Darkman's Robot Warriors

DRW starring in:
"Robots prefer blondes"

By Stone Man

Morning... Everyone is just waking up...


Crystal ManCrystal: SHUT UP AND SLEEP!!!

Napalm ManNapalm: Huh, Wha?

Crystal ManCrystal: Nothing. Star was just yawning in his sleep.

Gravity ManGravity: Okay guys- Gimmick has made us a nice breakfast, so we should all get up.

Napalm ManNapalm: Breafast? Great!

Charge ManCharge: You told me there was no food left!

Gyro ManGyro: Hmm...

The door opens, and in walks Stone Man

Stone ManStone: Hey everyone! Isn't it a lovely morning? I just went for a short walk before breakfast.

Charge ManCharge: I wonder what's for breakfast... WHAT?!!

Gravity ManGravity: Calm down. I think the breakfast is probably under the dead rat.

Stone ManStone (looking closer): Nope. Looks like it is the dead rat. Who wants the head?

Napalm ManNapalm: Can I have the legs?

Telephone: "RING-RING!"

Star ManStar: Gah... Someone else answer it...

Crystal ManCrystal (to phone): Hello, DRW, Crystal Man speaking.

Telephone (voice): "Have you noticed yet?"

Crystal ManCrystal (to phone): Um... Who is this?

Telephone (voice): "You haven't noticed?!"

Crystal ManCrystal (to phone): Listen, what number where you trying to reach?

Telephone (voice): "I can't believe this. It's your Arch Nemesis, Dammit! I'm attacking the city!!" (hangs up)

Gyro ManGyro: Who was it?

Star ManStar: Okay, I'm awake now.

Crystal ManCrystal: Looks like we haven't got time for breakfast, fellas- Arch is attacking the city!

Napalm ManNapalm: Arch? How did he get our phone number?

Charge ManCharge: Well, I'm not going to eat that rat, so LET'S GO!!

Star ManStar: What the hell, lets go and stop the little moron.

And so our heroes are called out on a mission of not quite utmost importance...

Stone ManStone: I don't mind walking... But we really need to get a car...

Gyro ManGyro: You said it, buddy. We're the only team without some nifty form of instant transport.

Star ManStar: Yeah, yeah, I know... Instant transport... Man, I could use a hard drink...

Gyro ManGyro: Star, your idea of a hard drink is orange juice.

Gravity ManGravity: Look- there he is!

StrangerArch: MWAHAHAHA!!! You'll never stop me this time!

Napalm ManNapalm: Oh yeah? And why is that?

Crystal ManCrystal: Arch, we always stop you.

StrangerArch: I have a new super weapon! It's called a...PAINT GUN!! HAHAHA!!!

Star ManStar: What are you intending to do with a paint gun?

Charge ManCharge: You're even stupider than we thought you were!

StrangerArch: But you don't understand- this paint gun is filled with...

Gravity ManGravity: Hydrochloric Acid?

Stone ManStone: Super Glue?

Napalm ManNapalm: Peanut butter?

StrangerArch: No... Something far worse...

Charge ManCharge: Yellow paint?

StrangerArch: HAHA, no- it is filled with... YELLOW PAINT!!! MWHAHAHA!!!

Charge ManCharge: I said that!

Crystal ManCrystal: Yellow paint?

StrangerArch: Yes! Observe... I aim at this innocent pedestrian... and BLAM!!!

Gyro ManGyro: She's become blonde!!

StrangerArch: Exactly. And I will now make everyone in the city blonde, forcing them to bow to my demands!

Star ManStar: What a fiendish plan!

StrangerArch: And you can't stop me! But now I must be away... I won't let you get bored though- GEORGO!

GeorgoGeorgo: YES, SIR?

StrangerArch: DESTROY them!! Hehe, see you later, Darkman's Baby Warriors! HAHAHA!!! HAHA!! (runs off)

GeorgoGeorgo: DIE PIP-SQUEAKS!

Crystal ManCrystal: Wow! Our first real fight!

Georgo picks up Crystal Man, and throws him against a wall

Gyro ManGyro: Ouch... that must have hurt... Take this, fatso! Launches a barrage of Gyro Blades at Georgo

Star ManStar (putting up a Star Crash barrier): Nobody attacks my team!!

The Gyro Blades deflect mostly harmlessly off Georgo- scratching the paintwork somewhat

GeorgoGeorgo: RAAH!! SOON YOU DIE!!

Stone ManStone: POWER STONES!! Fires two power stones

Star ManStar: Watch out Stone!

One of the power stones hits Star Man, not harming him, but destroying his protective Barrier

...The other slams into Georgo, putting a large dent in his armour

Napalm ManNapalm: Napalm bombs, ahoy! Fires two napalm bombs at Georgo

Crystal ManCrystal: Feel the sting of the Crystal Eye, you oversized oaf! Creates a Crystal eye

The napalm explosions knock Georgo to his knees- causing the Crystal Eye to pass over his head...

...And collide with a wall, sending bouncing shards of crystal all over the place!

Napalm ManNapalm: Agh! Crystal Man!!

Charge ManCharge: They're his weakness! Hold on, Napalm- I'll charge and knock Georgo into oblivion!!

As Charge Man runs forward at a hefty pace, he suddenly finds himself floating in mid-air, as do the others...

Gravity ManGravity: I fail to see the gravity of the situation...


Everybody, and all the bouncing crystals, drop to the ground, creating a simultaneous "Ooof!" from all...

...Except for Gravity Man of course, and Star Man, who is used to strange gravity...

...And Stone Man who simply becomes a pile of rubble...

Gyro ManGyro: OWW!!! YOU MORON!!

Gravity ManGravity: Oh! I forgot about your weakness Gyro! I'm sorry!!

Gyro ManGyro: Next time you forget, I'll send you a little propellor present... right up the-

Stone ManStone: YAAH!! DIE YOU BIG PINK TRASH BUCKET!! Tackles Georgo and pounds him with his fists

Star ManStar: Surrender now! Kicks Georgo in the head- 'KLUNK!'

GeorgoGeorgo: ...I'm outta here! Limps away as fast as he can

Stone ManStone: Yeah! That's why we're Robot Masters, and you're just a mid-level baddie!

Star ManStar: Right! Now to find Arch, and stop him!

Crystal ManCrystal: We'll just follow the trail of blondes...

So the team follow the trail, eventually finding themselves at...

Gyro ManGyro: Tracy's Hair Salon?

Star ManStar: This would seem an appropriate place.

Napalm ManNapalm: Then lets go in and get that S of a B!

They enter the Salon, prepared for the worst, and finding the first room empty, continue through the building until...

StrangerArch: Drat! I guess this means you defeated my robot!

Star ManStar: Yes, And now we will defeat you. Give up Arch, we have stopped you again.

StrangerArch: It's not that simple, fool! You may have found me, but half the city is already blonde! You're too late!

Stone ManStone: I happen to like being late!

...Well, That line seemed to work better last time...

Gravity ManGravity: I'll just fill the paint gun with a universal solvent, and we can remove the blondeness.

StrangerArch: Nice plan... One problem- I have the gun! 'BLAM!!'

Gravity ManGravity: Has anyone got a hairbrush?

Napalm ManNapalm: NO!! You made Gravity Man blonde!!

Gyro ManGyro: You are one sadistic bas... NO! Don't aim that infernal weapon at me!!

StrangerArch: Surrender now! In a few hours I will rule the city!!

Stone ManStone: Even if you do defeat us, you'll never rule the city- There are plenty of other teams to stop you!

Crystal ManCrystal: Like the Sinister Six, or the Mechanical Maniacs, or Cossacks Creations, or-

StrangerArch: Hah! Don't you even know? Those other teams don't really exist! They are just myths- Like democracy!

Star ManStar: No! This cannot be! Pulls out a mobile phone and quickly dials...

Gauntlet (On Phone): Hello, Mechanical Maniacs, Gauntlet speaking.

Star ManStar: Do you exist?

Gauntlet (On Phone): What?

Star ManStar (hangs up): See! They do exist!

StrangerArch: Bah! I'm sick of this- Eat paint, Blondie! 'click'

Gyro ManGyro: Haha! You're out of ammo, munchkin!

StrangerArch: Actually, I've got loads left- I just did that for dramatic effect. Now- 'BLAM BLAM BLAMMITY BLAM!!'

After the dust (or paint) settles...

Gravity ManGravity: More Blondies!

Napalm ManNapalm: No- I'm not blonde.

Crystal ManCrystal: Me Neither.

StrangerArch: Blondes rock!

Gyro ManGyro: Phew! It worked.

Charge ManCharge: Well, it obviously didn't- None of us are blonde.

Gyro ManGyro: No actually, I meant how I blew the paint back at Arch with my propellor.

Star ManStar: I thought I protected us with my Star Crash!

Stone ManStone: No- It was me, I knocked the gun around just as it was about to fire.

Crystal ManCrystal: Actually, I blocked the gun barrel with a small crystal, causing the gun to backfire.

Gyro ManGyro: It was me! You guys are just jealous!

Stone ManStone: Jealous? Of you? Ha!

And so amidst their arguments the team have saved the city ... But they are still as poor as church mice. Will they ever pay off their debts?


Gravity ManGravity: How long does this stuff take to wear off?

StrangerArch: Who cares, lets go and party!


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