By
Gauntlet (Shadowman)
Following the events of the last epilogue, the Mechanical Maniacs are once again without a base. And, so they are forced into a cheap motel before they can finally find a permanent place to stay ....
(It's another dismal, cold, and foggy night as the Mechanical Maniacs look around the city for housing.)
Shadowman:
This is ridiculous! You'd think heroes like us would get a decent
welcome!
Spark
Chan: Yeah, but everyone says our credit is lousy. That we have
so many enemies. Even Superman hates us!
Needlegal:
Superman can't hate us! He's ... Superman! Didn't he hear how we
saved the world all those times?
Geminiman:
Most other heroes can't stand us though. We got a bad rap after
crashing that Superhero convention in Metropolis. Before most of
you guys joined up. *
Shadowman:
What philistines!
Snakeman:
This bites! Without the Ark we can't even teleport out! Don't we
have any friends who'll take us in?!
Shadowman:
Sadly .... no. Most of the other teams that we've associated with
have disbanded. Even the Sinister Six! And Ben might have given
us a stay at Wily's Warriors ... if only they didn't work for Wily
and we weren't cops!
Spark
Chan: Oh goodness! It looks like we're really down on our luck
this time. Even Webby can't find us a place to stay!
Snakeman:
What about your mango tree, Class! Can't we stay there?
Spark
Chan: It's a mango tree, Raijin-kun. Not a hotel. Hardman could
take up all the room by himself.
Snakeman:
*sigh* We really are screwed then.
Xelloss:
Then that's my cue!
The
'Maniacs: Xelloss!
Xelloss:
That's me!
Geminiman:
You! What do you want!?
Xelloss:
Why .... only to help my old friends!
Geminiman:
Old friends!?
Xelloss:
Yes of course! I've always thought of you all as some of my closest
friends!
Shadowman:
When you first met us you tried to set us up so your boss could
rule all reality.*
(*Series 3 Issue 24)
Geminiman:
And when you reappeared you tried to turn me into some sort of
monstrous .... Gemini-thing!*
(*The Unnamed)
Needlegal:
Even our association with you has caused us trouble!*
(*Series 3 Issue 14)
Xelloss:
And throughout it all, hasn't our close bond of friendship only
gotten stronger?
The
'Maniacs: NO!!
Xelloss:
Oh dear ... then I suppose you wouldn't be interested in a new
apartment complex I've set up.
Magnetman:
What!? An apartment complex!?
Xelloss:
A very high-end apartment complex. More like a resort! We'll have
swimming pools ... free internet access .... satellite television....
and enough room for all of you!
Topman:
This sounds a little too good to be true, Xelloss.
Xelloss:
I assure you, it's very true! Due to my ..... connections I was
able to build my complex with every bit of furnishings that a mazoku
.... or a robot could want!
Geminiman:
And what's the catch, Xelloss?
Xelloss:
Catch? You wound me, Gemini.
Geminiman:
Nobody does something for nothing. What's the catch?
Xelloss:
The only "catch" would be to help make my community a
prosperous one! Well, a minimal amount of rent would be paid, of
course. But I'm only interested in redeeming myself in front of
the world's eyes.
Hardman:
Yeah, I'll bet.
Shadowman:
Okay, guys. Team meeting.
(The team huddles together, football style.)
Shadowman:
Okay, guys .... what do you think?
Spark
Chan: Well .... he might be telling the truth.
Snakeman:
Hah! No way! He's gotta be yanking our leg.
Magnetman:
Still, it sounds like a good offer.
Hardman:
And it's not like we have many places to go .... our rent at that
seedy hotel is a rip-off.
Xelloss:
(now a part of the huddle) So, whadya say?
The
Maniacs: YIKES!
Shadowman:
.... Okay, Xelloss. We'll play your game.
Xelloss:
WONDERFUL! I have your rooms all set up! Oh, this will be oh-so-much
fun!
(The Mechanical Maniacs are then led by Xelloss through town and to a very impressive looking resort area!)
Spark
Chan: Oh my GOD!!
Shadowman:
This is .... a palace!
Topman:
I think we made the right choice.
Xelloss:
Of course you have. Now, let me show you to your rooms...
(Xelloss shows the Mechanical Maniacs to a very spacious apartment.)
Xelloss:
This is your main meeting area. Naturally, you'll all have your
own rooms, but this is your new team conference center.
Spark
Chan: Our own rooms!?
Xelloss:
Of course! What did you think this was ... some cheap time-share?
No, this here's the real deal! And observe!
(Xelloss flips a switch on the wall and the wall on the opposite side of the room slides back to reveal ...)
Xelloss:
Your new multipurpose computer! It has a capacity of 250 gigabytes
as well as a high speed connection to the internet. It also blocks
all pop ups ... the latest in Mazoku technology!
Snakeman:
Astounding!
Xelloss:
And for the little lady ....
(Xelloss opens up a window.)
Xelloss:
A grove of mango trees!
Spark
Chan: (Squeals with happiness.)
Magnetman:
This is all very impressive, Xelloss.
Xelloss:
Well, I do strive for the best!
Shadowman:
Wow, this ... this really blows my mind, Xel. You did a great job.
Thanks for all this, Xellos. You did a great job!
....
Xelloss:
Well .... truly grateful people give me $30.
Shadowman:
Wait, what?
Xelloss:
I've been looking for some nice computer equipment and that $30
could really help me out. You know, since you're so grateful and
all.
....
Shadowman:
*mumbles* yeah, okay.
(Shadowman gives Xelloss $30).
Xelloss:
Great! Thanks! And, hey .... enjoy the establishment.
(Xelloss teleports out.)
....
Shadowman:
Uh ... yeah! Well, let's get going, guys! We have a lot of moving
to do.
(One week later....)
Xelloss:
(Appears next to Shadowman.) Hey, everyone!
The
'Maniacs: WAHH!
Shadowman:
Xelloss! Can't you just knock?
Xelloss:
.... knock?
Shadowman:
*sigh* never mind.
Xelloss:
So, how do you like the place?
Topman:
Good so far.
Magnetman:
Yeah, it's alright.
Xelloss:
great, great ... um .... so I've noticed you still have your bar
open, Hardman.
Hardman:
Yeah. It's doing pretty good. You know, I like to make a little
money on the side.
Xelloss:
But you realize that part of our arrangement was that you merge
all your assets with the Mazoku Community, right?
Hardman:
Wait, what?
Shadowman:
Since when?
Xelloss:
Well, it's in your contract. I'm sure you want to add to this community,
don't you?
Hardman:
Well, geez, Xel. I kinda like my bar where it is. Everyone's used
to it by now.
Xelloss:
Ahhh .... yeah, but I'm really going to have to ask you to move
it here.
....
Shadowman:
And, exactly where would it be? I mean ... how exactly would it
work?
Xelloss:
Well, I'll show you!
(The Mechanical Maniacs get whisked to a generic looking place with a demon-themed setting.)
Xelloss:
Welcome to the new Hardman's Bar!
Hardman:
Uh ... it doesn't look like my bar.
Xelloss:
No. But doesn't it look better?
Hardman:
Uh .... I kinda like my bar as it is.
Xelloss:
Oh, but your bar's a hole-in-the-wall! Look at this bar. Don't
you know how many bells and whistles you could have?
Hardman:
I admit, I like the bells and whistles .. but I like my bar.
Shadowman:
So, does this mean we'll be given administrative access to the
Mazoku Community?
Xelloss:
Administrative access? No. No! No....No.
Hardman:
Then, how could I run my bar?
Xelloss:
Well, I'd run it for you!
Hardman:
What?
Snakeman:
That doesn't seem so good, Xel.
Xelloss:
Oh, it's fine!
Magnetman:
But what if we don't like someone and want to kick them out? Or
beat them to a bloody pulp?
Xelloss:
Well, you'd just tell me and I'd kick them out for you.
Hardman:
Well ... what if I want to do it right away?
Xelloss:
Oh, but I can be reached at almost any time! I have a cell phone
and it's always on.
...
Xelloss:
Oh, and I'd rather you didn't actually kick anyone out.
Hardman:
But I need to kick troublemakers out.
Xelloss:
Well, we have a warnings system here at Mazoku INC. And I like
it! The system, you see, kicks people out for you. When
they have enough warnings.
Hardman:
Would we be able to set the warnings.
....
Xelloss:
No.
Shadowman:
I don't think this sounds good.
Hardman:
Yeah, I'm going to want to kick someone out. I mean ... I actually
like running my place. I don't want to be just a bartender
in my own bar.
Xelloss:
But it would be practically the same!
Hardman:
Yeah, but even so...and I kind of want to be able to change the
look of this place.
Xelloss:
But ...
Hardman:
It's just not my bar. I want it to look like my bar y'know?
Xelloss:
... I see. Well, we aim to please here at the Mazoku Community.
I'll see what I can do.
Hardman:
Thanks.
(Xelloss disappears.)
(The next day, Shadowman is watching TV alongside the other 'Maniacs when Xelloss appears!)
Xelloss:
Good afternoon, team!
Magnetman:
(eyes the Mazoku coldly) Hey, Xelloss.
Spark
Chan: So, how's it going, Xel?
Xelloss:
Pretty good. I'd just like to inform you of something.
Snakeman:
What's up, Xel?
Xelloss:
From now on, to make more money, I want you to put these advertisements
on your door and your offices at the police station. We need to
make more money here at the MC and this is a fine way to do it!
This is a new term of service and if it isn't done in a week you're
all outta here!
The
'Maniacs: .... Oh ... kay ....
(Xelloss disappears.)
(The next day, Hardman is running his bar, when Xelloss once again appears.)
Xelloss:
Hey, Hardman!
Hardman:
GAH! Xelloss! Can't you knock!?
Xelloss:
Sorry, Hardman. So, how's life treating you?
Hardman:
Pretty good. You?
Xelloss:
Can't be better. Say ... how about moving your bar over to mine
now?
Hardman:
Well, you haven't gotten all those things done yet, have you?
Xelloss:
Oh, but just look at how shoddy this place is! How small! Dark!
And dank!
Hardman:
I like it, Xel.
Xelloss:
But isn't my bar so much better than this?
Hardman:
If you get those things done I might move, Xel. But you never mentioned
my bar when we signed up.
Xelloss:
Alright ... fine.
(Xelloss leaves.)
(The next day, the 'Maniacs are having a team discussion over which evil double was better in their meeting room...)
Shadowman:
.... and Captain Pollution was awesome because he had magic rings!
I mean ... super radiation! It can kill anyone in the area. You
don't even have to aim!
Needlegal:
*sigh*
Snakeman:
Is all you know connected to old TV shows, Gauntlet?
Shadowman:
What? What's wrong with old TV shows?
Xelloss:
Hey, team!
The
'Maniacs: GWAHH!
Spark
Chan: We have a door, Xel!
Xelloss:
I'd just like to announce a new team to join our little community!
The Sinister Six!
Shadowman:
They got back together!? Awesome!
Snakeman:
All right! Some attitude!
Xelloss:
That's right! And here they are!
(The door opens to let in....)
Bitman:
Sweet pad ya gots here, Xel.
Sharkman:
That thing got video games!? Doooood!
Bitman:
Hellz, this place is awesome!
Xelloss:
I do try.
Shadowman:
Xelloss! What's the deal here?
Xelloss:
What? I need to expand my community.
Shadowman:
So you let these guys in? Willingly?
Torchman:
Bah! Your words sting me not, for we are the superior team! And
now that we have the facilities the world will see us for what
we truly are!
Xelloss:
Well, you'll just have to get along with each other.
Torchman:
Not a problem, my benefactor!
Bitman:
Yeah, we can swing it.
Oilman:
This facility is well worth the effort to commune civilly with
our greatest foes.
Waveman:
I miss the dump.
Sharkman:
Shut up, crybaby! This place ROCKS!
Shadowman:
Anything else to announce, Xelloss?
Xelloss:
Actually, yes. My research says that google is a very lucrative
way of selling a business or service. SO from now on you're all
required to put a link in every page of your site to the Mazoku
Community to boost the place's page ranking on Google. This is
now a term of service. Do it or else yer gone.
(Xelloss disappears.)
Shadowman:
Right .... that's not so bad.
(Shadowman is knocked aside by Oilman.)
Oilman:
Move over, Mech. We've rented a video and will use the big screen
to watch it.
Sharkman:
Yeah! Classic Pauly Shore! Doooooood!
Waveman:
My life has just entered a new low.
(The next day, the Sinister Six and the 'Maniacs are all fighting over the TV....)
Torchman:
It is our turn you wretched Mechs!
Hardman:
Just because you say it's your turn doesn't make it so!
Blademan:
We've had dibs! Didn't you see the sign-up sheet?
Snakeman:
You made that thing up!
Blademan:
But it was all approved of by Xelloss.
Snakeman:
What!?
(Suddenly Xelloss appears.)
Xelloss:
Hey, all! Howya been?
Snakeman:
Xelloss! What's going on here?
Xelloss:
Oh, the whole team didn't yell out this time?
Torchman:
We can no longer share this facility with the Mechs! They are intruding
on our designated time!
Bitman:
Yeah, man.
Xelloss:
A new facility is being prepared.
All:
Yay!
Xelloss:
In the meantime, I have a new announcement. I've been chatting
with Zelas and she thinks that making a top site listing for all
of us here at the Mazoku Community would help get good ratings.
So, from now on a new term of service is your participation in
this project!
Snakeman:
What!? A lame top site?
Xelloss:
Yes, a top site. Just do it.
Shadowman:
This wasn't part of the deal, Xelloss.
Xelloss:
I have altered our deal. Pray I do not alter it further.
Shadowman:
!?
Xelloss:
(coughs) heh heh. Frog in my throat! Now .... join the top site!
(Xelloss disappears.)
Shadowman:
damn it....
(The following week, Xelloss finally makes the necessary changed to his bar.)
Xelloss:
There. Now they can customize their own bar and "patron deny" people
from their bar and not the Mazoku Community in general. Now to
let the 'Maniacs know of this...
(Xelloss then appears to he team, who are in the middle of breakfast.)
Xelloss:
I am tired of hearing all of this bitching. Gauntlet and the rest
of you: we paid $200 to a contractor to have everything set up
the way you wanted it. After countless problems that you've complained
about and countless hours that I've spent trying to get all of
the issues resolved you continue to bitch. Your stuck up attitude
will not be tolerated, fuck you all! You also have 24 hours to
decide to stop bitching and take the free services we're offering
you or get the fuck off.
Xelloss:
I'm sick of you fuckers being ungrateful for all the shit we go
through to get you what you want at NO charge to you, and it has
costed us the money for these services out of my pocket,
and the time out of my busy life. You have 24 hours to calm
the fuck down and take some time to appreciate what we've done,
bending over backwards, to help you and keep your team
going.
Xelloss:
I'm done.
(Xelloss disappears.)
The
'Maniacs: ...!
(Spark Chan drops her spoon into her bowl of cereal.)
(The teams convene at Hardman's bar.)
Magnetman:
What the Hell was that!?
Snakeman:
That Xelloss guy is really pushing it! I say we just leave his
Hellhole!
Hardman:
No kiddin'. He's got a lotta nerve.
Topman:
But, uh .... exactly where are we gonna move to? And how long will
it take?
....
Snakeman:
But the guy gives us nothing but crap!
Shadowman:
*sigh* Well ... now that we can run our place like we want, we'll
hopefully be able to ignore him and his bull. But his offer is
still pretty good. I mean ... the rent is peanuts! Every landlord
we'll come across will be a jerk. This, at least, is a jerk we
know.
Hardman:
Well .... you're the boss, boss.
(The next couple of days involve moving Hardman's Bar to Xelloss' Mazoku Community.)
Hardman:
Damn it! Xelloss' controls don't work at all! What kind of crap
is this?
Shadowman:
Well, there's not much we can do. I'll make a list to give to Xelloss.
So he can fix it.
(And so...)
Xelloss:
What is this crap? Just move your bar!
Shadowman:
Look, your controls don't work.
Xelloss:
You must be using them wrong.
Shadowman:
No, they don't work. Here's some photos.
Xelloss:...
Shadowman:
We're not "bitching" we're telling you about the problems
in your system. There's a lot of them.
Xelloss:
.... Very well.
(And so, the problems are fixed and Hardman's Bar opens at the Mazoku Community.)
Xelloss:
(Appearing out of nowhere!) Wow! The place looks great guys. It
doesn't even look like the Mazoku Community!
Topman:
(unenthusiastically) Thanks, Xelloss.
Xelloss:
Now, aren't you glad you moved? (Disappears).
Hardman:
.... ecstatic.
(Over the next few weeks, things go down hill....)
(Loud music is heard in the background.)
Shadowman:
Can you turn it down?
Waveman:
I need it to drown my depression out! It's for my sanity!
Snakeman:
Aw, Hell. Nobody from the old place comes here anymore. All we
get are guys like ... them!
Sharkman:
Am I drunk yet? BARTENDERRR! More Beeeeeerz! More BEERZ!
Blademan:
Right here! More beerz right here!
Ninja
Gaiden: !@#$!! !@#$!! !@#$!!
XTSpark:
This place is teh awsomz!
Spark
Chan: I've been trying to get a hold of Xelloss to toughen up the
rules .... but it's no good! These .... annoying people are infesting
the place!
Topman:
This place sucks!
Shadowman:
It's time to go to the man's office!
(And so the 'Maniacs go to the office of Xelloss only to find ....)
Shadowman:
Cut Chan!?
Britt: Hey, Gauntlet.... It's just "Britt" now,
by the way.
Shadowman:
You look like Hell! What's going on?
Britt: Xelloss asked me to help him out here and
.... he just left! Xelloss just left and didn't give me all the
administrative controls I need to run this place properly.
Spark
Chan: Oh, no.
Britt: All the mods here don't listen to me ....
I really wasn't prepared for all this. You gotta help me!
Shadowman:
Sure, Quick. Let's get .... dangerous!
Needlegal:
*slaps forehead*
(And, so begins a mass cleansing of the Mazoku Community ..... soon all the barbarians are barred at the gate.)
Torchman:
You will rue the day you crossed us!
Bitman:
We'll be back.
Snakeman:
Shut it! (slams the door shut!)
Shadowman:
And now we've gotten things running smoothly.
Britt: You bet!
Shadowman:
And it's all thanks to you. I've never seen someone rise to the
occasion. The last few months of newb wars were dreadful. To think
Torchman has so many annoying accomplices ...
Xelloss:
(Appears from out of nowhere) What .... did.... you ... do?
Britt: Ah, Xel! Well, we had to clean this place
up a bit. Things were going to Hell.
Xelloss:
Oh, were they?
Shadowman:
You bet. This place was known as "a community fallen completely
out of grace". But Britt here really pulled through. Why,
she -
Xelloss:
Yes, yes, I'm well aware of your .... activities. And things have
to run a bit differently here.
Britt: Oh ... okay.
Xelloss:
Yes. For starters, the current warnings system is hopelessly flawed.
I'll need to install a new "infractions" system.
Britt: But .... what about the current warnings?
Xelloss:
In the spirit of starting over, everyone will start off with a
clean slate. Unbannings all 'round!
All:
What!?
Hardman:
But .... but they were banned for a reason!
Xelloss:
Your rules are too harsh!
Britt: But you didn't have to deal with
all the trouble!
Xelloss:
Well, I'm sorry if I have a life!
Britt: We have lives too! But we're here and you're
not.
Xelloss:
Oh just .... do as I say!
(Xelloss disappears as the newbies flood the community.)
Torchman:
We're back! Justice prevails!
Blademan:
Storm the castle!
XTSpark:
We RULZ!
NinjaGaiden:
!@#$!! !@#$!! !@#$!!
Magnetman:
Damn that Xelloss!
Britt: No! No!! The newbs are back! They're back!
AHHHH!!!
(Cut Chan is swept away in the oncoming newbs!)
Snakeman:
We gotta take action! This place is descending into chaos again!
Torchman:
We will prevail for righteousness is on our side!
Shadowman:
Looks like it's on again!
(Months later, the community is once again cleaned and its reputation is elevated among other communities. The scene begins to have a few "remembering the Sinister Six" events and parties. That's when .... Xelloss returns.)
Xelloss:
Well, well. It looks like there's been more changes.
Britt: Yeah, we had to toughen things up. Again.
Things really got out of hand while you've been gone. Again.
Xelloss:
I want you all to know this has gone far enough. The dissolution
of the Sinister Six isn't some sort of Megaman 9-11! It was a great
team and we should respect it's memory. I want this Sinister Six
mess cleaned up by the end of the month!
Britt: .... fine. Whatever. I guess we can't feel
anything, can we? We have to be "professional."
Shadowman:
Oh that's about it! I can't believe you, Xelloss! "Sinister
Six mess"!? "Sinister Six mess"!? They were our
friends!
Xelloss:
I don't want it to become the community's 9-11! And I don't want
it made into an overblown event in my community!
Shadowman:
You dumbass! I can't believe you! Britt and the rest of us have
been dealing with the mess you slung us into and this is how you
treat us!?
Xelloss:
Hey, I didn't disrespect your friends.
Shadowman:
You called it a "mess"!
Xelloss:
You're overreacting! Calm down!
Shadowman:
Oh, that's it! We're outta here! And we're taking the bar with
us!
Xelloss:
What!? You can't do that!
Shadowman:
Watch us! Come along, Britt.
Britt: Yeah! Screw this place. I put everything into
cleaning it up and this is how I'm thanked?
Xelloss:
I never asked you to clean it up! It wasn't even me who hired you!
And ever since you took over Mazoku discussion has gone downhill!
That's why people come here! Mazoku discussion! You cowards! You're
all cowards! Men talk and work things out ... instead you just leave!?
You ingrates! You can't do this to me! I was so generous
to you all! GENEROUS!!
Xelloss:
You want to leave!? Well, fine! This place is over! I'm sick of
taking your shit! I just give and give .... you can keep your stupid
bar! See if I care!
(In a brilliant flash of light the Mazoku community is sucked into the ground and soon there's no trace of it but a barren landscape....)
Blademan:
Nooo! The Mazoku community!
Sharkman:
But it was so cool! It was too young! Too ... young!
Torchman:
You! (Points to the 'Maniacs and Britt.) This is your fault. You
will rue this day! You will RUE IT!
(And so, Hardman's bar is reopened in it's former location. And soon, the 'Maniacs bring back .... an old friend.)
Shadowman:
A little to the left.
(The technodrome topples over a skyscraper as it moves into position in between the buildings of Monsteropolis.)
Shadowman:
A little more.
(The ground shudders and windows throughout the block break. Cars honk their horns as the movement destroyes several main roads and causes congestion throughout the city.)
Shadowman:
Annnnnd ... we're good!
Geminiman:
I can't believe we forgot about this place.
Needlegal:
It's good to be away from the Mazoku Community.
Spark
Chan: And just think .... everything was usually okay, but it always
went downhill when Xelloss showed up.
Shadowman:
He could've had a great community .... if only he kept out of it!
Snakeman:
Well, I guess things turned out all right...
Needlegal:
And we learned something too.
Geminiman:
If it's about the spirit of the season, I'll puke.
Needlegal:
We learned that sometimes people just aren't cut out to be community
leaders. Xelloss actually had a pretty decent place, technically
speaking. The facilities were great and he even got the bar working
the way we wanted it. But his own personality did his entire project
in.
Hardman:
Come on, gang. There's a re-opening party goin' on and Cassandra's
probably swamped with orders.
Topman:
Well, until Xelloss reformats his personality, we are ..... The
Mechanical Maniacs!
The End
Cast: |
|||||
Classi Cal as ..... | ![]() Spark Chan |
Raijin as ..... | ![]() Snakeman |
Psycho Magnet as ..... | ![]() Needlegal |
Hadrian Howell as ..... | ![]() Hardman |
Nightmare as ..... | ![]() Topman |
||
Lennon as ..... | ![]() Geminiman |
Kenta (Kassidy) Eigen as ..... | ![]() Magnetman |
Gauntlet as ..... | ![]() Shadowman |