out more.

Skull: Very well.

Drill: Comrades: Roll Out!

Dive: I knew it would be something cliché like that.

*At the premiere the Comrades meet an old friend: Gauntlet!*

Drill: Oh you got a free pass too?

Gauntlet:…thats a secret…

Dust: I call you out on that Gauntlet!

Gauntlet: Shut up!

*Suddenly a big limo pulls up and out comes Michael Bay, Don Murphy, and Tom DeSanto*

Ring: Oh Mr. Bay! I love your work! The Island is a cinematic masterpiece!

Bay: Well thank you. Someone finally loves my films.

Gauntlet: Didn't you make Pearl Harbor?

Bay: Why yes I did. My best work after Transformers I think.

Pharaoh: Dude, it sucked.

Dust: It sucked more then me.


Dust: Oh come on!

Don: Enjoy the movie every one.

DeSanto: It will certainly be better then Spider-man 3.

*They leave*

Toad: There seems to be more to those three then meets the eye.

Bright: I can't believe you went there.

Gauntlet: Screw you guys. Time to view my childhood redux!

*He vanishes*

Cossack: Well that was rude.

Kalinka: Forget him Father, the movie is starting.

*In the theater*

Bay: Hello. I am Michael Bay. I thank you all for coming. This movie is the best of my career so far.

Don: However we have made some changes to the film. Peter Cullen has been replaced with Elija Wood and Starscream is now a transforming spatula.

DeSanto: Plus for added realism the TF will have synthetic skin to give the appearance of a human.

Ring: Da hell he smoking?

Drill: I cant believe this.

Gauntlet: You three have raped my childhood! And I didnt even see the movie yet!

Bay: You know thats whats wrong with Transformers: fans. You make me sick.

DeSanto: Dont make judgment till you have seen the film.

*The film starts*

Spike: Wow. your more then meets the eye.

Bumblebee: *Transforms into a golf cart*

Optimus Prime: Roll out to the shire! *Transforms into a vacuum*

Megatron: I am afraid I cannot allow that Mr. Prime. *Puts on Sun Glasses*

Starscream: BAWK!!!

Ironhide: More then meets the eye!

Leader 1: GOBOTS!


*They all transform into Gungans*

Gungan: Thersa moresa to yousa den meeten de eye.

Cossack: The f*ck is going on?

Skull: This is why I dont go to the movies.

Bright: By the Matrix no!

Comic book guy: Worst. Movie. Ever. Must see it at least ten more times today.

*Shot fired*

Bay: Who dares disrupt my movie?


Starscream: With pleasure, almighty Megatron.

Dust: Are you just gonna let this happen?

Drill and Gauntlet: Yes.

*Suddenly a semi breaks through the wall and transforms*

Optimus Prime: Megatron stop! You dont understand. That's not Michael Bay. The Autobots and I found him and his producer friends tied up outside.

Soundwave: Query: If Bay is there who is this?

Bay: I guess the cat is out of the bag.

*The three pull off their disguises*

Megatron: It cant be!

Starscream: COBRA COMMANDER?!?!

Cobra Commander: Yesss Itss True! My plan worked and Transssformersss is ruined!

Destro: What this idiot means is that we were supposed to get a movie first. I mean we came first!

Baroness: So ve kidnapped Bay and his cohorts and sabotaged the real movie.

Cobra Commander: Our original intention was to force Bay to direct a GI Joe movie, with us winning. COBRA!!!!!

Destro: However when Transfomers came to be our Commander decided to change it into the worst movie ever.

Cobra Commander: IT WASS BRILLIANT!!!!

Baroness: Da it vas. I vanted to make a Gobots movie instead. That vould have made Transformer fans pissed.

Cobra Commander: Cobra the Movie is sure to be made!

Toad: So you impersonated Bay?

Cobra Commander: My dear this has been going on for a long time. I sent Zartan to impersonate Bay when filming Pearl Harbor to show how bad the United States Government really is.

Pharaoh: So that's why it sucked.

Destro: And now Bay has a financial flop! The fans will want to kill you and the Joe fans will get their movie.

Cobra Commander: COBRA VICTORY!

Megatron: You forget one thing. We are huge robots and you three are just fleshlings. DECEPTICONS ATTACK!

Optimus Prime: Technically Cobra Commander is not human so I can kill him.

Cobra Commander: No! I am human! That who Cobra La stuff was fake! COBRA RETREAT! RETREAT!

Kalinka: Did we learn anything at all today?

Pharaoh: Nope.

Bay: I am terribly sorry for all of this. Here are new passes to see the REAL Transformers movie.

*They view it*

Drill: I liked it!

Dust: The designs kicked ass!

Gauntlet: Bah! It focused on the humans too much! And where is Frank Welker?

Pharaoh: Did you see when Megatron was fighting Prime how he killed those people?

Comic book guy: Best. Movie. Ever.

Dive: It just goes to show you that just because a movie doesnt follow the original story to a T doesn't mean it's destined to be a failure.

Ring: Tell that to Catwoman.


Dr. Mindbender: Cobra Commander, I have news! Brett Ratner is directing a GI Joe movie!

Cobra Commander: YESSSSS! Who is worthy enough to play me?

Dr. Mindbender: Uh Chris Tucker is playing Destro, Rosie O'Donnel is Baroness, and Jackie Chan is you. I get to be played by the guy from House!

Cobra Commander: GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Megatron: Good work Soundwave. The Decepticons strike back!
*The End...for now!*

Cossack's Comrades

AM as
Drill Man
Sean as
Dust Man
Geoff as
Dive Man
  Jet as
Bright Babe
Zymeth as
Skull Man
Rebel40000 as
Ring Man
Jade as
Pharaoh Man
Zapper as
Toad Girl


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