Darkman's Robot Warriors

DRW starring in:
"Being a sneaky git in three easy lessons"

By Stone Man

Mid Afternoon, and the team have been having a siesta...

Star ManStar: It's pretty boring around here...

Napalm ManNapalm: Yeah, there's been nothing to do since the TV exploded.

Gyro ManGyro: I'm getting a bit hungry too. We haven't eaten for two days.

Gravity ManGravity: There was that water biscuit.

Gyro ManGyro: Oh yeah, there was that water biscuit.

Crystal ManCrystal: Anybody want a game of cards?

Stone ManStone: Yeah, alright then.

As Crystal Man begins shuffling the cards, the sound of a creaking door is apparent...

Crystal ManCrystal: Either someone is playing strange sound effects, or...

Star ManStar: ...that's Charge Man 'sneaking' off again.

Napalm ManNapalm: Lets follow him!

Gravity ManGravity: I dunno...

Star ManStar: Why not? We've not got anything else to do.

Stone ManStone: I hate to say it, but it'll be pretty obvious if we try and shadow him, we're not the most subtle team...

Crystal ManCrystal: You're right. If it was just Star and me, then perhaps we could...

Napalm ManNapalm: No way! We're all going!

Star ManStar: Then we'll need an expert to help us... picks up phone, and dials

Telephone: "You have reached the Mechanical Maniacs. I'm sorry but no-one is here to take your call right now..."

Star ManStar (hangs up): Oh well, I guess Gauntlet isn't in. I wonder where he is?

GauntletGauntlet: Behind you.

Star ManNapalm ManGyro ManGravity ManCrystal ManStone ManEveryone: Gauntlet?!

Gravity ManGravity: How did you know we needed your help?

GauntletGauntlet: I have my contacts. Information is my business.

Napalm ManNapalm: Can you help us track Charge Man?

Crystal ManCrystal: You see, he's always sneaking off, and we don't know where he goes.

GauntletGauntlet: Perhaps he has a girlfriend.

Gyro ManGyro: Hey, we are talking about Charge Man, right?

GauntletGauntlet: Good point. (looking around) I can tell you don't have much money... any money...

Star ManStar: Yes, well...

GauntletGauntlet: So, you owe me one.

The team head off, led by Gauntlet, and are soon stealthily stalking Charge Man

Stone ManStone (looking at Charge): He seems to be wearing some kind of hood.

Crystal ManCrystal: A poor disguise, to conceal his identity. If it wasn't for his funnel, it might work.

GauntletGauntlet: Shh! Don't talk so loudly, he may spot us.

Gravity ManGravity: He's stopped- There are more of them... people in hoods...

Star ManStar: Oh no! Charge Man must be caught up in some cult!

Napalm ManNapalm: I hope it's not an evil cult!

Crystal ManCrystal: Perhaps they might summon a demon or something... Maybe they sacrifice children...

Charge Man and the other hooded figures walk towards a nearby railway line

One of the figures checks his watch...

GauntletGauntlet: They're waiting for something... or someone.

Gyro ManGyro: You don't think they're planning to hi-jack a train do you?

Gravity ManGravity: Maybe they're smugglers.

Star ManStar: Listen! One of the figures is about to speak!

Hooded Figure: Hmm... The 5:37 is late...

Gyro ManGyro: They must be planning a train robbery!

Napalm ManNapalm: I never would have thought that Charge Man would get involved in anything like this!

A low rumble, slowly increasing, approaches, and the train lights are soon visible

Another Hooded Figure: There it is!

Other Hooded Figures: Ooh! An express freighter!

GauntletGauntlet: I'm afraid it looks like something worse than train hi-jacking...

Gyro ManGyro: Worse? Like what?

Crystal ManCrystal: You don't mean...

GauntletGauntlet: ...Yes- Trainspotting!!

Crystal ManCrystal: Actually, I was going to say demon summoning.

GauntletGauntlet: Oh.

Star ManStar: Trainspotting, eh? Well, I never would've guessed...

Napalm ManNapalm: Hey Chargey!! Seen any nice trains? Heh-heh!

Charge ManCharge: WHAT?!! Why are you guys here?!!

Gravity ManGravity: So, you're a trainspotter?

Gyro ManGyro: Hehe! Train man himself...

Charge ManCharge: Shh!

Hooded Figure: Wait a minute! You mean he is- 'the' Charge Man?

Star ManStar: Of course! Don't tell me you were actually fooled by his disguise?

Hooded Figure: Charge Man!! I can't believe it is him!!

Another Hooded Figure: We're your greatest fans!! The Official Charge Man Trainspotting Fan Club!!

Other Hooded Figure: Or TOCMTFC for short.

Charge ManCharge: Wow! I have my own fan club!!

Stone ManStone: They can't be serious...

Hooded Figure: Oh, but we are! Deadly serious!!

GauntletGauntlet: Well, I guess my work here is done.

Gauntlet is about to slip off into the shadows, when all of a sudden...

Shady Looking Hooded Figure: Not so fast!

Charge ManCharge: Huh?

Another Hooded Figure: Yes! He must pay his respect to Charge Man before he departs!

Shady Looking Hooded Figure: What? (Shoots the Charge Man fan) I don't care about that stupid train! It's Shadow Man I'm after!

The fan club scream and run off- unfortunately right into the path of a particularly nice looking express train...

Shady Looking Hooded Figure: Ha ha HA!

GauntletGauntlet: I thought I taught you a lesson last time... Oil Man!

Oil ManOil Man (discarding his hood): Yes and it was a lesson that I haven't forgotten- But I am the teacher now!

Stone ManStone: Oil Man? What kind of a lame robot master is that?

Napalm ManNapalm: Yeah, What are you gonna do? Oil my armour?

Oil ManOil Man: I am the greatest of all the robot masters!

Charge ManCharge: You killed my fan club!

GauntletGauntlet: Throws two shadow blades at Oil Man, and dives to the side

Oil ManOil Man (ducking): You are no match for me, Shadow Man! Squirts everyone in the area with oil

Star ManStar: Oh-kay...

Stone ManStone: Great! I was getting kinda thirsty!

Oil ManOil Man: Don't mock my power!! Oil Buster! Fires three shots at Gauntlet

Gyro ManGyro: This guy must be some kinda joke...

GauntletGauntlet: Easily dodges Oil man's shots, and returns fire with a Shadow blade

Crystal ManCrystal: Hey Gauntlet, can you bring your friend around more often? We could do with the free oil...

Oil Man is struck in the knee by the Shadow Blade

Stone ManStone: In fact... Oil Man, do you want to join our team?

Oil ManOil Man: ARG! Don't make fun of me like that! Sprays oil onto the floor

Charge ManCharge: It's all slipperrrryyy!!

Stone ManStone: No really, I was being serious! Join us Oil Man- your friends have failed you!

Oil ManOil Man: What are you talking about? My friends aren't even here!

Crystal ManCrystal: Exactly.

GauntletGauntlet (throwing another two Shadow Blades): Oil Man- You know you are the weaker!

Gravity ManGravity: Why are you here anyway?

Oil ManOil Man (getting hit by both blades): Well, I was going to rob the train. Until you all turned up and ruined everything!

Gyro ManGyro: I told you!! I knew they were going to rob the train!

Star ManStar: Do you reckon we should join in the fight?

Napalm ManNapalm: Nah- I think its personal. We shouldn't interfere.

Stone ManStone: I'm surprised that none of our enemies have turned up.

Charge ManCharge: Yeah, where's Arch?

Gravity ManGravity: Hah, he's probably still blonde... He got sprayed with about ten times as much paint as me!

Oil Man fires off three shots, and sprays Gauntlet with oil

Gyro ManGyro: Who else have we fought? There was Dark Man... but he won't be back anytime soon...

Crystal ManCrystal: Unless... You don't suppose that Oil Man might not be who he seems?

Star ManStar: I'm sure that's Oil Man, because Dark Man is much more devious!

Stone ManStone: Hehe, We don't really have many enemies...

Voice: Yet you have failed to mention your most powerful one!

Star ManStar: Huh?

There is a sharp swish and...

Star ManStar: Ow!

Paper Cut ManPapercut: Bulls-eye!

Oil ManOil Man: More robot masters!! I'm outta here! (Runs off)

GauntletGauntlet: You've always been a coward! Now you will die one!! (Runs after Oil Man)

Stone ManStone: Papercut Man, why have you returned?

Paper Cut ManPapercut: You all humiliated me! You laughed- but look who's laughing now! MWAHAHAHAHAAA!!!

Crystal ManCrystal: Five points for the insane laugh! But you could do with some work on the facial expressions.

Gyro ManGyro: Lets get this over with... Throws Gyro Blade at Papercut Man

Paper Cut ManPapercut: You still don't take me seriously! Gets hit by Gyro Blade

Stone ManStone: Nice shot! Yee-hah!

Star ManStar: Arrrgg! My papercut still hurts!!

Paper Cut ManPapercut: Haha! And that was without lemon juice!!

Star ManStar: Right, you little bastard! Fires Star Crash

Gravity ManGravity: Now I'll send him into orbit!

As the Star Crash hits Papercut Man, his gravity is suddenly reversed!

Napalm ManNapalm: Haha!! Let him drop now!

Paper Cut ManPapercut: Ah, but I am as light as paper- watch me as I float down with ease!

Papercut Man does so

Stone ManStone: My turn! I'm gonna fold you up and throw you away, like the paper you are!

Paper Cut ManPapercut: Ha! No you're not! Throws Paper Cutter

Crystal ManCrystal (getting cut): Owch!

Gravity ManGravity (getting cut): Yow!

Napalm ManNapalm (getting cut): Oochiee-wa-wa!!

Stone ManStone: I warned you!! Picks up Papercut Man, folds him into a ball, and throws him away

Paper Cut ManPapercut: NOOOOO!!!

So, at the end of an eventful, and not quite as boring as expected day...

Gyro ManGyro: That wasn't such a bad day's work... Though, we didn't get any money...

Charge ManCharge: Well, my fan club got killed... but at least none of us got hurt...

Star ManCrystal ManGravity ManNapalm ManStar, Crystal, Gravity, Napalm: YOWCH!! Our papercuts!!

So the curse of Papercut Man lives on, and Gauntlet and Oil Man are probably still fighting...

...but as for everyone else? Sleep is as good a pastime as any.

THE END (Until next time...)


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