The Business of War

"Kill Now, For Elysium Awaits"

Scenario C
Makenshi (RPD)
Vulcan (RPD)
Nox (RPD)
Cossack's Comrades (C)(Mez)
Megaman (L)
Ascendant Androids (SA)

Location: Mt. Elysium
SA Infantry: 8423
RPD Units: 2142
Wily Bots: 172

All was quiet as a cool, dry air blew through the Rocky Mountains. The breeze whipped around what was once Mount Elbert, the highest peak in the Rockies, now rechristened Mt. Elysium. The hollowed out mountain was home to a massive underground base of operations for the Scissor Army, and was the launching site of some of the General's most powerful weapons.

A few miles away, out of range of the fortress's anti-teleportaion field, several teleportation beacons pierced the sky as the Comrades touched down, joined by Jack Vulcan, Makenshi, Nox, as well as the great hero himself, Megaman.

Drillman looked out over the mountain range toward their destination. "According to Geminiman's info, their base is about three and a half miles due north."

Jack crossed his arms, "I dunno about all this. The fact that we're relying on Geminiman here really leaves a bad taste in my mouth."

"Not half as bad as the thought of me working with you RPD scum." Diveman huffed.

"Look, we've already been over this." Drill spoke up. "We're gonna have to work together on this if we want to stop the Scissor Army. I don't want to trust the SA either, but Geminiman seems to no longer be brainwashed. I think we can trust him."

"He's right." The Blue Bomber spoke up. "If what Gemini says is true, then if we fail, all of humanity is doomed to extinction."

"Besides," Max added, "You Cossack 'bots have no choice anyway. This is gonna be your ticket out of a war crimes tribunal after this is all said and done."

Pharaohman looked down, thoughtfully. Something about this still bothered him. If Geminiman knew all of this, then surely Mesmerman did also. So why didn't he tell them this vital information earlier? Jade frowned at the thought of feeling like they were still Mesmer's puppets. Surely he had a reason for not mentioning this, but what?

Vulcan saw Jade deep in thought. "Hey, something you want to share with the rest of the class?"

The Egyptian knight shook his head. "No, it's nothing."

"Good, 'cause we have no more time to dally. Let's head out."


In Elysium’s War Room, Napalmman grasped his dogtags tightly as Cutman authorized the use of the chemical warheads. It was the smartest order Cutman had given him ever since he came back from Iraq. Neither Napalmman, nor his Androids were interested in dicking around with this war anymore. Despite all of Cutman's blustering, Elysium felt like miles away. He didn’t want to fuck around with yet another mudhole invasion. He didn’t want to take any more empty pleasure slaughtering more fucking simpering blood buckets or their shit-for-brains saviors. None of that bullshit was fun anymore, to him or the Shit Piles. They just wanted Elysium, the paradise that they’ve been fighting and dying for what seemed like a fucking eternity. And they wanted it now.

As Cutman transmitted the authorization codes, engineer Joes perched in front of computer screens wordlessly, but frantically hammered away at their keyboards. The surviving Androids had all gathered in the room to witness the momentous occasion seconds after Cutman gave the order.

“Missiles fueling…” an engineer Joe blathered. “Estimated time before launch: two hours.” Napalmman “nodded” excitedly. At long last, the shitstorm was going to clear up. But he knew damn well it was going to get worse before it got better as he switched his com on.

“Pissbag! Bulletstoppers! Don’t just gawk around with your dicks in your hands! You know where you should be!” Waveman grumbled to himself as he waddled over to his post. He hated the thought of cooling his heels in what was basically the missile’s shitdrain. But over Pissbag’s dead body was Napalmman going to let the SA’s one water source be breached by, Diveman, Pirateman or some other aquatic bellycrawler.

“Don’t take your eyes off these sissy eggheads for a second, Gypsy Bitch,” Napalmman barked.

“Argh, another fucking babysitting job? Goddamnit, you asshat! ” Crystalgirl groused, shooting Napalmman her stinkeye, which he was used to and relished.

“I'll be out enjoying this mountain air. Try not to fuck off too much, ladies,“ Napalmman ordered.

"Wait, what about us? What are we supposed to do?" Stoneman asked, motioning to himself and Gravityman.

"Quit your bawling. I'll call you two piles of dicksnot if I need to. Until then, just keep your weapons ready and assholes puckered," The two earth-shaking Shit Piles nodded and saluted as Napalmman rolled towards the front entrance. As he took his position outside, he watched the Joes scrambled to their designated posts, nicely and neatly like the good boys they were.

“What’s the status of our surveillance forces?!” Napalmman bellowed into the com.

“Already mobilized,” an engineer Joe blandly responded. “If there are any intruders approaching, we’ll see them well before you will,”

“I’m gonna hold you to that cheesedick,” Napalmman warned as he readied his howitzer and slipped his dogtags from Mr. Garland around his neck. Despite the tense atmosphere, it all seemed like a dream to Napalmman. Within a few hours, the world, the future would be theirs.


>Elysium had been exactly how Gemeniman described it; uninspiring and barren. Despite the initial impression however, as they got closer, the assault team was taken asunder by the size of the quarry that had been formed. Stretching miles down the to foot of the mountain, it was a war zone just itching to be awaken.

To the RPD officers, it was a terrible shock that such a thing had not been investigated. To Vulcan, however, it made sense rather quick. The Pacific side of the United States had not seen many large-scale invasions, and so the Robot Police were more immediately concerned with the threat of an assault from the SA-occupied Nonstropolis.

Why should they spend money on monitoring such an undesirable, isolated area that appeared so tranquil from a distance, especially if the Scissor Army had a stranglehold that was more close to home?

The tall, slim man bit his lip and instinctively reached for a cigarette, annoyed by the enemy's advanced war strategy. Megaman, sitting idly on a rock nearby began to visually scrutinize his partner. He had caught Rock's glance, and the minuscule robot redirected his gaze bashfully.

Vulcan was surprised by Megaman's personality. Although he was a hero, an almost unstoppable machine that singlehandedly saved the world many times before, he still maintained the emotional level of a well-behaved child.

"You... don't have to worry about my health."

Rock turned to him, afraid to patronize the older-looking person. "Uh... I know. But, it's still not a very healthy habit. There are plenty of humans who could get cancer from secondhand smoke..."

Vulcan was not swayed by this insight, but it did bother him. He knew this better than anybody, but rather than resolve to quit, he merely thanked Rock for his concern and went elsewhere.

As he walked, he studied the scenery of Mt. Elysium. Clearly enough, a large battalion of machines had been gathering. This bother him. Did it mean that they had been spotted? No, that was impossible. There wasn't a thing to be seen aside from the mammoth, hollowed out mountain.

He approached the Comrades with caution, intending to speak with Drill. Diveman stood nearby, drinking something from a flask he always carried. Although Cossack and the RPD were now aligned with each other, Vulcan was uneasy about Dive's salty, asshole-like nature.

The last time they met had been at the Citadel, long before the war started. At that point they were on decent terms with each other... or rather, neither of them expressed hostility. The big guy probably had a fit when he heard that Mad Max had joined the RPD, in turn betraying his alliance with Cossack. However, regardless of instigated conflict, Jack maintained his composure.

"Hey, Mike... the SA's mounting a pretty nasty blockade." With that, Drillman just stared at him. It was rare that anybody referred to him by his real name, so each time it happened came as a shock.

"Yeah... what do you think we should do?"

"We should strike now, before they have a chance to get any further down the mountain than they already are."

"Well... you're leading the RPD portion of the party. You should probably do it now if you feel like it's necessary."

Vulcan took a deep breath and looked away to the side.

"Listen... I'm sorry about joining the RPD. I owe my very existence to the doctor..."

Dive grunted loudly as he lit a cigarette, but Drill seemed more convinced of the Jersey Devil's sincerity.

"Well, you know I can't hold a grudge against you... I don't know about the Doctor, but he's always very depressed when you're mentioned. He still really feels bad about what happened..."

Almost two years ago, Starman went to Dr. Cossack for upgrades and repairs to his systems. Without a team to rely on, he was left to seek help from any resources possible. Being on good terms with the Comrades, he paid the Doctor a visit. A friendship quickly formed between the two.

What Vulcan learned had shook his world forever. His injuries were not as severe as he thought. Instead, he was suffering from the late stages of lung cancer. The only reason he could still move like he could was because of his cybernetic implants. Regardless of his prosthetics, nothing could be done to save him without seeking the help of medical professionals. As a wanted criminal, Vulcan refused to surrender.

The kind man that he was, Cossack compromised to make a backup of Vulcan's consciousness and to build him a new body, shaped in every possible way to emulate his physical properties as a human. The real Vulcan, his true name dying with him, spent his final days in the Citadel, watching as he was born again.

Despite technology's extreme advances, it was still impossible to transfer the mind of a dying human into an entirely mechanical body. The departing patient could not truly escape death, and any claims otherwise were likely a ruse. They would always live on, but they were doomed to mortal conclusion. It always haunted Vulcan to know that he was, in a figurative sense, nothing more than a phantom.

" pained him to see you die, and because of that... I think he sees you as the most human of all his creations. I mean, we're all blurring the line, but you were the first of us to ever exist as a friend before his own invention. To him, your freedom as a human being matters the most..."

Vulcan stood, arms crossed with his head held low. Drill's conclusions sometimes had insight, but this one was probably the most accurate he had heard from the pointy-headed geek.

Diveman, rather than scowling as he usually did in such positions, simply muttered a few curses before offering his own advice, "Ya homos better not start cryin'. I'm in no mood right now, so just call in the cavalry, damn it!"


Crystalgirl sulked in the Surveillance Room as she leaned behind Joe as it watched the surveillance feed from Wily bots scattered throughout the forest. There were roughly a little over a 150 Wily bots stationed at Elysium pulling the job that should’ve been Gyro’s. Most of them were losers like rattons, battons, yambows, even a handful of moles should the Cossackers get cute and try to dig past their defenses. But to her annoyance, the only thing those throwaways were spotting were trees, squirrels and nothing else for the last half hour. Crystalgirl groaned as she absently twirled a crystal on the tip her finger. Only Captain Asshat could find a job more humiliating than guard duty, and only Captain Asshat would dump it on her lap. On the bright side, Asshat had to be just as bored perched outside waiting for something to nuke, but those missiles still couldn’t launch fast enough.

As Crystalgirl made her crystal dance on her fingertip, something caught her eye on one of the Joes’ monitors.

“Hey, what’s that?” Crystalgirl asked as she loomed over the Joe’s shoulder. Not saying a word, the Joe typed in some commands into the ratton he was watching. The ratton stopped right in front of a gaping hole in the ground. It looked as though something had burrowed into the ground. Something not friendly.

“Hey Captain, the kids are home,” Crystalgirl dutifully reported over the com.

“Hot Shit, Dutchess! Where am I burying these worms?” Napalmman bellowed excitedly, as she heard his howitzer readied itself at the other end.

“That’s the problem, Captain. The brats coming at us from below ground. In the southwest.” Crystalgirl winced as her “superior” officer threw a deafening, verbal, obscene tantrum like the kid he was for several seconds.

“Fucking pussies. Fine. Guess Brickback Mountain can squash them or some shit,” Napalmman grumbled.

“You heard him, bro!” Crystalgirl encouraged as she affectionately patted her little brother on the back. Stoneman simply cracked his knuckles as he grabbed a massive battleaxe he swiped from some statue back in Berlin.

But just as he was about to step out of the door, a red and black drill…thing burst out of the ground just outside of the woods at the foot of the mountain. At first she thought it was Groundman with a new silly paintjob, but then it quickly unfolded itself into…Drillman? But…didn’t Cutman slaughter that dork back at Cossack’s citadel? Crystalgirl watched in astonishment as several more Cossackers piled out of the hole…along with “Shiken” and…Vulcan…?…Megaman…? What the hell?! Why couldn’t some of these bastards stay dead?!

“Uh…Captain? You’re not going to believe this…“ Crystalgirl warned over the com. Just as she about to break the bad news, air raid sirens started noisily blaring throughout the base.

Sir! We have incoming enemy aircraft at twelve, four and eight o’clock, sir!” a lookout Joe to her right reported. Crystalgirl tore her gaze from the screen and glanced at the second Joe’s monitor. Sure enough, there several dozen navy blue and grey RPD choppers closing in around them. Hissing in frustration, Crystalgirl glanced back at the first screen and noticed that Loverboy was speaking into a small walkie-talkie.

Seconds later, Crystalgirl frantically braced herself as every corner of Elysium buckled and rattled. Several RPD bombers swooped down from every corner and obliterated several unfortunate fortifications and artillery all around the base. As some of the fortifications went up in smoke, RPD Swatbots and Neo Officers started parachuting out of choppers in droves, their blasters blazing. Not taking this crap lying down, Napalmman and SA anti-aircraft guns barked back, releasing a volley of flak and heavy artillery fire into the skies. A couple dozen choppers erupted into flame and plummeted to the ground, but one or two of them got lucky and crashed on top of pillboxes, much to Crystalgirl’s annoyance.

“Fine. Two can play this game…” Napalmman grunted. Seconds later, the old Asshat’s over-the-top voice boomed throughout speakers throughout Elysium.

“Alright Super Troopers, I want our birds in the sky, and our dogs on the ground ASAP before I blast you all up your peeholes!” Pilot Joes from every corner of Elysium quickly and efficiently filed into the hangar. Within a few seconds, Scissor Army fighter choppers, jeeps and tanks were all roaring out of their hangars to greet their guests.

“Brickback! G-Pounder! You’re not here just so that you two can loaf around with you thumbs up your sorry asses! Get your worthless hides out here!” Napalmman screamed into the com.

“Heheh, I thought you’d never ask!” Gravityman responded as he and Stoneman sauntered out through the front gate. Crystalgirl sneered as she watched the siege from her nosebleed seat. It was a mere eventuality that Mesmerman or Pretty Boy clued them to their whereabouts. And she didn’t know how the hell the Comrades and Megaman cheated fate and death, or what those two Android rejects were hoping to accomplish with their pathetic strike team, but it wasn’t going to be to any avail. This was the SA’s home turf, and they’ve had the whole war to prepare for this battle. There were a plethora of traps, toys and goodies to chew up the good guys and spit them out.

This battle was already written. She just hoped it wouldn’t be too boring.


>For the first time ever, the current War had begun to take on attributes of the second World War. The British Royal Navy and the United States Air Force had joined forces with the RPD for an air strike. Turning over their planes for a final assault, they had been fully repainted and each assigned robotic pilots.

The ground erupted in explosions from missiles being dropped all across the land. The Scissor Joes took refuge in a system of underground tunnels and unleashed machine gun fire from every fixed turret they could. The RPD foot soldiers rushed in following the initial air strike, shielding the commanding officers from any and all frontal assaults.

It was a fight that was much unlike anything Megaman had ever seen before. All these years, he took the fortress battles almost entirely on his own. The rumbling explosions, the screech of jets zooming across the sky, the machine gun fire that spelled instant death for any and all it made contact with... it was a new world. Completely overwhelming to the blue robot.

Accompanying him was Drillman, followed closely by the Cossack's Comrades and the lone RPD officer Nox. They were assigned to protect what the Robot Police deemed to be the most important weapon available. No harm was to come of Megaman. He was to be preserved for as long as possible. Not until they had entered the main gate were they allowed to let the Blue Bomber wreck havoc the way he was known for.

The entire squad heading toward the Main Gate was a distraction. Not only were they too far away, slowly making their way closer through the morning air, the endless number of SA troops suppressed the assault team heavily. The air strike had wiped out a number of them, but even then there was a firm stranglehold which the RPD could not shake off so easily.

The real focus came from a few miles away. Gemniman had described a hydroelectric plant that existed within Elysium. He was not aware of whether or not it could be done, but in order to link the plant with the Twin Lakes, an underwater passageway was likely to exist. Diveman, given his new submarine form was perfect to escort Starman and "Waveman" into Elysium. The powerful strategy that had been planned was about to came to a slow, grinding halt.


Crystal-Chan twirled her shards playfully, examining the "stealth" team attempting to enter Elysium through the hydroelectric plant. Each spybot captured was quickly destroyed by a gunshot from Starman. There was no anger in her gaze. Rather than advance with fury, she studied him eagerly. Although it was within her protocol to report this to the Captain, she held her position of silence.

In Izhevsk, she sacrificed her dignity to seduce him.

She used memories that belonged to a human being who had once worn her armor. They were memories that disgusted her. It made her sick to think of the things that "Starman" had done to her. Not once did he ever violate her directly, but the memories that Crystal-Chan shared with that disgusting human girl haunted her as if they were her own experiences. The feelings those two once shared could not once escape her, and because of that, she was always left feeling dirty.

There was festering hatred within her. She would have revenge on that miserable man. He would suffer for her memories. Those nights he violated her would not be forgiven. And, after that, the missiles would eliminate the very wench who let him do those horrible things, and along with her, the other cretins from her team. Crystal-Chan absolutely resented those people. She wanted vengeance, and to make the former "Ascendant Androids" scream in pain, but most of all, to castrate that one particular person for all the things he brought upon her.

She crushed the dancing shard she had been playing with, and smiled as she activated a communications link with Waveman. She would have her vengeance, but the first step was to eliminate those two fools accompanying him. Then, she would finally give him the execution he truly deserved...


"Kill them! For the glory of Elysium!!"

The other Comrades, plus Megaman and Nox, were currently locked in battle with the army of Scissor Joes at the front gates. This skirmish was not to gain entry into the base, however. This was merely a diversion to allow Dive to sneak into the hydroelectric plant with Vulcan and Max, hopefully without being seen.

"How are you guys holding up?" Pharaoh asked his Comrades, detatching a Joe's head with his sword.

"So far so good!" Drill responded, punching a neat hole through two Joes with a pair of Drill Bombs.

"I'm holding up fine!" Bright called back, gunning down one Sniper Joe with her buster and electrocuting another with her plug-like 'pigtails'.

"I can do this all day!" Dust shouted as he sucked up a Hammer Joe's iron ball, then fired it back, smashing the Joe to pieces.

Megaman, true to form, continued to mow down Joes with his Mega Buster. Nox was farther away, but seemed to be holding his own as well.

"Still..." Jade incinerated another pair of approaching Skeleton Joes with a Pharaoh Shot. "This is getting boring. I hope we can do something more interesting soon."

"Oh? You should be more careful what you wish for."

Pharaohman's eyes widened in horror. He's heard that voice before. Twice. Looking around for the source, he there appeared to be nothing. But then he looked up and saw him. Gravityman, with a cruel grin plastered on his face, was slowly walking down the wall of the fortress towards them. Then he leapt down, hovering a few inches off the ground in front of the gate. The remaining Scissor Joes even froze in terror at the sight of the Android.

The Egyptian-themed Comrade raised his buster. Or tried to anyway, when he discovered that he couldn't move. "Guys, get out of here!" He called to his friends as best he could.

"No good." AM responded, with a hint of dread in his voice. Jet and Sean found themselves unable to move either. They'd all been trapped in the gravity master's cosmic grip.

"No more games, you Cossack pigs!" Gravityman's grin quickly evaporated into a look of hate and disgust. "I don't know how you managed to survive at the Citadel, but I'm making sure there's no escape for you this time." His gaze focused on Pharaohman and Brightbabe. "You two were the biggest thorns in my side. I'm going to enjoy teaching both of you an excruciating lesson..."

The Android was interrupted by a plasma bolt whizzing past his head. He turned around to see none other than the Blue Bomber staring him down.

"Another goddamn corpse rises from the dead to face me?!" Gravity's scowl hardens.

"I'm your opponent today, Gravityman." Megaman exclaimed.

"Sounds like fun." The Android sneered again. "I'll make you wish you'd stayed a fucking corpse."

As Gravityman readied himself against Megaman, he waved an arm towards the Comrades, flinging them away with strong instantaneious g-forces. The four robots sailed a good fifty meters in just a couple of seconds. They were set to splatter rather messily against the mountainside , but some quick reverse vaccuum action from Dustman ejected a cushion of dust and soot against their landing point, making the end of their journey less lethal, but still extremely painful. And filthy.

When the dust settled and the Comrades crawled out coughing and rubbing their eyes to find themselves more or less in one piece, they thanked Cossack for the durability of their new armours before looking back to the distant battlefield from whence they came. It was hard to make out, but the flashes of plasma indicated Megaman hadn't been crushed instantly, so the clever hero must have at least figured out the powerful android's limitations already.

"Whew." Jade dusted himself off. "I really wasn't wanting to fight that guy again anytime soon."

Jet nodded in agreement. "I'm a little worried about Megaman fighting him alone though."

"If anyone can fight off ungodly strong opponents solo, it's that little blue guy. I think it's best we leave him be." Drill spoke up. "Look, we're closer to Nox now. Let's help him finish off the Joes, then look for another way in."

"Hey, aren't you forgetting?" Dust spoke up. "We're kinda here as Megaman's bodyguards. We can't just abandon him like this! At least one of us has to get back there!"

Drillman didn't show any uncertainty. "That objective was BS from the beginning. We weren't protecting Megaman, he was protecting us. Trust me, I know he's the one that's going to be catching up with us later..."


>Hack, slash, hack, slash. Repeat over and over. The gears of Nox's mind moved at a rapid pace, attempting to cut down the Joes as fast as he could muster. His cloak had been singed, and a few bullets had nicked him leaving cuts; it didn't matter to him though. All that mattered was the end of this goddamn battling.

"More...more...more..." his mind echoed like a broken record. More, but more of what exactly? More deaths? More silence? Nox wasn't going to bother with the details.

Another unit of Joes took a defensive formation to his right. Before they could fire, Nox threw a small container into their formation; a burst of fire followed as the container shattered, the Joes thrown into disarray. Nox took a second to look at the fire as it ate away at the metal skin of the Joes, making a note in his head to thank the apothecary who had supplied him with it.

But five was not enough. There needed to be more...more...more...

"No looking back Nox, you could not save them , you could never save them, but you can take revenge for them, these...these....generic things or whatever need to SUFFER. Eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth, you know what they say; the old General has plenty more, no time to dally, no time to--"

Another shot grazed his shoulder. Carelessness perhaps; Nox ducked down among the fallen corpses, crawling on hands and knees towards the gunfire.

"How dare you do that to me my boy, I had this cloak made special, just for me and my body and I take offense to how you tear it up like it is a paper towel!"

Nox's staff found its way into the heart of another Joe, followed by another in a quick stroke. At this rate, it would take all night; the army of Elysium was a large one, if not very bright, Nox had to admit. They would all DIE someday though.

More gunfire! Nox continued dodging, making his way to another group. More slashing, more damage, more pain. No not pain; Nox did not want more the pain. Anything but that, anythi--

In his thoughts, Nox fell into the dry dirt face first. Struggling a little to get back up, he found himself surrounded, pinned down by Joes. What had he come to? How did he trip so easily; and he was going at such a lovely pace too...

"This noise, this noise, this noise! All of the guns, the bullets, the clank of metal upon metal in an orgy of battle! Will it all just shut up!?"

Nox got a silent answer as the Joes arround him were torn away by the fire of other robots. The Cossacks! Nox was helped up by Jade, who looked him straight in the eyes.

"Hey Nox, you okay?"

Nox looked Jade straight back, and said in a normal tone:

"No, I am not okay. I haven't been for quite a while now."

Jade tried to find the words to ease Nox's mind. "Hey, don't worry so much Nox! We're strong, we've got a great plan, and we have the support of Megaman.

Nox looked up at the sky, then shook his head as if denying what Jade had said. "I'm afraid not my friend. Not when we are dealing with whatever is coming towards us. No, we have every right to worry."

Indeed, Nox's words seemed a prediction of the future, as the mountainside behind them erupted outwards in the shape of a giant, stone hand. The palm stretched over them like an umbrella, blotting out the sun. Dirt and crags sprayed out over them from where the hand emerged, disorienting the already dust-logged group. They barely had time to scramble out from under the stone canopy before it slammed down onto the spot where they stood, instantly crushing and burying the numerous Joe corpses that had been lying there.

From the center of the newly-created debris, the figure of Stoneman rose from the shattered rocks, previously unseen statue pieces floating in to join the white, rocky body. Once his axe was formed, Stoneman began to lumber towards them, towering over the field as if the soldiers were insects.

The giant monstrosity formed in front of them. All except Drill flinched when they saw him. Drill just started laughing.

"Well, it seems the illustrious Napalm isn't holding back on us. Shall we oblige by not holding back?" he asked.

Before anyone could respond, Stone swiped the axe right at them. The good guys jumped out of the way.

Nox looked like hell. "Okay, anybody have any ideas on how to stop this guy?"

Jet looked around to find Stone's position. "Well, I could focus my freezing powers on Stone and we could attacked his immobile form."

"A good plan for retreat true, but I do not think we can take him down with our weapons. Possibly we could call Dive. His bombs might come in handy..."the leader pondered.

And as if on cue, the radio flickered to life. Pharaoh picked it up.


Static garbled through the radio. "Guys...fuc...Need Help...Devil..."

A look of shock appeared on Dust's face. "That was Dive. He sounds like he is in trouble."

Jet stared at the radio. "But from what?"


"You better realize that I'm gonna need payment for my services... word on the street is that ya smoke sum Hemmingways. Those things are tough ta get. Gotta search the whole fuckin' Earth and den sum for one god damn pack."

"Yeah... I ain't got them on me. How about some Cubans?"

"If you give me a box of Cubans, I swear to god I'm gonna fuck ya up for it. Sure, I'd take the box anyway, but I ain't no idiot. Those things may be hard to get in the States, but it's fuckin easy everywhere else. Hemmingways are the real goldmine, you Road Warrior reject."

Diveman reached into his jacket and pulled out a flask. Uncapping it, he took a drink of Russian Maalox. Recapping it, he glared at Vulcan for an immediate answer.

"You're pretty good at cracking people's nuts, man. I've got some, yes. I haven't seen my stash in something like a year, though. Once the war's done with, I'll fetch you some."

Dive grinned, muttering a rough, victorious grunt. He didn't say another word, and followed the trail Christopher Walken was leading them. Gunshots could be heard far away, back where the others had deployed themselves. Makenshi was directing them to the lake using an internal detection system.

By underground networking, he had received old-style technology that the Ascendant Androids used before the war started. Using watches, armor could be transported from anywhere in the world onto the body of its owner and back again. Once more, Shiken Max was Waveman.

This technology was nothing but a relic to Vulcan, who was now almost always in the lightest possible armor. Its minimalism revealed a very tight body that could be considered nothing more than a simple exaggeration in the wake of rebirth. The reality was however, that he had always been slim and tall. His bulky old armor had simply betrayed his appearance. This body was made to emulate his human self as closely as possible.

Compared to all that, Diveman's story was nothing much. He was only there because he had no other choice, and although he was beyond annoyed at Vulcan for joining the RPD after all that Cossack had done for him, he'd get a load of crap from Pops if he did anything to harass the guy. He just tolerated it. At least he didn't have a connection to the Comrades as a teammate. In Dive's mind, that was the only thing that set him apart from Rebel.

The entire landscape, despite the faint, yet thundering combat miles away, was serene. The lake glistened in the sun, casting a glow that cursed the eyes with blinding arrogance. The lake itself, the closer one got, became nothing more than uninviting. The three of them said nothing to each other, but all of them could still feel the same, anxious sense of dread that crept up their mechanical spines.

Now at the edge of the water, Diveman stepped in first, transforming into a submarine. Makenshi stepped in next as Vulcan smoked the rest of his cigarettes before they could get wet. He then readied his goggles. It amused him to think that all this time, they did, in fact... do nothing. They protected his eyes from the wind and bugs jumping between buildings, but now they served an unforeseen, yet incredibly practical use. Indeed, it was always good to be prepared.

As he stepped into the water, he swam to Dive and latched onto whatever the hell he could. He just hoped that it wasn't the guy's crotch. Maks, though with exceptional swimming abilities, also grabbed a hold. As they had finally been prepared, Diveman gave himself a single thrust forward, down into the blue.


>Minutes passed as Diveman escorted his comrades in the general direction of Elysium. If the entrance was anywhere, it was as close to the base itself as possible. Sure enough, a large, black silhouette emerged from the dark blue lake. It's brooding appearance never shifted, yet the edges became much more clear.

They had found the hydroelectric plant's underground cavern connecting the mountain to the lake. It's size was much greater than anticipated, but it made perfect sense that a large body of water would be required to power an entire mountain.

As with all heroic ventures into the badguy's base, things weren't easy. In fact, it became absolutely, positively fucking obvious the moment the three of them felt the water pressure become increasingly deadly. It suddenly faded, however. Vulcan, struggling to make out the details could see a moving whirlpool suck Maks away.

As quickly as it had happened, both the whirlpool and Waveman had disappeared. What had just took place required no genius to properly deduce. The Seventh Annual Watersports had begun, and as much as he wanted to go after him, Jack was at a complete disadvantage in their element, and now, given the perfect opportunity to proceed further into the cavern, it was the work of a complete moron to slam a gift horse in the balls. Whatever Diveman's reasoning was, he never flinched. Deeper they had traveled.

Everybody has experienced the fact that time stands still underwater. The ambiance takes away all understanding of the world known to land dwellers, and as a result, the distance traveled was unknown except maybe to Dive. Regardless, a great while later they had apparently reached their destination as large, cylindrical objects began to form in the murky blue. What was even more reassuring was a system of light at the surface of the water. In fact, just the idea that there was a surface meant that they had arrived somewhere.

So up into the surface Dive went. As he emerged, Vulcan activated his Zero Unit and began a long jump off his back. Landing on the docks, he was greeted with the hasty sound of gunfire. Running for cover, he quickly took his goggles off and locked them on his forehead. Moving his hair out of his eyes, he evaporated the water on his body with a slight wave of heat from his internal plasma generator. Reaching to the back of his belt, he armed himself with his pistol.

He could hear the Joes that had opened fire being trashed about. Dive had finally emerged from the lake and was en route to clobber anything he could find. Jack stepped out from his hiding spot, running along the cold, rocky floor.

"Yo Geoff, save some for m--"

Diveman responded to the direction of Vulcan's raspy, lightly accented voice, annoyed with the use of his real name. The only thing he saw was a stack of metallic crates.


Meanwhile, the final battle was waging all around Mega Man and his demented adversary. RPD Neo Officers and SA Joes charged past each other, their guns blazing. Artillery fire screamed all around them, exploding violently and swallowing up unfortunate officers pressing forward. And elsewhere, valiant robots Megaman at one point called his enemies waged war against a petrified juggernaut. Megaman felt terrible for abandoning his allies to Stoneman, but turning his back on the monster before him would be a disaster.

Unafraid, Megaman clenched his fists as he stared down his monstrous foe that used to be Gravityman. Pharaoh Man and Bright Babe warned him about this twisted monstrosity back in London. He knew this wasn’t the rebellious warrior that the Protoman imposter siced on him in what felt like five lifetimes ago, but more a like a sadistic force of nature. But wasn’t until Megaman saw the burnt red and silver, mutilated, almost skeletal robot before him that it finally sunk in.

Heheheheh...So the legendary Megaman wants to do battle with me…What an honor this is… “ Gravityman sincerely proclaimed as he bowed humbly before Megaman. However, Megaman had no interest in bantering with the sick monster and simply narrowed his eyes and retracted his hand into his Mega Buster.

“…What a perfect way to usher in a new era!” Gravityman finished, smiling cruelly and locking his mad gaze with Megaman’s. As he casually lifted his hand, countless small rocks, boulders and dead trees floated up in the air, surrounding the maniacal killing machine. Chuckling softly, Gravityman lazily tapped rocks and trees as they danced in front of him, sending them rocketing at Megaman. The Blue Bomber nimbly slid under a tree as it sailed over his head, and blasted a rock racing inches towards his face. As he sprung to his feet, Megaman furiously unleashed a charged blast of plasma, following it up with a barrage of weaker plasma bullets. Gravityman simply sneered as he deflected his the bullets with some of the rocks still floating around him. However, the charged shot tore through the tree the madman flung at it, and several more rocks along the way, and burned into his left flank.

“Ahhh…It feels just as I remembered it…What fond memories…” Gravityman happily reminisced, as he licked the plasma burns on his arm, much to Megaman’s shock and disgust. Waving his finger, Gravityman reached skyward as three SA choppers loaded to the brim with air-to-ground missiles passed by overhead. Megaman watched in horror as the choppers were ripped to shreds in mid-air as they flew by. As the missile launchers were torn from the aircraft, the choppers’ ruptured fuel tanks spilled gallons of gas, forming pungent yellowish-white globules in suspended in the air. A spark from one of the torn engine cables instantly ignited the floating wreckages with a hungry roar. At the same time, the missiles launchers delicately emptied their charges out of their tubes like salt shakers, dumping them in front of Gravityman, just below the flaming wreckage floating above.

“Sizzling circuits…” was all Megaman could get out as he began recharging his Mega Buster. Gravityman simply smiled.

“I take it you’re having fun?” Gravityman politely asked as he idly spun a burning rotor in front of him. With a cackle, he flung the first barrage of debris at his nemesis. In a panic, Megaman ducked to the right and fired a salvo of plasma bullets at the incoming wreckage. He barely had time to pick himself up as another barrage of wreckage slammed into the ground at his feet, practically chasing him as he dashed towards the right.

Gritting his teeth, Megaman turned and strafed at the madman, but he didn’t get a chance to aim properly, and most of the shots went wild. Those that connected only seemed to excite Gravityman even more, as he peeled off blasted chunks off his armor.

Suddenly, Megaman felt himself get thrown back by what felt like a massive hand as a flung missile exploded in front of him, tearing bits and pieces off of Megaman’s signature blue armor. Just as he slammed into the rocky ground, Megaman screamed in sharp agony as a shred Gravityman tore off his armor skewered Megaman’s hand, pinning it into a solid rock.

“Oh, it’s just a flesh wound!” Gravityman teased as a hunk of burning, twisted metal lowered itself in front of Gravityman. With another fiendish sneer, Gravityman backhanded the wreckage directly at Megaman…


>The entire mountain shuddered, as though in terror of the massive stone giant as he continued his onslaught. Danger came from above and below as stone spikes shot from the ground around everyone while also trying to dodge Stoneman’s enormous axe along with the large rocks flying across the battlefield.

Jade blocked the flying stones as best he could with his trusted Eye of Horus and made the best use of his levitation techniques to fly around the spikes coming up all around him. Knowing better than to try blocking the stone axe, he shot skyward when it swung at him, responding with the Storm of Ra, a barrage of heat rays from the eye designs on his new armor. The ultra-hot beams scorched the earth around Stoneman, who howled in pain as parts of his stone skin turned to lava instantly, causing some degree of heat damage to his inner workings.

Furious, the stone beast gathered a huge ball of rock and threw it at Pharaohman. His shield absorbed the brunt of the impact, but it was still enough to send him flying, and he landed on the ground hard.

“You okay, Jade?” Dustman called.

“Yeah, I think so…”

Brightbabe turned her Flash Stopper on, in hopes of blinding the monster. As if nothing were happening, the SA officer continued attacking, pelting her with stones as she tried to protect her conspicuous headpiece. Would it kill Cossack to make that lightbulb out of something a little stronger?

AM ran over and swatted several larger stones away, grinding them to bits with his drill arms. “You alright?”

“Yep, thanks. But I’m worried about Dive. We don’t have time to fight this guy all day!” Jet mused aloud. Sure, Dive was a pain to her at times, but that didn’t mean she wanted him to die.

“Right. Then we’re just gonna have to hit him with everything we got!” Drill yelled. “Sean, get ready!”

Drill launched a pair of Drill Bombs, burrowing into Stoneman’s hide before exploding, sending stony shrapnel everywhere. The mass of loose debris was quickly sucked away by Dust’s vacuum. Suddenly, a glint of metal was visible in Stoneman’s body.

“There!!” Jade fired a Pharaoh Beam at the metallic orb, followed up by a trio of plasma shots by BB and a large fireball conjured up by Nox. Stoneman’s control orb fizzled as it melted, along with the stone around it. As that happens, the massive stone body crumbled to the ground.

“Wow, that was easier than I thought it’d be. Good eye, targeting the control orb.” Drill exclaimed. "Now let’s hurry to where Dive and the others went off to."

They turned around to be met by an approaching wave of Joes. A Flash Stopper from Jet, however, sent them frantically nursing their eyes as the Comrades hurried the other way.

Suddenly, Nox fell over, his injuries from earlier finally catching up with him. Dust stopped to help him up.

“Hey, are you gonna be alright?”

“I think so.” Nox picked himself up again. “But enough about me, let’s just get going!”

“If you say so.” Sean shrugged.

As they were about to follow the others, a stone hand burst from the ground and grabbed Dustman, squeezing him in its powerful grip. Turning in surprise, they saw the massive golem reforming. Unbeknownst to the Comrades, the control orb they destroyed was just one of several. He then played possum just long enough for them to think he was defeated so he could catch them off guard.

“Dammit…” Dustman muttered as he struggled against the mighty stone grip. “We’re in serious trouble.”

Nox meanwhile, appeared to be losing it. His rationality being slowly drained away in the chaos, all he could do was gaze in awe at the stone beast.

“Beautiful…” He muttered, almost trance-like.

“…the HELL?” Sean said to himself.


“Goddamn Feds!!” Diveman cursed as he took cover behind ‘nother stack o’ crates. He shoulda known betta than ta play nursemaid to a pair o’ pigs, no matta how well connected they were ta Pops. If there was anythin’ RPD was swell at, it was screwin’ folks over so that they kin play tha hero. ‘N worse yet, Mad Max cluthced onta 'is balls on tha ride in…jus’ before he screwed Dive outta his Hemmingways! Self-servin’ pigs to tha las’ drop, tha both o’ ‘em. Wherever they were, he hoped like hell they were gettin' slaughtered inta bacon.

Still, Dive wasn’ gonna lay down ‘n die simply ‘cuz those two swines wanted him ta. After takin’ a swig o’ his trusty Russian Maalox, Dive took aim at a pair o’ storm troopers that popped out from behind a pile o’ crates with his new harpoons. Jus’ tha dickheads were ‘bout ta fire, a couple o’ razor-sharp spike on a rope barreled thru their visors, ‘n lodged ‘emselves somewhere in their hollow skull. Smilin’ his trademark blade smile, Dive reeled tha fish in. Usin’ tha fishies as shields, Dive sidestepped ta ‘is left, towards tha plant, strafin’ Joes with Dive Missiles from his shoulder as he ran by. A coupla Joes dropped down ta his right, tryin’ to be cute ‘n take Dive by surprise, but Dive simply tossed tha bullet stoppers aside ‘n mowed ‘em down with missiles from ‘is gattlin’ gun. As the chatter o’ his gattlin’ gun died down, the loadin’ docks fell deathly silent. Did he get ‘em all? …Already?

Nope. Outta tha corner o’ his eye, Dive saw some Joe at a console, turnin’ a big red valve. Suddenly, Dive heard heavy, metallic groanin’ ‘n clickin’ as a heavy sluice slid down closin’ the waterway Dive swam in on. Within seconds o’ tha lockdown, the river ran dry, leavin’ nuthin’ but a gully fulla soggy rocks. At tha same time, Dive watched as grates o’ every shape ‘n size along the walls, floors ‘n ceilin’ slid open at every corner o’ the room. As the grates slid home, Dive heard a familiar, dark boomin’ voice over tha intercoms.

“Long time, no see you scroungy little fuck!” Napalmman greeted. “I was hoping to bag more of you pinko cheesedicks down here. But I’m more than happy to settle for your measly hide!”

“Bah! Eat the horsedick of Centaurman, ya asswipe!” Dive countered as he slipped his lucky jacket back on. He was kinda disappointed that Panzer Patty was gettin’ all Dr. Claw on ‘im rather than draggin’ his ass down here ta settle the score personally.

“Pipe down, dickweed. Believe me, nothing’d thrill me more gratefully than to barbecue your ass myself. But I’m needed elsewhere, so, I’ll have to let this sack of shit have the pleasure.” As Megatron hung up on ‘im, Dive could hear what sounded like goop bubblin’ ‘n churnin’ behind ‘im.

"Now what?!" Dive growled as he turned ‘round. Sumthin’ thick, gooey, ‘n metallic was pourin’ outta a pair o’ circular grates on tha north side o’ the room. Insteada spillin’ ‘n spreadin’ out throughout tha room, it jus’ kept pilin’ on like gel. As tha las’ o’ it stopped tricklin’ out tha grates, tha pile sprouted a pair o’ big, meaty arms ‘n started hoistin’ itself up. Before long, the soupy pile o’crap started lookin’ like a towerin’ metallic grey ‘n white beach ball with bigass arms ‘n legs ‘n two cute little horns. Tha center o’ its mug had white ‘n black rings surroundin’ its one eye, makin’ it look like some gayass bullseye.

“Feh, gonna havta do betta than that, Dr. Claw!” Dive scoffed, shakin’ his head as he slipped his jacket on. Ya seen one Devil, ya’ve seen ‘em all. Unimpressed, Dive let ‘er rip with his gattlin’ gun right in the Steel Devil’s eye. The eye quickly sank back inta its metallic muck, ‘n the missiles hit a whole lotta nuthin’ but gooey hide.

Not takin’ this shit lyin’ down, the Steel Devil lumbered forth ‘n swung a mean right hook. Dive quickly ducked underneath its chunky, blocky fist as it knocked the stack o’ crates over. Insteada takin’ ‘nother swing, it n grabbed onuva tha crates it spilled. Dive quickly picked ‘imself up, ready ta dodge an incomin’ crate. But instead o’ tossin’ it, the Devil simply crumpled it up ‘n stuffed it inside its gut. Dive’s eyes widened as the freak gained a hunka girth ‘n grew several feet taller.

“’Course. Otherwise, it’d be too damn simple,” Dive groused. Undaunted, Dive yanked out a handfula Dive Mines outta his arms ‘n flung ‘em inta the freak’s arm as it passed by. Sure ‘nuff, the Steel Devil swallowed ‘em whole, but insteada explodin’, the fucker grew ‘nother foot or so. Now it was time ta panic. No matter what Dive threw at him, the Staypuft Marshmallow Man could simply shrug off or eat whatever he threw at him. What tha hell would these psychos think o’ next?

Dive quickly scrambled away from the crates ‘fore Pac-Man swallowed his ass up too. Jus’ as he got ten feet away from the asswipe, it started sinkin’ thru a nearby grate. Whatever it was up ta, it wasn’ good.

There was only one thing Dive could do: call fer help…Again. He didn’ know if ‘is SOS signal’d make it outta the SA’s basement, but it was tha only card he had left.

"Guys, get yer asses over here!” Dive screamed as a forest o’ razor sharp spikes burst outta the ground, racin’ straight at ‘im.

“Ah, fuck me! I need help big time! There’s a devil down here, ‘n he ain’t goin’ down!" Dive hoped ‘nuff o’ it got through as he narrowly tumbled past another sharp spike shooting outta tha ground. ‘N he hoped like hell that his pals weren’ too bogged down to bail his sorry ass out. As he ran from a metallic tsunami roarin’ behind ‘im, Geoffrey Theodore Tarbox prayed.

“God…This is all yer fuckin’ fault! If ya fuck me over now, after all the shit ya put me through, I’m gonna shove my right boot down every last inch o’ yer throat!”


Silence behind that big beautiful emotionless face! At last, his mind was at peace! The battle rushed away and all calmed in Nox's mind for a few moments, an epiphany of nothingness. This face could not feel, could not judge, could not think...the angel of mercy come to claim Nox at last? It nearly brought a tear to his eye.

"" Nox tried to muster his words to this dear creature, trying his best to call out.

"You are beautiful; when I look at you, the light comes back to this dismal battlefield! O great angel, bless me, take the weight of this world off of me; I am not worthy to receive you, but say the word and I am whole!"

Stoneman looked almost surprised. Touching his free hand to his face, he ran it over the finely crafted features. Was that the word for his face? Beautiful? No one had ever called him that before, not even his sister. Yet he liked the sound of the word...beautiful.

Nox seemed shocked though, pointing to the face of Stoneman. "Oh dear, this cannot be! Why are you crying great angel?! No, you are not crying...someone has dared to hurt you!"

Stoneman felt over his face for any signs of damage. He felt something warm on his cheek; bringing his fingers close to his eyes revealed it was the blood of a fallen robot, gotten when he fell to the field. Not on his beautiful face, he couldn't have that! He scrubbed as hard as he could, trying to remove the oily mixture from his face before it left a mark.

Nox collapsed to his knees, due to the physical and mental fatigue. "O, is nothing immortal anymore? Not even the earth I stand upon will survive forever! What tragedy is this that befalls our universe?"

A thought came to Nox:

"Well? Get him already!"

Yes, yes, this was a battle, and this was a mere ROBOT, not an angel! What absurdity! Nox finally returned to his feet and raised his hands outward. In his palms materialized his long oak staff, the type use for more potent spells. To take this thing out...yes, it would need to be REALLY potent.

Ten seconds, and Nox's staff began to glow slightly, as his energies were focused through it. A light wind was blowing, perfect for a quick technique. Two seconds later, and the words rolled off of Nox's tongue:

"Topple him, west winds."

A short but powerful gust of air hit Stoneman square in the chest, sending him backwards and tipping him off balance. While Stoneman tried to regain his footing, he threw chunks of rock in Nox's direction, hoping to hit him. Nox reacted by quickly dashing around the rocks, not easy given his already tired state.

Dustman also took this lapse in Stoneman's attack to fire a blast of air from his vacuum at Stoneman's upper arm. the blast was thankfully enough to break it off, sending it crashing to the ground and allowing him to get free. He rushed over to where Nox lay, only to find a figure trying to help him up.

"Thanks Tempest," Nox said, after taking a deep breath. "That's Dustman, and the big one is Stoneman."

Tempest nodded to Dustman, acknowledging his presence.

Dustman went to assist Nox as well, keeping his eye on Stoneman. "Hey Nox, what's wrong with you? You were acting crazy back there! I mean it worked, but don't do that again!"

"Don't worry Dustman," Nox replied, starting to get his rationality back, "we won't have to worry about that. He won't fall for that twice."

Nox wondered to himself whether or not he had meant to actually do that. Was he going crazy? Who was that voice? His conscience? What was Nox doing to him? Dust...Stone...heavy heavy dust-filled air...something choking him, something around his neck, who was grabbing him?

More rocks. Stoneman had regained his balance, poised to fight another round.

Nox smiled for the first time in this battle, a weak smile but a smile nonetheless. He had a weapon now, a way to topple the creature before him. Most importantly, it could offer the opportunity to hit those orbs that held him together.

A problem, though: did he have enough energy left to keep hitting him with blasts like that? Sure, he could leave the actual hitting of the orbs to Tempest, and Dustman...Dustman, yes, Dustman. Nox smiled weakly again.

"Dustman, how powerful is your vacuum?" Nox asked in a hushed voice.

"Do you even have to ask?"

"Right...listen, I need you to keep blowing out air at him as hard as you can. Try to aim for his legs and tip him over I will assist you for as long as I can. Tempest, whenver he gets taken off balance, get up to him and look for orbs inside his body. Destroy them as quickly as possible. Is ithat clear?"

Both nodded their heads and engaged the mountain of a robot in battle. Nox attempted to steady himself again. Things were going well now that he had a plan of action...but the choking, it was still there? Dust? Stone? The choking, why wasn't it stopping?


>Vulcan was cut off before he could finish. Within a second, he felt something grab him by the leg, dragging him into the floor below. The world went dark as he was sucked into the ground.

Despite the thunder of rocks shifting in and out of place, he could not feel himself move, much less the endless, all encompassing landslide around him. Finally, light emerged as he fell to a shimmering floor. After making contact with the ground, he was quick to reassert his balance. Putting a hand to his forehead in pain, he glanced up at the world before him in both awe, and an unnerving sense of discomfort.

He had fallen into a large, foreboding glass chamber. Spacious, empty and barren. The ceiling resembled stained glass, decorated like a cathedral. Around him, floating chunks of multi-colored crystal and diamond-like rocks that simply hovered. The beauty of this room didn't phase him, though. Fully aware of who had dragged him down into this temple, he turned more off to the side, to a simple alter. Wait, no... it was a bed. It had to be. The very sight of its owner sprawled lazily, in an erotic fashion led to that singular conclusion.

“It really is gorgeous, isn’t it?"

He just stared into her eyes as she lay, head turned toward him. There was something... different about this. Unlike their encounter in Russia, she seemed...

"Straight to your room this time? No dinner and a movie? You're quite lustful for a machine."

As he spoke this, the very word he was searching for had rolled off his tongue without even thinking. Lustful... it sent shivers down his spine. This wasn't a half-assed facade like last time. She was serious.

"You and that disgusting wench are to blame for that."

Vulcan gave an a rather amused grunt at this absurd notion.

"Really... to think that you had me doubting the fact that you were just some doppleganger... I must be the horse's ass right now... but seriously, are we going to play games this time? I don't have time to screw you over a second time."

"Games?!" she spat, rising from her bed with what was pure fury.

Vulcan felt himself being pushed forward by a wave of energy that immobilized his arms and legs, causing him to drop his gun. Quickly, the surge of energy, a crystal wave had swept him up. At the moment he had reached the foot of the alter, the surging flow had finally stopped. Walking slowly down the steps, closer with each breath, she scrutinized his appearance. Suddenly, she placed her hands upon his abdomen, stroking it softly.

"You dreadful humans and your emotions... if it weren't for you and 'Crys' feeling such a strong attachment, I would be free from having to think of you this way. Do you know what its like, to live every day reliving memories that were never your own? For some reason, I was the only one of the Androids to be given memories from our human counterparts... I know what she felt that night when you forced yourself upon her, how she accepted it so warmly... she did nothing to fight it.

Yes... I recall you being her first. There's a lot more that I remember... how we did it three more times before questioning our relationship... how I wanted to leave things be. Did you think that I was being cold? I was afraid of what may happen if we went any further than a physical attraction. There was a lot I didn't know, and a lot I was terrified to experience. I didn't want to be hurt... you were someone special to me, Vulcan.

I let you become leader because I was depressed. I pushed everybody away from me as I drowned myself in alcohol, trying to avoid the pain. You made me feel things I never felt before, and it scared me so much to think of where we would go from there. There was no way I could be leader, being as weak as I was... you on the other hand, were strong and determined. You were a god from the heavens, and it always felt right to let you take my place as leader... but then, it was above all a better time than ever before to make it happen...

All this, and yet... those aren't my memories, you bastard!"

He grunted as he felt his restraints tighten, yet... he allowed himself to endure the pain.

"Every day since I sacrificed my dignity to lure you in as an officer, for the greater good of Elysium, these memories have been haunting me with an increasing tenacity. Do you understand what it is like to lose yourself, slowly becoming somebody else? Before I met you, I went by Crys' memories on what you were like. The conclusion I made was that you were a simpleton. All too human; easily manipulated...

Maybe it is my fault for underestimating you... but the moment you cut me down on my collarbone, I fell asleep and dreamed of your days together with Crys in greater clarity than ever before. I never understood her, but now I do, and I hate myself for it! I hate you, I hate Crys, and I hate Mesmerman for giving me these god damn memories! They're driving me insane! These disgusting human emotions are beginning to take me over, and I hate it! Before this glorious war ends, I swear to Elysium that I will castrate you here and now, in this very room!"

Suddenly, the restraints got tighter than ever before and Vulcan was forced to break himself free with a wave of heat from his plasma generator. From above, a spire of crystal came crashing down and he quickly jumped backward, narrowly avoiding the careening blue spike of death. Sliding across the smooth floor, he grabbed his pistol as CrystalChan dashed out some the shattering spire. He fired a couple shots at her, but she deflected them quickly by unleashing a barrage of shards to cancel out the plasma. She rushed at him and kicked him into the wall, pinning him down.

"What do you have to say for yourself, Jersey Devil? What is YOUR take on all this anguish you and your girlfriend have caused me? Do you find it funny? Do you pity me? I'll tell you something right now, buddy! I am not Crystal Ackerman! I am the Queen of Fortune! Crystal-Chan!"

Vulcan grunted as she held him him to the wall, struggling to speak.

"I think... that you need a fucking tampon!" He head butted her, cracking the crystal on her forehead. He felt blood trickling down his face, but he didn't care. He removed the barrel of his gun and unsheathed Engetsu. Both of his swords readied, he elaborated, "You're not Crys, so I don't give a shit what happens to you! If you wanna fuck me, I'm fine with that! First things first though, I'm going to kill that windbag Captain you've got!"

Crystal-Chan took a few steps back, laughing as she began to collect herself just enough for words, "You'll have to get out of here alive before that happens, my friend. This room is almost entirely sealed off! The only way out is by using MY powers! If you do find a way out, it'll be too late! The missiles will have already launched! After that, it's goodbye to humanity!"

Vulcan paused in disbelief.



Dive cursed ta 'imself 'n those deadbeat pigs as he dodged more haymakers from tha all-ta-massive Steel Devil. By now, tha fucker had swallowed up all tha crates in tha docks, ‘n his dead pals fer good measure, ‘n grew to tha size o’ a fuckin’ barn. The extra bulk was slowin’ him down, but since Dive couldn’ make a scratch on ‘im, it didn’ matter one fuckin’ bit. The metal beachball was busy chasin' after 'im with a pair o' death hammers as Dive ran like a mad thin', tossin' dive mines behind 'im, hopin' ta slow 'im down. Bad news was, it wasn' doin' shit, if anythin' he was closin' in. No two ways 'bout it, Dive was gonna be stampeded, hammered, than sucked up through a straw. What a way ta go.

Suddenly, Dive could hear tha all-ta-heavenly sound o’ drills borin’ through sold rock ‘n shit. Seconds later, who should pile outta the hole, but BB, Jade ‘n Bossman.

“Fancy meetin’ ya here!” Dive greeted as he dodged a wild hammer swing. Pharaoh ‘n BB quickly rushed towards Dive, eager ta rough the Michelin Man up a little. Bossman was simply starin’ off inta space, like he was in La-La Land.

“AM! Are you okay?” Jade called out. Drill shook ‘is head ‘n stared at ‘is pals like he was surprised ta see ‘em fer some reason.

“I…uh…nothing…” Drill stammered as he drew one o’ his emoside sabers. Did he git ‘is hands on some o’ Jay’s merchandise or some shit?

“My God, what is that?!” Jade gawked. Ol’ Tut predictably shot a pharaoh beam at its eye, but jus’ vanished inta tha goo like it did a thousand times before.

“Fer the love o’…If I could do that, I wouldn’ need yer asses down here!” Dive snapped. “I got a better idea. Light Bright, go charge yerself at one o’ the dynamos ‘round here, ‘n make it snappy, ya bimbo!” With reflexes Dive wouldn’ give her credit fer, BB skedaddled underneath a mean haymaker ‘n a right hook. Jus’ as BB jacked her pigtails in, tha Jell-o Man raised ‘is foot ta stomp ‘er. Actin’ quick, Dive, Pharaoh ‘n Bossman nailed tha Steel Devil with Dive Missiles, Drill Bombs, ‘n Pharaoh Shots right in its…noggin or whatever the hell it had, knockin’ it flat on its ass. The fat fuck hit tha ground with a splat, spillin’ steel soup every whichaway.

“Get back, ya tards!” Dive warned, pushin’ tha caped crusaders back as the ooze slithered down grates scattered all over tha room. “Ya ain’ full yet, Bulb Broad?!” Dive yelled. BB shook ‘er head.

“I need more time!” BB answered as she sucked up more juice. Swell. The whole lot o’ ‘em will be steely lard in the time it took BB ta tank up. Speakin’ o’ which, tha devil startin’ meltin’ inta what looked like a bigass gelatinous pool with warts. Suddenly, the warts started poppin’ like zits ‘n bouncin’ round tha room like super balls. Dive simply mowed ‘em down with his gattlin’ gun ‘n sidestepped ‘em where he could. Drill mostly just batted ‘em away with his emo saber. Pharaoh alternated ‘tween dodgin’ round ‘n deflectin’ ‘em with that crappy shield o’ his.

Unfortunately fer ‘im, as he blocked a superball, ‘nother one snuck up behind ‘im ‘n brushed ‘is shoulder as it bounced by. Ol’ Mumm-ra screamed in sharp pain as some o’ his shoulder got sucked up in tha goo.

Suddenly, tha bouncin’ balls stopped dead in their tracks ‘n solidified inta big balls o’ long, neelde-like spikes, coverin’ tha whole room. As the sea urchins took their positions, tha big pile o’ metal lard started rollin’ towards ‘em, risin’ higher ‘n higher as it closed in.

“We’re gonna need a bigger boat…” Dive joked as he grabbed hold o’ Drill ‘n Jade. As the wave closed in, Dive fired a harpoon inta tha wall o’ the trench he swam through on the way in. As Dive reeled ‘em in, Drill was frantically firin’ drill bombs at tha myriad o’ damn sea urchins blockin’ their escape. By some fuckin’ miracle, the three o’ ‘em tumbled face-first inta tha drained trench, just as the wave was ‘bout ta swallow everythin’ from tha waist down.

“Okay, that’s it! I’m full!” BB announced, soundin’ like a rugrat who used tha potty on ‘er own tha first time.

“Goddamn! Took ya long ‘nuff! Now git yer ass over here!” Dive bitched as he ‘n the boys climbed outta the trench. As BB made ‘er mad dash back, Dive shot ‘is left harpoon inta a rock wall behind ‘im, ‘n ‘is right harpoon right ‘round where the Steel Devil’s eye oughta be. Dive felt like fuckin’ Stretch Armstrong as tha fat bastard was tryin’ ta slurp ‘im up by tha harpoon.

“Geoff! What do you think you’re-“

“Shaddap ‘n pull, guys!” Dive interrupted as he dug his heels in. Jade ‘n Bossman grabbed a hold o’ Dive’s shoulders ‘n pulled wit all their might. Dive shot a glance over ‘is shoulder ‘n saw that tha cable fer his left harpoon was startin’ ta unravel, one fiber atta time. Jus’ as Dive was down ta tha las’ two or three fibers, BB had caught up with tha res’ o the gang, lookin’ confused as hell.

“Okay…now what…? Do I blind him or…?”

“Do that, ‘n I’ll drag ya in that bastard’s gut with me. Bossman, cut me off, now!!” Bossman quickly swung emoside sabre ‘n sliced tha right harpoon cable. Exhausted ‘n in a shitload o’ pain, Diveman slumped ta tha ground, ‘n tossed tha cut cable inta BB’s surprised hands.

“Fry tha bastard!” Dive shouted. Shuttin’ her eyes, BB wrapped her pigtails ‘round tha cable, ‘n dumped every las’ volt she soaked up right inta an unsuspectin’ Jabba the Hutt. The whole cavernous chamber was filled with tha sound o’ cracklin’ electricity as the aroma o’ burnt toast permeated tha air. Ol’ Round Boy twitched ‘n danced as smoke poured outta his skin ‘n arcs o’ electricity shot in ‘n out o’ his metallic fat ass. Cooked steel dripped, melted ‘n ran offa every inch o’ his body like snot inta nearby grates, makin’ ‘im look like a meltin’ candle. Before long, all that was left were a few piddly puddles o’ liquid steel, ‘n a scorched, smokin’ useless control orb lyin’ in tha middle o’ tha room.

BB was grinnin’ ear-ta-ear as she tossed tha cooked cable to one side, pleased as punch ta bring down a bad boy like that. Jade looked dumbfounded that the ol’ floorlamp had it in ‘er. Dive however, felt like a phonebook that got ripped in half by some shit-for-brains muscleman. It took a shitload o’ his strength to keep from droppin’ ta his knees. Still, aside from losin’ a harpoon, ‘n tearin’ the shit outta the other, he was doin’ peachy. But there was no way in hell he’d do that again.

“That’s how it’s done, gang!” Dive congratulated as he struck a match offa the dead control orb ‘n lit up a victory smoke.

“I don’t get it. What happened to Vulcan and Shiken?” Jade asked, stoppin’ to catch ‘is breath.

“Shiken got nabbed by ‘is evil twin. ‘N Mad Max, fuck if I know, fuck if I care. They’re big boys, they can take care of ‘emselves,” Dive dismissed. Truthfully, Dive hoped that they were both dead. Served ‘em right fer leavin’ holdin’ tha bag fer Pac-Man.

“So what do we do now?” BB asked, her smile fadin’.

“Good question. What say ya, Boss-“ Dive stopped dead in mid-sentence as he turned ‘round, only ta find Bossman vanished inta thin air.

“Goddamnit! Not again!” Dive bitched as he ‘n tha gang tried hailin’ him up on tha com.

“Huh…? What do you guys want?” Bossman answered over tha com, soundin’ kinda ticked.

“Where’d you go?” BB asked nervously.

“Don’t worry about me. I’m just…dandy! Go on without me, I’ll catch up later,” Drill answered in a chipper, but creepily eerie tone. …Dandy?

“Catch up later?? No! Drill, we need you! Tell us where you are!” Jade pleaded over tha com.

“…Look guys…I can’t explain it…But this is something I’ve got to handle on my own. Trust me on this,” Drill answered in ‘is normal tone. Tha gang shot each other befuddled looks. What the frig was comin’ over ‘im?

“…Look, just…Come back soon, alright?” BB replied reluctantly.

“Oh don’t worry! You haven’t seen the last of me!” Drill answered in that nutty tone again. Seconds later, Bossman cut tha connection.

“So…what now…?” Jade asked anxiously. Dive rolled his eyes as he fired his gattlin' gun at a buncha transformers.

“Use yer imagination!” Dive answered as he took a swig o’ Russian Maalox.


>From out of the ground, down from the ceiling, cascading from the walls, she was in her element. His plasma generators had kept him alive by vaporizing the crystals, but time after time she would reform the disassembled particles into animated glass serpents and structures that aided her at every whim.

Once again, Vulcan was pressed against time and felt immense pressure to finish her and escape the tomb. In Washington, he fell at the hands of Quint, who took full advantage of his diverted attention. It angered Jack to think that he could have won, had he not let himself rush without precision tactics. Things turned out alright, but this was something of a much larger scale than he could possibly imagine.

CrystalChan explained it without hesitating, about how Cutman destroyed all humanity in another dimension via chemical warfare. As far as he knew, nobody else from the assault team knew of these weapons, and no matter what, there was absolutely no communication between he, and the outside world.

It was for this reason, Vulcan fought with fury, cutting away every wave of crystal that he possibly could. He jumped between walls, energizing his feet so that he may not be held in place. While airborne, he launched arrows, he fired charged shots from his pistol, and he would constantly try to get in close to perform his deadliest melee attacks. It was all to no avail, as he merely began to overheat his mechanical body.

Tired, frustrated, he had slowly began to receive a large cache of embedded crystal within his body. "Kuri," as he referred to her in his mind, had been using a particular method of attack as he got near: the crystal shotgun. Although a simple spread of shards from her hands, the area it covered made it difficult not to keep moving without injury. Even the smallest piece helped to tear him up from the inside.

As in Izhevsk, the tactic was to fill the opponent's body with enough shards so that Kuri could rip them apart from the inside. Just like their first encounter, Vulcan did what he could to keep the shards vaporized and ineffective. Her random attempts to reform the shards kept him on edge, however.

Vulcan won last time at the expense of sacrificing his own body. By using the Supernova, he deactivated his automatic cooling system so that he could unleash a constant and limitless flow of energy. Although he won, he fell to the ground, unable to move his body. But now, more in control of his emotions, he did what he possibly could to reserve himself. For this fight, Napalmman was the one worthy enough to suffer the sting of Vulcan's true power.

And yet, with all this on his mind, he couldn't help but feel a true sense of meaning. For the first time in his life, he had his chance to truly, honestly make a difference. Up until now, Vulcan has only been doing a halfassed job for the RPD. Granted, when he worked halfassed, it came out alright, but in the end, it never brought him any satisfaction. He always wanted to claim the greater victories, and now was his chance.

This fight was something new to him. It was exciting. Sure, he may have had a similar type feeling in the past, back before things turned sour as they were beforehand, but now it was genuine. After death, he had begun to live harder than he ever did before. Deep down, his ambitions and sense for the greater good drove him to pour his heart and soul into the fighting spirit he had locked up for years.

It was the ecstasy of gold that was undermined by the increasing urgency of the real world. He was physically tired, dreading the reality of having to bore on into the task of cutting down Kuri's omniscient weapon of choice. It was all around him. There was no escape, and it was all too obvious to Vulcan that he may die in this glistening world, but still he fought.

She mostly stood at a distance, unleashing remote attacks that would tear her bitter sweetheart apart. Again and again, the brilliant structures came screaming. Again and again, they were dodged or eliminated by the searing heat of Vulcan's plasma weaponry. Again and again, she reformed them. Too much had passed for her to keep this pattern without a more sinister tactic well thought out with decadence.

She chuckled to herself as a plan formed in her mind, and moved into position. Soon, the onslaught on Vulcan nearly ceased, leaving her open. Not about to deny himself such an offer, Vulcan ran for her, his plasma blade screaming through the air as he approached. It was shocking when he made contact, the weapon slamming into her shoulder area, melting through the armor as if it were melted butter, and pinned her to the wall behind her.

Vulcan pondered this, and quickly decided that he had made a mistake. Sure enough, a searing hot pain blazed into his backside.... oh god damn it, he forgot about her lazer! Fuck! He had taken it out so fast in Izhevsk that it was almost nonexistant to his memory. He cursed himself; he was better than that when it came to detail.

Not one for dawdling, Kuri took advantage of his shock and formed a light blue blade along her arm and gave him a swift uppercut. With the blade swiping across the side of his face, Vulcan lost his grip on Engetsu. Kicking him in the chest, she had pushed him out of the lazer's concentrated, continuous beam, leaving him to fall down on his back. Engetsu, without its battery, lost power and fell to Kuri's feet.

Notcing the severity of this added threat,, Vulcan readjsuted himself and jolted off in any direction that Kuri was not. Not sure where the lazer had drifted off, he pulled out his pistol for a quick Star Arrow, should he find it. Meanwhile, Kuri began to fire her now-sigature shotgun bursts of glass. He blasted a few of the shards, but several nailed him in the chest, knocking him onto his back, and before he knew it, she had him pinned to the ground.

Choking him, she gave a manic chuckle that sent shivers down his spine. "You know what, as much as I hate you, I really do wonder what made your girlfriend so... phsyically attracted to you. You disgust me, but it wouldn't hurt to find out... at least, not for me!" She began laughing as she reached behind herself and stuck a crystal spike into Vulcan's left thigh. He couldn't help but try and scream in pain against her stranglehold, the spike driving deeper into his artificial flesh. "I like it rough, hun... for your sake, you better learn to enjoy it. This is just foreplay!"

As she laughed and began playing with his open wound, something... unexpected happened.

CrystalChan stopped with a sudden anguish in her voice, quickly becoming aware of the pulsating, blue energy blade sticking out from between her breasts. Vulcan, ready to take advantage, took his pistol and reached his arm out, positioning the barrel under her chin. With a quick charge, he let out a surprisingly strong burst of plasma that seared into her chin, exiting through the cranium. All the floating crystals simultaneously dropped out of the air with a resounding crash. Her body going limp, she fell over onto Vulcan's chest. From behind her, where she had once been within his view, he could see the figure of Drillman, Lightsaber drawn. With a chuckle, Vulcan sat up, smiling.

"You jerk... I was just about to get laid."


Megaman hardly had any time to react to the burning chunk of metal Gravityman chucked at him. However, instead of being burying him, the wreckage flew less than an inch over his head, scraping the tip of his helmet. Megaman watched in disbelief as the debris sailed behind him, and bowled over a cadre of Neo Officers rushing down the slope.

“Mind your own business,” Gravityman stated curtly, waving his finger at the crushed soldiers. Seizing the opportunity, Megaman grimaced in pain as he tried to wrench his hand free, but it just wouldn’t give.

“And you, you didn’t think you were getting off that light, did you? Oh no, you and I have to make up for lost time! This has been on my mind for months, and it’ll be on yours for even longer once Elysium rises!” Gravityman teased as more fiery debris floated down in front of him.

Giving up on freeing his hand, Mega Man instead switched his Mega Buster out for another weapon. Just as Gravityman slashed at him with a tail rotor, a red wire with a three-fingered claw shot out of Mega Man’s arm canon and lodged itself into a nearby rocky bunker wall. With a mighty heave, Megaman reeled the wire in just as the propeller nicked his thigh, screaming in excruciating pain as he was yanked free of the shrapnel pinning his hand. Clutching his now-useless hand, Megaman charged his Mega Buster and stared his astonished foe down.

“I’m afraid you don’t appreciate the gravity of the situation…” Megaman taunted as he fired his Mega Buster at his surprised adversary. Those were the exact words Gravityman boasted to Megaman just before their first battle.

Hiding behind his bravado, the monster sneered as he repositioned some of the junk to block the comet-shaped plasma shot. But the blast tore through his burning cloud of debris surrounding Gravityman, and slammed into his skinned right bicep, ripping it from the shoulder. Gravityman watched in silent horror as he watched his right arm float in front of him. At the same time, his invisible sphere of force shrank by half, causing the wreckage floating in the outermost rim to unceremoniously fall to the ground. However, Gravityman’s shock quickly melted into unfathomable rage as he started snarling like a beast.

“THAT…was a cheap shot!!” Gravityman growled. With an enraged roar, Gravityman furiously roundhouse kicked all of the remaining debris directly at Megaman. In a panic, Megaman quickly dove into a blasted foxhole and avoided the worst of the brutal onslaught. After what was left of the SA choppers whizzed by overhead, Megaman watched and charged his Mega Buster as Gravityman lowered the gravity tenfold bounded high into the air.

“Guess he’s not having fun anymore,” Megaman commented as he climbed out of the hole. As he reached the surface, a crumpled, mangled copter crashed to the ground inches from his face. As he looked up, he could see Gravityman flinging more helicopters down towards the Earth as he howled with rage. All around him, SA fighter copters started dropping from the sky like rain. Thinking quickly, Megaman slid as a helicopter was about to plummet directly on top of him. Just as he rose to his feet, Megaman grunted in frustration and blasted another chopper about to fall on him. Dodging copters raining from the sky wasn’t accomplishing anything. He was bound to slip up sooner or later, and one slip was all it’d take. And with their numbers, and the fate of their Elysium in the balance the SA didn’t seem to care about Gravityman casually using their infantry as weapons.

As he tumbled past another copter, he caught something out of the corner of his eye. Gravityman’s arm, firmly embedded into the mountain wall just a fifteen feet away.

With deep breath, Megaman fired a barrage of plasma bullets at Gravityman’s remaining arm as he reached out to drop another helicopter. Gravityman simply moved his arm to one side as the bullets sailed harmlessly past him. But thankfully, it gave Megaman the diversion he needed to sprint to the arm and scoop it up. As he touched the arm, Megaman could see the schematics and specifications of Gravityman’s re-vamped Gravity Hold being burned into his skull. Split-seconds later, the power that allowed Gravityman to manipulate gravity came to Megaman as naturally as breathing.

Closing his eyes, Megaman raised his arms reached out to one of the plummeting helicopters. He felt as though he was controlling a massive hand closing around the chopper as it came to a dead stop just above Megaman’s hand. Smiling, Megaman flicked the chopper directly back at Gravityman. The chopper grazed by a surprised Gravityman, smashing more bits and pieces off his damaged shoulder.

“My, my my. This is something new…” Gravityman noted, sounding impressed as he descended directly in front of Megaman.

“But seriously…Let’s get this fight started!”


>Convinced that a couple thousand bulletstoppers, Brickback Mountain, and G-Pounder had the invaders outside under wraps, Napamman had rolled back into the Surveillance Room to see how the rest of his crew were faring. Sure enough, his damn Shit Piles knew just how to screw the pooch at the worst possible moment. Napalmman watched in disgust as those pinko worms in the hydroelectric plant fry that cycloptic pile of shit. That damn thing was supposed to be the next big step in the line of devils, and those bastards fried it without breaking a sweat. Then Cher got herself killed during some overblown S&M session that went hopelessly awry when Emo Kid popped out of nowhere and stabbed her in the rack. Damnit. why couldn’t that stupid kinky broad just shove one of her crystals down Vulcan’s throat and call it a day?!

And the best part was, those Comrade cocksuckers took down the power plant, all by their lonesome. If it weren't for their auxillary power reserves, their unfueled missiles would be just bigass, highly infectious doorstops.

Still, there was one last ace up Napalmman’s sleeve. Basically, it was just some half-assed sack of shit Cutman threw together using trash leftover from some of the SA’s past missions. But in his “infinite genius” he hadn’t gotten around to finishing it yet; the damn freak hadn’t even been tested yet. Hell, Napalmman wasn’t sure if it was any brighter than Chargetard, or if it’d even switch on. Still, it was either this or letting those goddamn Bolsheviks run around the power station, unchecked.

“Alright ladies, looks like the commies wanna play rough. Break out the Frankenmulti!” Napalmman barked.

“Yes sir,” an engineer Joe responded as he typed in some random commands. Elsewhere in Elysium, a heavy steel door opened, and out stumbled out a banged-up, braindead Multiman. For the most part, it looked just like the self-replicating one-man army on the WRF. But the body looked like it was hit by a bus…several times. One of his arms was riddled with bullet holes, another looked like it was badly burned. Its cage/chest thing was all chewed and mangled to shit, the cage couldn’t quite close all the way. And the right side of its head was pretty well pounded in, its right eye dangling by an orange, frayed cord.

As the sorry bag of bolts staggered forward, it suddenly stopped and arched back as its chest anus opened wide. The maggot then lurched forward and bent over as another Multiman plopped onto the ground. It wasn’t as banged up as its big brother, but it still had patches of exposed skeleton here and there. But that didn’t stop the newly-hatched freak from lurching forward with its mother…or whatever.

“Un-fucking-believable. The damn thing works…” Napalmman mused. “Guess that sack of crap might be good for something after all. Still, keep a squad of Joes on standby in case this pukestain craps out on us. And keep your eyes on those two shitheads,” Napalmman ordered, pointing at Drillman and Vuclan. As the Frankenmultis lurched forth, Napalmman rolled towards the missile silos. Along than the power station, it was one of the high-risk areas that those rebel fuckers might go after, since it was where the control for the birds were. It was only guarded by a detachment of Joes, and watching those assholes fight was like a bunch of retards humping a nerf gun.

On the bright side, said retards only had to hold the line for another half hour before their birds ushered a new age in. Try as they may, Napalmman knew even the Shit Piles, bulletstoppers and the rest of his dipshits couldn’t blow it.


“How’s it look?”

“All clear!”

After the harrowing battle against the Steel Devil guarding the dock, Dive, Pharaoh, and Bright trudged through the catacomb leading into the fortress itself. After a quick look around to make sure the coast was clear, the trio slipped down the hallway.

“Do we even know where we’re going?” BB inquired.

“Our biggest priority now is to find the control room and blow the place to kingdom come.” Jade replied. “Hopefully that’s where Drill ran off to.”

“We know that already, Mum-rah.” Diveman huffed. “But where in the blazes of hell IS this control room of yours??”

“How should I know? The Scissor Army wasn’t kind enough to leave us a map.”


The shrills of the alarm filled the air as their presence was suddenly announced. From around the corner, a dozen or so Joes of all types barreled around the corner.

"There, should we ask one of them for directions, Geoff?" Pharaoh commented sarcastically.

The Joes were greeted by the intense light from Jet's Flash Stopper. The Comrades took advantage of the distraction and hurried down the nearest corner. Time was of the essence, and they had no time to waste fighting cannon fodder. The hallway widened out into a large room, with numerous steel shutters lining either end.

"What do you suppose is behind those?" Bright wondered out loud.

"Only one way to find out." Dive smirked as he opened the door with his own special key; a Dive Missile.

The Comrades peeked into the door and their eyes widened as the screeching Franken-Multi lunged at them. The trio gawked wide-eyed at Multiman, or rather, what used to be A Multiman. The General apparently captured one and did his own bit of work on it to turn it into one of his own fighting machines, seemingly an unfinished project. This Multiman was a somewhat chilling sight to behold, only barely recognizable with most of his body twisted and mutilated. The mindless monster let out a roar as it advanced on them, not getting far before being blown to pieces by their cumulative attacks.

"Looks like this is the wrong room." BB observed.

"Brilliant deduction, Sherlock." Diveman rolled his eyes. "Lessee what's behind door #2."

Suddenly, the other shutters swung open on their own. More bastardized Multimen shambled out, a crazed look in their eyes as they menacingly approached the Comrades.

"... What the...?" Geoff scowled.

"Okay, I guess we're in the wrong part of the fortress." Now Jade was stating the obvious. "I guess we should go back and..."

They turned back to the hallway to find the platoon of Scissor Joes from before standing in their way.

"Dammit... Where's Geminiman when you need him?" Jade cursed. "We need to figure out how to..."

Too late. The Franken-Multis made their move and the three struggled to find them off. One of them grabbed Jet, but pulled back after being shocked by her plugs, then gunned down by her blaster. Dive pummeled one of the abominations as he turned to impale another with his harpoon gun. Spear still protruding from its torso, the monster continued its advance, this time met by a Dive Missile. Pharaoh fried one with a Pharaoh Shot, and decapitated another with his sword. The loss of a head didn't seem to matter to the creature, as it gave a shudder before spewing forth another deformed version of itself.

"How do we stop these things??" Bright cried out. As she did so, one Multi took her by surprise with a powerful punch to the abdomen, sending her to the floor.

"Jet?!" Just as Pharaoh turned his attention away, he got bashed on the head by another Multi, who then picked him up and slammed him into the wall. It's triumph was short lived as its hand and arm were melted off by the ensuing Pharaoh Wave, followed by the rest of it. Another Multi nearby met its end after being sliced-up by Jade's burning sword.

Bright had sprung back to her feet, not letting one punch be the end of her either. Her cables drained one Multi of its energy, then used to stab another, causing it to overload and explode. She was hesitant to just use her Flash Stopper on these monstrosities. Not only was she unsure it would even work on the zombie-like machinations, but Dive and Pharaoh were in a position where they could be affected also if they weren't ready for it.

Geoff, meanwhile, was going all out, blowing every Multi that came within range to pieces with a barrage of missiles and mines.

But it seems that for every Multiman they destroyed, two more seemed to take its place. This creature was an endless one-man army, and the Comrades, while fighting gallantly, have taken a good deal of damage themselves and were seeing themselves on the losing end of this battle.

"This is ridiculous... there's no way to stop these things at this rate..." Jet gasped.

"I guess you have to destroy every last one... But with the way these guys multiply... I don't see how it's possible." Jade panted.

"C'mon you two... don't wuss out on me now...!" Geoff spit back. "How're we gonna face Bossman if we let this Wily reject get th' best of us...?"

"The truth of the matter is... We can't afford to fight these things all day..." Pharaoh replied. "We have to find Drill and get to the control room."

Dive tipped his head in agreement as he turned back to the Joes guarding the way back out, then to BB. "Well then, Light Bright, what're ya waitin' for, a written invitation?"

Jet nodded and filled the room with the strongest Flash Stopper she could muster, sending the endless Multimen into spasms trying to regain their vision. The three turned and blasted though or simply weaved past the also-stunned Joes, back out into the hallway from which they came.

Looking back, Jade and Geoff fired into the crowd of blinded and confused Multimen. Struck by a harpoon and a Pharaoh Beam, respectively, two of the muddled beasts flailed themselves about uncontrollably. Unable to see, and their programming already becoming unstable from the sheer number of times it's copied itself, the room turned into a gruesome slaughterhouse as the enraged Franken-Multis turned on each other, beating each other to a pulp and ripping each other to pieces. Any hapless Joes that were also in the path of a Multi's rampage were also decimated.

"Well, that oughtta take care o' Cyber-Kenny." Dive guffawed.

"Let's hurry then." Pharaohman chimed in. "Something tells me we don't have much time left."


>BB could feel the anxiety building in the pit of her stomach as she ran through the dimly-lit halls of Elysium with Geoff and Jade. No matter where they ran, they found a whole bunch more Frankenmultis and SA Joes waiting for them. The ones behind them were still hot on their tails, and lurched forth in their single-minded pursuit. Amazingly, they were holding up, but all the damage was starting to add up, and they had no idea where the control room was. Why, no one even knew where Drillman disappeared to. She lost count how many times she tried calling him on the com, only to hear a staticy hiss. Wherever he was, BB hoped that he was okay…

“C’mon! It’s got to be around here somewhere!” Pharaoh insisted as a Frankenmulti lurched forth and uppercutted him in the jaw, knocking him prone. Diveman just rolled his eyes as he peppered some more Multimen with his gattling gun.

“This plan sucks,” Dive groused as he mowed down a rank of Frankenmultis coming from the rear. Jade shot him a pointed look.

“How do you figure?” Jade asked as melted the Frankenmulti that slugged him with a Pharaoh Beam.

“Well, let’s see here…Oh, I know! ‘Thank ya fer pressin’ tha Self-Destruct button! This base self-destruct in ten minutes!’ Is that how ya think it’s gonna work?!” Dive was right. There was no way the SA would be stupid enough to have some magic “self-destruct button”, or some faulty mechanism that’d destroy the base if it were overloaded.

“Well obviously not. But maybe we can find the controls for their auxiliary power and leave them completely in the dark,” Jade reasoned. BB perked up hopefully. They couldn’t find any controls for the auxiliary power at the hydroelectric plant. If they were anywhere, they’d be in the control room.

“That’s…Better…” Geoff conceded as he chucked a dive mine towards some incoming SA Joes. Wasting no time, the three comrades quickly sprinted down the murky hallway as the dust and bits and pieces of SA Joes settled…only to find dozens more Frankenmultis waiting for them a couple feet away. Groaning softly, the front row of Frankenmultis rushed forward, their arms outstretched and slammed all three of them to the ground. BB screamed in pain as her armor buckled and crumpled as the Multimen brutally wailed into her.

Trying to ignore the pain, BB channeled as much energy she could into her flash stopper. For several seconds, the whole hallway was filled with a bright searing light. As the light faded, the Frankenmultis groaned softly as they covered their eyes, and fumbled through the air, trying to get their vision back. Diveman snickered as he easily shoved the disoriented Multimen off of him while Pharaohman simply hacked through his struggling Multimen with his sword. As BB gingerly lifted the stunned Frankenmultis off of her, felt a sharp, yanking pain as Diveman forcefully grabbed her by her pigtails and heaved her off the ground.

“Up ‘n at ‘em!” Dive cackled as BB rubbed the back of her head in pain. She hated it when he did stuff like that to her on purpose!

“Hey Dive, how good’s your throwing arm?” Jade asked, nodding towards a Frankenmulti in the middle of the legion with an open chest cage.

“Heheheh, I like yer style, Mum-ra!” Geoff chuckled as he hefted Jade over his shoulder and flung him right into the cage. BB watched in horror as the cage slammed shut with Jade inside.

“Jade!!” BB screamed as the Multiman imprisoning Jade groggily rose to its feet. Dive simply smiled his mean, blade smile as the Frankenmultis got up, one by one. How could Diveman be so uncaring while one of his friends was in trouble?!

Suddenly, a wave of white-hot fire burst out of the Multiman’s chest in every direction. All of the surrounding Multimen softly groaned in pain as fiery, super-heated hydrogen melted their armor into charred, useless slag. As the flames instantly died out, each of the incinerated Multimen collapsed in a smoking heap on the floor. Jade tumbled out of a scorched Multiman’s chest, his armor smoking and his red cape badly singed.

“Ugh…I don’t want to do THAT again…” Jade coughed as he pulled himself up.

“Guess yer good fer somethin’. Now let’s bug outta here! There’s more where dat came from!” Dive warned as he helped Jade up. As Dive hoisted Pharaoh on his shoulder, the comrades quickly resumed their mad dash through Elysium as the hooked a right at a T-junction.

When they rounded the corner, they stumbled into three more Multimen. Only these Multimen looked different from the ones they’ve been chased by for the past few minutes. These copies actually looked whole and complete, and weren’t missing any patches of metallic skin. Several battered and beaten SA Joes lay at their feet. All three of them had perplexed looks on their faces, like they had no idea what was going on.

Diveman however, was unimpressed by the three bewildered robots in front of them, and smiled ruthlessly as he revealed his gattling gun mounted on his chest. Just as he was about to mow them down, BB and Jade frantically tackled Dive from behind.

“Stop it, Geoff! They don’t want to hurt us!” BB protested. Diveman scowled at her as he put his massive hand around her face and forcefully shoved her off of him. Meanwhile, the Multimen, were all hunched over and holding their hands up, their eyes wide with fright.

“Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!! Easy there! We’re not looking for a fight! …Not yet, anyway,” one of the Multimen pleaded. Muttering a few curses under his breath, Diveman grudgingly concealed his gattling gun and got up.

“Fine whaddaya want?!” Diveman asked with strained patience. Obviously still spooked, the center Multiman stepped forward, his hands still raised.

“Well, for starters: where the hell am I?! And what’s going on here?”


Vulcan held the grip of Bolt Action tightly as Drillman tunneled through Elysium. He already filled Drillman in on what Crys told him about the missiles that were about to be launched. He seemed pretty concerned about the news, but there was something…off about how he was taking it. Mostly, he just kept asking who was going to feed him as he drilled through Kuri’s Love Dungeon.

Come to think of it, something seemed…off about Drillman, just as he made his miraculous return. He seemed to talk to himself…or themselves, as he’d put it. And he seemed a lot more morbidly chipper at the darkest of times. It was even weirding some of the Comrades out. Vulcan honestly didn’t know whether he should be stumped or creeped out. Or both.

Still, Vulcan had bigger things on his plate as he and Drillman reached the end of the tunnel. As Drillman transformed back into his robot form, Vulcan cautiously crawled out of the hole, keeping a sharp out for any Joe welcoming parties. To his surprise, the room was eerily empty and still. Around the corner of the room were series of black screens of maps with blue, orange, green, purple, red and white dots. At the center of the room was a giant console with a map, covered with miniatures of various SA officers positioned at various locations on the map.

“The War Room…” Vulcan realized, to which Drill nodded.

“According to Lennon, the missile silos should be on the other side,” he noted, sounding normal for a change. Vulcan hoped like hell the pretty boy wasn’t jacking around with them, but so far, his intel was on the mark. Swallowing hard, Vulcan and Drill trudged towards the door.

Just as they were ten feet away from the door, it blew open, spewing fire in every direction. Vulcan and Drill quickly ducked under the console, avoiding the worst of the fiery blast. As they rose, they could see an unmistakable, massive heavily-armed silhouette rolls towards them, steam pouring out of its faceport.

“Welcome home, ladies!” Napalmman bitterly greeted as he cocked his weapons. As he rolled aside, Vulcan could get a clear look at the missile bay through the blasted doorway. Unfortunately, he could see that the entire floor of the missile bay was engulfed in flames. There was no way they could drill or bound into the room without dying a fiery death. Napalmman must’ve seen this plan coming a mile away.

“So much for that plan…” Vulcan commented disappointedly.

“Yeah, nice try, cockbag. I heard Gypsy Bitch spill the beans on the warheads,” Napalmman sneered. “But hey, you’re not gonna yammer on with another boring, irrelevant sermon, are ya?!” Napalmman sneered, pointing one of his hand cannons at Vulcan. Vulcan simply smiled as he lifted his goggles.

“You know the score just as well as I do,” Vulcan shot back confidently. Drillman simply chuckled as he held up Crystalgirl’s corpse, like he just won it at a carnival.

“Don’t be such a sore sport, Napalm old pal! Would Cutman like it if you destroyed the room he uses to draw up big, brainy plans for you follow, like a good dog?” Drillman reasoned, in a creepy, sing-songy way.

“In a few minutes, we’re not going to need Cutman or his big brainy plans for shit. And if he’s got a hard-on for this room, then he can take it out of my allowance, shit-for-brains! Now dance for me!” Napalmman roared as he fired off a round of Napalm Bombs, setting the room ablaze.

Vulcan and Drill quickly ducked past the first barrage of Napalm Bombs and as he switched to his bow-configuration of bolt action. As he rose to his feet, Vulcan countered with a Star Arrow, nailing the Black Death in the chest. The golden arrow of plasma pierced right through Napalmman’s right flank, leaving a smoking hole. However, Napalmman just simply growled even more loudly and angrily as he retaliated with another salvo of Napalmbombs, obliterating the war game console.

Vulcan took cover behind one of the consoles at the corner of the room as he quickly generated another dose of golden plasma from his fingertips and quickly reloaded his bow. As he tumbled past another fiery barrage, Vulcan shot another star arrow just as he ducked behind another console. Unfortunately, the shot wide a little too wide, and Napalmman simply ducked as the arrow (relatively) harmlessly bored through Napalmman’s massive howitzer barrel.

As Vulcan reloaded his arrow, he noticed Drillman was nowhere to be found in the raging inferno.

“Where the hell…?” Vulcan asked quietly. As he turned to duck out of the console, he could see another hole tunneled through the wall in front of him, this one sloped upwards. He wasn’t…chickening out, was he??

“Where do you think you’re going?!” Vulcan called out as he took his next shot.

“Getting some fresh air! I thought you and Napalm would want some too! Hint, hint!” Drill cheerily replied as he tunneled away. At first, Vulcan wanted to slug him for screwing around, but then he realized what he was getting at. This room was a deathtrap. They couldn’t keep dodging Napalmman forever. Not at the rate he was razing the room.

“Thanks for covering me! Now c’mon!” Drill shouted, in his normal tone. Vulcan nodded as used his handy anti-gravity devices to bound over the hungry, napalm-fueled flames and scurried through Drill’s tunnel.

“Good thinking,” Vulcan thanked as he climbed out of the hole, narrowly dodging a napalm bomb racing behind him. Both he and Drillman couldn’t help but chuckle as Napalmman rattled off a myriad of curses and fired a fruitless barrage of napalm bombs through a hole he couldn’t fit through.

“Fan-fucking-tastic. I can reach you from the missile bay just fine, so don’t you bellycrawlers think you’re off the hook,” Napalmman warned as he rolled back towards the missile silos. Vulcan sighed heavily as he reloaded his crossbow, wishing like hell he had a smoke…that he didn’t already owe Diveman. Drillman simply shot his ally a weary look.

“So…any ideas…?”


>Multiman listened intently as the three cossackers filled him in on some Frankenstein version of himself that General Cutman designed. He had no earthly idea how he wound up in Elysium, and judging from the looks on the cossackers’ faces, they were just as surprised as he was.

“…You mean to tell me that General Cutman took bits and pieces of some of my beat-up clones and tried to jury-rig some sort of half-assed…me?” Multiman asked in disbelief.

“Apparently,” the jacket-clad Diveman answered, shrugging as he lit up a cigarette.

“…But it looks Cutman didn’t get a chance to perfect its reproduction mechanism. All these things seem to produce is half-finished versions of themselves,” Jade explained, raising finger. “Except…”

“Except every now ‘n then, they get one of you right,” Diveman finished. Multiman growled and raised his hands in frustration. Sure, things have gone from bad to worse ever since Wily surrendered to that punk. But this went hell and gone beyond the everyday crap he had to put up with since the surrender.

“…Alright. You guys go on ahead. I can take this from here. Nobody makes me their science fair project and gets away with it,” Multiman growled, assuming a fighting stance. Diveman turned around, half-ready to leave, but Pharaohman grabbed him by the shoulder.

“Wait, how do we know your copying trick still works?” Brightbabe asked, concerned. Pharaohman nodded.

“Yeah, just because you all look and act like real Multimen doesn’t mean you work exactly like a real one,” Pharaohman concurred.

“God, have a little faith in me,” Multiman shot back scornfully. He may have been born five seconds ago, but he’s done this millions of times. Cracking their knuckles, the Multimen turned on the works, and seconds later, brand new Multimen popped out of their chests. Only they were missing half their faces and/or all of the ribs on their right sides were showing clear as day. Multiman looked on, embarrassed as the zombie-like clones silently lurched forward down the hallway the Cossackers came from. Pharaohman’s and Brightbabe’s shoulders sagged, disappointed by the results. Diveman however, was arched over, holding his knee and laughing hysterically.

“Baby, I swear! This has never happened to me before! Honest!” Diveman heckled, as he laughed a dry, coarse laugh.

“Shut up. It was just a fluke,” Multiman shot back defensively. Or at least that’s what he hoped. Closing ther eyes, the Multimen concentrated as hard as they could as clone after clone emerged from their chests. Unfortunately, none of them were any better than their big brothers. One of them even had to be put down when they turned on the cossackers.

“It’s no good. I can barely keep one of them in line, let alone a whole pack of them. It’s like trying to herd rats,“ Multiman lamented. Instead of laughing his ass off, Diveman looked thoughtful for a second, and snapped his fingers like he had some revelation.

“Hey Olsen Twins. Can ya make these lummoxes just walk in a straight line?” Dive asked hopefully. Multiman shrugged.

“Yeah, but not much else. Why?” Diveman smiled a thin, ruthless smile as he took a drink from a flask in his jacket.

“Alright. Both o’ ya go on ahead. Me ‘n Multiman can hold down tha fort,” Diveman instructed. Multiman and the rest of the Cossackers looked at him wide-eyed.

“Dive!? Are you out of your mind? They’ll swarm you!” Brightbabe warned. Diveman simply waved his hand dismissively.

“C’mon! Better freaks than those losers have tried! Ya know that!” Dive rebuked. Multiman shook his head. Truthfully, Multiman was having a hell of hard time swallowing this too.

“Come on, Jade. I know that look. I’m sure Geoff’s got something up his sleeve,” Brightbabe chimed in optimistically. Pharaohman looked on at Dive with uncertainty. Was he actually listening to this bozo?

“I hope you know what you’re doing,” Pharaohman conceded just before he and Brightbabe ran further down the hallway. Was Multiman the only one here with a brain?!

“Hang on! Don’ go yet!” Diveman called out. “Let ol’ Round Boy here take some o’ tha work off yer shoulders!” Multiman rolled his eyes at Diveman. There wasn’t any talking him out of this hare-brained plan of his…whatever it was.

“Whatever. I’m not the one who’s gonna die here,” Multiman commented. “So what’s your brilliant plan? Just send my braindead copies down the hell and let them beat up whoever comes their way?” Diveman simply shook his head and smiled wider.

“Shaddap. This here’s our gameplan…”

The Scissor Joes poured from every corner of the fortress on their mission to neutralize the threat by the intruders. Even more Franken-Multis appeared to join them as well. Rounding the final corner, they stopped in slight confusion at the sight before them. Another several twisted Multimen stood before them.

Without a word, one of the Frankens walked toward the army. The Joes raised their weapons in anticipation; was this another that had gone berserk? Before they could consider this matter any further, the beastly mechanoid lunged forward, blowing itself, and any Joes and Frankens nearby to pieces.

Farther up the hall, Dive laughed as he continued to stuff the Frankens’ cages full of Dive Mines. The remaining Scissor Army, recovering from the unexpected kamikaze attack, continued its advance. One by one, each Franken-Multi stepped forward, under the direction of their more complete brother. Another self-destructed, and another, each taking out more Scissor Joes and SA Frankens as they went.

“Okie-doke. It’s time we caught up with those other two.” Dive and his Multiman cohort turned to follow the others who went ahead.

Pharaoh, Bright, and their Multiman continued down the hall. Rounding a corner in front of them popped a Crystal Joe, launching a volley of gems. Pharaoh blocked them with his shield and blasted their attacker with a Pharaoh Shot, bowling it over. The sound of shattering glass when he hits the ground then brought another wave of SA Joes running.

“Damn, they just don’t end…” Jade muttered.

“Well then, it’s time for me to do my thing.” Multi spoke up.

“Are you positive about this…?” Jets questioned.

“Yeah. If this’ll save Master Wily, I’m ready to do my part. You just be damn sure you do yours!”

With that, Multiman stormed the SA legion, engulfing them and himself in a massive blast.

“Oh dear…” Brightbabe shook her head sadly. While it sure had its benefits, it didn’t seem right to her to use the Multimen as suicide bombers.

“Don’t worry. I doubt that’s the end of Multiman; there’s sure to be more of him elsewhere.” Jade reassured her.

Just a few more turns down the hall, and they finally found what they were looking for. The hall narrowed into a single steel-frame door, labeled “control room”.

“Hey!!” Dive’s voice called behind them. He and the other Multiman caught up, followed by still more SA Joes.

“Hurry into the control room!” Geoff barked. “I got one last order of business.” With a turn, he pinned Multiman to the wall with his harpoon.

“H… hey! What’s this about?!”

“It’s about you savin’ our asses. I’m sure ya’ understand.” Dive explained as he jammed a few more Dive Mines into his grate.

“Tactful as always…” Jade remarked snidely as they hurried towards the door.

“I didn’t hear you with any ideas, Tut.” Geoff snapped back. As the mines went off, the resulting explosion caved in the wall behind them, sealing the Joes behind a wall of rubble.

“Anyhoo, it looks like ya guys got things under wraps, so I'll jus' go on ahead 'n put a cap in Napalm's ass,"


Progress again. Tempest withdrew his blade from another control orb, causing it to spark and go up in smoke. Stoneman cried in what seemed to be a fit of pain, Again trying his best to get up again. Together, the team had destroyed another three or four control orbs, and with each one, Stoneman had lost more of his colossal form. He now resembled a mere shell of himself, standing at less than half his original height and looking more like a floating sphere of rocks than a giant.

But what Stoneman had lost in power and size he had made up for in speed. It was getting much harder to strike him, and he was not falling down as easy. Not to mention the three officers were getting fatigued, especially Nox. He was coming close to blacking out, hanging on only by sheer force of will.

Stoneman sprung up once more, a mass of tightly compacted statue parts and broken earth. His outer layer floated outwards and began rotating at a rapid pace. A twisted version of his Power Stone technique, Nox guessed.

Stones everywhere. Too much thinking, not enough moving! Nox was struck by one of the large pieces of rock, sending him backwards a good ten feet. He landed on the ground, crumpled like a ragdoll. His body wasn't responding, broken bones...and the dust, the thick heavy air--

Nox passed out from the strain on his body. His rampant thoughts ceased, and all was peace.


>Tempest was too late to catch his master as he was thrown to the ground. This would not stand; harming him was one thing but hurting the one who had given him life, had considered him an equal and not just some summon, the one who had been his friend more than a master...this was a serious offense to Tempest.

"Dustman, fall back for a moment! Nox is down!" he shouted to Sean, picking Nox up in his arms and trying his best to get him away from Stoneman's assault.

"Hey don't leave me man!" Sean was trying his best to suck up the smaller rocks from Stoneman's body and flinging them back, but he was reaching the limits of his suction power. It would not be long before his power was fried, leaving him a sitting duck...

He caught a glimpse of another control orb, driven to the srface of Stoneman's body in the midst of his chaotic movements. Sean managed to get off a few more clean shots at it, causing it to drop from his body. Dustman sprinted as quickly as he could to the orb to catch it.

It was not going to be that simple however. As Dustman jumped the final few feet to the orb, Stoneman reacted, turning the stones of his body to rain down upon the smaller robot. Sean hung on for dear life, taking numerous hits from the downpour. Unfortunately for Stoneman, he was not very precise with his shots, and the control orb he had sought to save was now a smoking piece of metal.

More rock fell from him. Stoneman had been reduced to a ball of rock from his towering golem form. Dustman knew the battle was almost over, but was finding it hard to move. The rocks had skewered parts of his body, but nothing vital was damaged. The systems controlling his vacuum had been damaged to some extent, but he still had some suction. No more rock bullets though.

While Stoneman reformed yet again, Tempest had returned, a fire burning in his eyes, a quickness to his breath.

"Are you alright?" Tempest asked. "Beyond any obvious stones sticking out of you of course."

"Yeah, thanks," Sean replied. Tempest set to work removing shards of rock from his body after getting him out from under Stoneman.

"So, is Nox okay?"

"Yes, I have put him in a place away from the battle. So I see you got another orb out of him--good, good. Dustman, leave the rest to me. He is small enough that I can take him on."

On that note, Tempest drew his blade, dashing to the Scissor Army officer.

"Hey! Don't be stupid! I can still fight, just..." Dustman was able to weakly get to his feet as he limped towards Tempest. He stopped suddenly, staring in disbelief. Tempest had jumped onto the sphere of rock and was climbing on it, stabbing in all places with his sword in an attempt to hit the last orbs.

"Dustman!" Tempest called to him, hanging on for dear life, "If you see the spheres, tell me!"

"You're psychotic! And call me Sean please!"

Stoneman was not takign kindly to this man on his "back", flailing around like a bull trying to buck a cowboy. But Tempest held on for dear life, driven to protect, Oxyde. Why he insisted on that name was beyond--

Lost in thought for a split second, he almost lost his grip...more action, less thought! While circling around, he saw Sean motion to a particular spot on Stoneman's body. The orb! Getting dizzier with each turn of Stoneman's body, Tempest brought his sword down in one quick motion, striking another of the beast's hearts. This time though, the violent motions proved too much as he was flung into the air.

One more shot, Tempest thought to himself. His next attack would be the last one. A technique taught to him by Oxyde. Quickly sheathing his sword, he withdrew the shorter, dagger-like blade next to it. In a few seconds, the blade radiated with a silvery light, as if lit by the moon. Then, Tempest dove down to Stoneman, blade raised, and cut into the rock with a powerful force. As he reached the ground, he cut through a second time. He dove down once more, splitting the sphere in two.

Stoneman shook violently around, and after a few moments, the stone making up his body began to peel off, layer by layer like an onion. His collapse shook the ground beneath Tempest and Sean's feet, making them hold on to anything they could. Finally, one last control orb fell to the top of the heap of rock, nearly useless. Sean took the opportunity to smash it with his good hand, wiping out any trace of the golem.

"Um, Tempest?" Sean said, turning back to the guardian, "What was that?"

"The Falling Moon," he responded calmly. "An offensive technique from the Eastern schools of magic, used primarily with bladed weapons.

"Wait wait wait! Magic? Are you serious? You and Nox are magicians all of a sudden? That's hard to believe, and I'm a human in a robot's body!"

"Mister...Sean...I have seen aliens, androids, demons, time travelers, spirits and superheroes while in Monsteropolis. Surely you must consider the possibility that magicians exist too."

Sean shrugged his soldiers. He'd try to make sense of it later. "Hey, shouldn't we go and get Nox? He's unconscious and by himself."

Tempest nodded, and signaled for Sean to get on his back. "You won't be able to move too quickly in your position, so I will do the running.

Sean limped over to Tempest, and the two set off to find Nox, unaware of the crisis brewing inside the mountain.


“What do you mean you’re going on ahead?” BB asked, in disbelief, just outside the control room. Dive simply rolled his eyes as he lit a cigarette.

“Jus’ that. I owe ol’ GI Joe one for Izhaevsk. C’mon, I’ve dealt with him before. I’ll be fine!” Dive boasted. Before either one of them could try to talk him out of it, Dive simply turned and just charged down the hall, his gattling gun blazing. Jade and BB

“Best of luck to you, Dive…” Pharaoh prayed just as he kicked open the door to the room. As the door flew open, BB unleashed a flash stopper to blind any Joes inside. After the light died down, BB and Jade quietly dashed inside, firing blasts of plasma and fiery beams of supercharged hydrogen at the downed Joes…

Only to find they weren’t downed at all. The Joes had covered their eyes as the Flash Stopper went off, rendering it completely ineffective. As their targets stepped into the room, the Joes unleashed a merciless barrage of machine gun fire. Caught off guard, BB and Jade took several machine gun rounds to the chest before they ducked out of the room.

“I’m sorry, Jade…” BB apologized, hanging her head in shame. Jade simply laughed and nudged her on the shoulder.

“Ah, it wasn’t your fault. They got clever on us, that’s all. I shouldn’t have let you get hurt like this,” Jade rasped, as his shoulder leaked oils and fluids. BB smiled as she put her hand on his wounded shoulder.

“Just sit tight, BB. I’ll be back in second, I promise,” Pharaoh assured. BB smiled weakly, uneasy with seeing another one of her friends leave her. Standing as straight as he could, Pharaoh charged back into the room and the SA Joes resumed fire without hesitation. However, Jade quickly drew his ornate shield, blocking and reflecting most of the shots. Braving the machine gun fire, Pharaohman trudged into the center of the room and unleashed a furious onslaught of fiery beams from the multiple eyes on his body, practically cremating, most if not all of the SA Joes inside.

“Quick! Shut off the auxiliary power!” Jade shouted as he cooked a few more Joes with a Pharaoh Wave. Clutching her shoulder, BB scrambled through the control chamber, shooting past SA Joes with her blaster. She silently thanked Dr. Cossack for thinking ahead and revamping it back in Mesmerland.

After shooting past her fifth SA Joe, BB reached one of the consoles and took a look at what was displayed at one of the monitors.

“Oh no…” BB gasped, her eyes wide with sheer terror. “The SA’s trying to launch a bunch of chemical missiles all over the globe…”

“Stop the launch!” Jade screamed as a Joe slammed the butt of his rifle into his back. BB simply shook her head.

“That’s the problem…They’ve already been launched…”


Napalmman rolled off of the emergency escape elevator in missile bay, his triggers itching and his pecker hard. He knew that those shit-faced bellycrawlers were lurking somewhere on the peak of the mountain; he could see their hole as he came up from the elevator. But at a quick glance, the mountaintop was just as empty as Chargetard’s skull.

Well, there’s an answer to that… Napalmman reasoned as he fired a steady stream of napalm bombs at every corner of the mountaintop. As the roar of his cannons died down, Napalmman listened for the satisfying sound of shitheads burning and screaming in shear agony, but came up dry.

Cursing to himself, Napalmman rolled over to the tunnel Drillman dug, only to find it empty.

Just as Napalmman turned around, Drillman burst out of the ground as some sort of bullshit tunnel borer and hurriedly transformed into his capeclad self. As Drillman fired off a salvo of drill bombs, Vulcan leapt straight out of the hole behind him, firing another shot from his crossbow. Napalmman simply countered the drill bombs with a few napalm bombs, but the star arrow pierced right through his right shoulder.

Screaming with rage, Napalmman trained each of his hand cannons at the two assholes before him and fired. Unfortunately, Starman simply bounded clear of the blasts like a fairy, and Drillman already dove back underground.

“Aw come on! Don’t quit on me now, you sorry sack of shit!” Napalmman jeered as he lobbed a napalm bomb behind the blaze Vulcan was hiding behind. For several seconds, nothing popped up, so Napalmman blasted a few more napalm bombs behind some more still-burning napalm infernos, but still didn’t hear any agonized screaming.

Suddenly, the ground beneath Napalmman buckled as Drillman burst out of it like an alien and sank his drills into his back. At the same time, Vulcan popped out from behind another napalm blaze and plunged his Engetsu right into his chest.

“Gyaaahhh!!” Napalmman screamed as the drills and plasma-powered blade sank deeper into his hide. That son of a bitch Starman must’ve crawled behind all those damn infernos to get the drop on his ass!

Infuriated that these sons of bitches had the balls to pull not one, but two Sephiroth stabs on his ass, Napalmman fired a barrage of napalm bombs out of his shoulders. But the damn little parasite already dove back into their little hole.

This shit ends now!! Napalmman fumed as he parked his ass right in the middle of one of his napalm blazes and fired Napalm Bombs every whichaway. If he couldn’t cook their asses, he could at least cook the ground they stood on.

However, Napalmman didn’t have to cool his heels for long as he heard rumbling coming from the ground near the elevator. Cackling softly, Napalmman aimed his hand cannon at the source of the rumbling.

Suddenly, Napalmman felt something land on his back and plunge something sharp and searing hot into his eyesocket.

“Peek-a-boo, Captain,” Vulcan teased as he violently twisted the blade deeper. Son of a bitch must have been hiding in one of the holes Drillman dug up! Seizing his golden opportunity, Napalmman nailed the sonuvabitch with a napalm bomb as he perched on him like a fucking parrot. Napalmman laughed heartily as he was rewarded with the sound of his old boss screaming as his synthetic flesh was consumed by a raging inferno. It was about time something went right around here.

Meanwhile, Drillman popped outta the ground and fired a pair of drill bombs at him. Napalmman simply sucked up the damage and furiously retaliated with a barrage of napalm bombs. Darth Vader tried to take cover in his hole, but Napalmman was faster on the draw this time, and both bombs crashed into his darkside ass, setting him ablaze.

“GyahahahaHAAHAHAHA!!” Napalmman laughed triumphantly. His hide was riddled with holes from where he was shot with plasma arrows, gashes from where he was stabbed and drilled, and an eye gouged out. But none of that horseshit was enough to keep Napalmman’s victorious spirit down as those two, smugass retards were swallowd by the fires of Elysium.

“This ain’t no fairy tale, shitkickers,” Napalmman bellowed, as he rolled towards an uncooked portion of the mountaintop, overlooking the battlefield bellow.

“Humanity ain’t some innocent victim. Elysium ain’t a nightmare. And you ain’t the do-right heroes that set it all right,” Napalmman explained as he watched his army fight for the greater glory of Elysium. Suddenly, Napalmman heard something happened that made his spirit soar. The triumphant, roar of missile thrusters freeing his birds from the nest of Elysium. They were away! After spending month after month of sucking Cutman off and watching a bunch of starry-eyed asswipes turn everything to shit, Napalmman’s world had come at long last.

“Don’t listen to me, listen to that,” Napalmman beamed as his birds soared high in the sky, belching smoke and fire as Elysium rose before their very eyes. Napalmman could’ve wept at the achingly beautiful sight.



>Megaman was at wit’s end. For what felt like years, he and Gravityman were going back and forth, flicking and catching rocks and debris at orbital velocities. To the average onlooker, it’d seem that neither of them were getting the upper hand. But Megaman knew better. Gravityman was simply toying with him. He knew that Megaman didn’t have the energy to keep doing this all day, this was taking a lot out of him. And once he was out of energy, he’d be at Gravityman’s all-too sadistic mercy. Megaman was determined to let this be enough, but it was getting harder and harder.

“C’mon! You’ve done this before! This should be easy!” Gravityman teased as he pushed Megaman back even further. By now, all of the monster’s face was peeled completely off revealing his leering, permanently-grinning skull-like visage. Despite the pain coursing through his system from using his new power non-stop, grabbed a hold of two of the choppers Gravityman flung at him. Reducing the gravitational field around him fivefold, Megaman ripped the fuel tanks out of the floating choppers and spilled their contents in the air. The putrid smell of gasoline permeated the air as the fuel rapidly pooled around Megaman’s invisible sphere of gravity.

With a tap of his finger, Megaman sent the layer of helicopter fuel hurtling onto Gravityman’s. As the gas wrapped itself around Gravityman’s sphere, a spark from a piece of helicopter wreckage instantly ignited the fuel, almost completely engulfing Gravityman’s gravitational field.

“Hahaha! Now that’s something new!” Gravityman laughed as the red-hot inferno danced around his 10 foot field, obscuring his vision with flames and thick, inky-black smoke. With a snap of his fingers, Gravityman dispelled his field, causing the heavy fiery wreckage floating in the air to plummet to the ground. The blaze surrounding Gravityman gently laid itself on the ground, almost like a carpet. Some of the fire draped itself over Gravityman’s armor, but he didn’t seem to care. If anything, the searing hot pain seemed to excite him.

Once his vision had cleared, Gravityman quickly raised his field again, only to find Megaman standing to his right, glowing with energy as he trained his Mega Buster on him. Gravityman’s smile quick twisted into a scowl as he desperately tried gathering up the wreckage all around him.

“You little-“ was all Gravityman could get out before a searing hot, charged blast of plasma rocketed through his skull, blowing the top of his head into thousands of pieces. Megaman victoriously shot his fists up in the air and cheered as Gravityman’s mangled, burning, headless corpse that slumped lifelessly to the ground along with tons of smoldering debris.

Megaman’s cheers were cut short as he watched a massive door on the side of the mountain slid open. The Blue Bomber watched in silent horror as the desperate SA played their trump card. Several dozen missiles blasted out of the mountainside, leaving behind a smoky, fiery plume as they tore into the sky. He couldn’t tell if they were nukes, or nerve gas, or something worse, but whatever they were, they spelled humanity’s doom.

“Rush! Come here boy!” Megaman called out. A second hadn’t even passed as a red beam of light teleported in, taking the shape of Megaman’s faithful compatriot and friend.

“C’mon Rush! We don’t have much time!” Rush barked in agreement as he quickly switched to Jet Mode. Without a second to spare, Megaman and Rush blasted off towards the heavens. Rush put every ounce of energy into his thrusters and punched through the skies as the missiles rose skyward.

“Get me closer, boy!” Megaman shouted as the missiles steadily grew larger in the horizon. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see sparks and smoke pouring out of seams on Rush’s engines as Rush pushed himself to the limit. His will and determination never ceased to amaze Megaman.

Several heart-pounding seconds later, Megaman was merely a few feet away from the missiles. Most of them had started to break formation, as they took aim at their targets.

“That’s good enough boy! Now, here goes!” Megaman called out, as he switched back to the Gravity Hold. He didn’t know if his systems had enough time to recover from that nightmarish onslaught with Gravityman, but that was the least of his problems. With a deep breath, Megaman reached out towards the missiles with all the energy he could spare, and then some. Megaman screamed in pain as he felt his internals grate and heat up as they reached the verge of overheating. He could smell smoke and feel sparks shooting out of his arms as he tried to grab a hold of the missiles. But he didn’t care if he had to fry his own power supply to make this work. If he couldn’t protect those who owed everything to, he didn’t know how he’d be able to live with himself.

Suddenly, he felt as though he grabbed a feather in mid-fall as several of the missiles stopped dead in their tracks in mid-flight…And then several more! Before long, all of the warheads floated lazily, high in the atmosphere, their engines powerless to carry them to their destination. Megaman wanted to scream with elation, but instead, he focused his concentration as he flew under the missiles one-by-one and gently poked them into the Earth’s orbit. Before long, all of Elysium’s warheads were harmlessly floating around outer reaches of Earth’s pull, far away from the people they intended to slaughter.

“We did it…” Megaman breathed, struggling to stay upright. Between the dash up Elysium, the battle with Gravity, and sending those missiles into space, Megaman felt like he’d die on his feet. Despite all of this, Megaman never felt more elated, more triumphant than he did before. Rush looked up at his old friend as he began his descent back to Earth, panting softly. Chasing after those missiles had done a number on his own energy reserves. Where would Megaman be without his faithful friend?

“…Couldn’t have done it without you…” Megaman thanked as he affectionately stroked the back of Rush’s head as they passed through a thick cloud.

Suddenly, a Megaman felt his spirits get crushed as a massive spaceship decked with countless batteries peeked out of the clouds beneath him.

The Marauder…It came too late to stop the warheads, but it could still take his friends out in a blaze of glory. Without hesitating, Megaman started charging his Mega Buster, preparing for the worse. But suddenly, he heard cheerful a voice on the com. Was that…Saturn…?

“Attention all RPD, Light and Cossack forces, this is the Marauder. Looks like you guys could use a helping hand. Just sit back, and let us spell you for a bit. You’ve all earned it,” Suddenly, each of the cannons opened fire in perfect synchronization, tearing up the mountainside with destructive cannon fire.

Megaman weakly smiled as lowered his Mega Buster. The Cosmic Gladiators and the Fatal Five came through…The SA would be no more. The wanton destruction, the needless slaughter…It was all over.

“Don’t worry Megaman, we saw those missiles on our way over. We’ll mop those up once we’re done here,” Saturn reassured.

“…Th-thanks…” Megaman coughed as Rush wearily carried him towards one of the airlocks. Even as the world went black, it seemed like everything was going to be okay after all.


Napalmman’s heart fell to the floor as he watched the spirit of Elysium get tossed out the window along with his birds. And to add insult to injury, Frenchie’s goddamn spaceship tore through his ranks like a knife through hot shit. He poured his heart, his soul into the dream of Elysium. A world that robots could throw off the shackles of humanity…It’d all gone to hell in a hand basket…

“…If I can’t have my happy ending, then you sure as shit won’t!” Napalmman hollered. Just as he was about to fire, he felt something shred up his insides, like some shithead set off a firecracker in his gut. Growling, he turned around… and came to face with Diveman’s smug, shit-eating grin as the maggot closed the dive mine compartment on his arm... and opened a shit load more compartments on his legs and shoulders.

“Kill now, fer Elysium awaits, bitch!” Dive sneered as a non-stop barrage of Dive Missiles poured out of his legs and shoulders like a fucking wave and snaked into the myriad of holes Starman and Drillman pierced through his hide. Cockblocked by him twice in one war. Napalmman’s systems screamed in agony as missile after missile tore through his guts. He almost wished Cutman didn’t do such a bang-up job making him so... human.

After the last of the missiles crashed into him, Napalmman dropped to the ground, his vision kept flickering in and out. Growling with seething anger, he had tried to blast the worm where he stood, but none of his cannons would fire. Not one of them. As he tried to pick himself up, he felt something land on his back. Again!

“This, 'Captain'…Is what I meant by evolution…!” Vulcan boasted as he yanked the meatsack’s dogtags, keeping balance. The last thing Napalmman felt was festering, undying hatred for all of these sons of bitches as Vulcan swiped Engetsu across his eyes. Flipping off Napalm's body, he launched a final Star Arrow into his chest. Losing his balance, with no sense of sight, Napalm fell backwards out the end of the hanger runway. Falling to the ground below, cursing it all to hell, he descended into the bloodshed of the frontlines.


>It wasn’t long before all of the SA forces stationed along the mountain’s rocky face were wiped completely out. Even though their missiles were chucked into orbit, their commanding officers dead or dying, and their base in shambles, the SA infantry held their ground as long as they could and fought to the last man standing. But without a commanding figure to organize their fighting, their single-minded tenacity proved to be no match for the Marauder’s massive firepower.

Once the fighting had down died down, the Marauder docked in the hanger. When Saturn stepped out of the ship, he saw Diveman standing tall, smiling his trademark bladed grin as he lit up a fat Cuban Cigar. Just behind, Dust, Nox, BB and Jade crawled out of a nearby hole, with a frantic look on their faces.

“What happened…?” Pharaoh asked, taken back by the aftermath of the Napalm battle. “…The missiles…Did they?” Saturn smiled at his old friends and laughed reassuringly.

“Don’t worry, Megaman got them just before he fried himself. He’s inside, licking his wounds from that. Once we drop you guys off, we’ll probably just toss them into a black hole or something,” Saturn explained as the Fatal Five exited the ship behind him. "Dear lord. What happened to them?" Saturn asked, pointing to a badly-burned Drillman and Vulcan.

“Napalmman, that’s what,” Diveman answered flatly. “Heh. Captain Asshat and his band of retards got it worse, believe it or not. They’re done. Does RPD want ‘em? If anyone deserves to be buttfucked by RPD, it’s those guys,” Dive said as he took a drink from flask.

“That’s one way of putting it, sure. Just tell us where they’re at,” Saturn answered. As if on cue, Quint popped out of the ship, holding his arms up.

“Hey, let me have the honors. I insist!” Quint chimed in. The Cossackers and RPD officers instinctively drew their weapons, but Saturn held up his hand.

“It’s cool. He’s with us now,” Saturn assured. The rebels quickly exchanged relieved sighs as they holstered their weapons. “Fine with me, Quint. But you better get them inside first,” Saturn suggested, pointing to Drilman’s badly burned body. Quint nodded as he and Ballade got to work hauling his body inside the ship.

“That’ll do pig, that’ll do,” Dive congratulated Vulcan, handing him a Cuban. “But ya better pay up, dickhead.”

"Whatever ya say you goat-fucking peice of shit," Vulcan muttered as he lit his cigar.

“Look, why don’t you guys come inside and settle down for a spell? We can handle the cleanup,” Saturn offered.

“Thanks, you guys are lifesavers,” Jade thanked, already wearily trudging towards the ship. In spite of their pain and exhaustion, each of the rebels had a look of serenity on their faces, a look peace, like wanderers who have finally come home as they boarded the ship. Honestly, Saturn felt the same exact way.

“I hope our friends at Desert Gulch stopped Cutman…” BB commented, sounding worried. Diveman rolled his eyes as he took a puff from his cigar.

“Bah, don’t be a retard, BB. Look ‘round ya! War’s over! It’s Miller Time!” Diveman proclaimed as he tossed BB another fat Cuban Cigar. Saturn smiled at Dive’s gruff logic. He could hardly believe it himself, but it really was over. It felt like he was fighting this war his whole life. He knew things couldn’t go back to the way they were, but he didn’t give a damn. No more fighting amongst friends. No more RPD imposing a Shutdown code upon the world. And no more SA brutally reshaping the Earth in their twisted image.

Sighing with relief, Saturn strolled onto the ship to see if Dive had another cigar he was willing to share.


As he dug himself out of that fucking crater he landed in, Napalmman growled in agony and frustration. Mostly out of frustration. His armor was riddled with holes from drill bombs and star arrows piercing his ass, his insides were still rattled from Diveman’s cock-blocking, and his dark, singed armor was still smoking from the supernova blast. It was a fucking miracle that he was still kicking, but it did shit to lift his spirits.

“How the fuck-?” Napalmman grunted as he looked around, trying to get a better idea who’d save his sorry ass at the bottom of a cliff. As his optics came into what little focus they could, Napalmman saw a cadre of what must have been SA Engineer Joes huddled all around him, welding and re-attaching busted parts.

“We escaped shortly after the Marauder attacked,” one of the Joes explained as he welded more shit inside of Napalmman. Napalmman chuckled softly. Guess he had an angel on his shoulder after all.

Still, the loss of Elysium stung him like a fucking a bee on steroids. Ever so briefly, he tasted the sweet kiss of Elysium, just long enough for it to keel over and die in his arms. Along with his home, his army, his Androids…His fucking Androids!

But Napalmman refused to let this shitstorm get the best of him and his mission. Elysium could rise again. It would rise again! As long as Captain Napalmman functioned, this shithole of a civilization’s days were numbered. He knew damn where he cocked up, not the least of which was letting Cutman lead him around by the nose. For a prick with 200+ IQ, that stuffy bony retard made his share of stupid mistakes that Napalmman never would’ve made if he were in his position. Mesmerman, putting up with Quint and his band of losers for so long, the cloak and dagger bullshit he played on his on fucking troops! No wonder Elysium went to shit.

Hell, he should’ve been in Cutman’s position! He had the brains, the firepower, and now the balls to do it! All he had to do was just walk up, blast Cutman into the Stone Age, and the SA’d be down on the ground licking his balls. Cutman did his work too well…

“Sir…? What are your orders…?” the Joe asked. As Napalmman struggled to regain this balance, he noticed that all of the Engineer Joes gawked at him, like he were a messiah or some shit. Ever since he got blasted off that fucking cliff, one phrase had been echoing through his head. And it was time that these ladies heard it too.

“Let the Scissor Army die. And Cutman with it,” Napalmman rumbled, as his weapons locked into place. At first, the Joes looked at him like he just crapped out his own head. But one by one, the whole lot of them were standing by his side, ready to do this right for a change.

Sorry “General”, but we do this my way, NOW! Napalmman sneered as he led the Joes away from the shattered dream of the SA. That cheesedick didn’t deserve Elysium any more. Not after all this. But each good army needs its own officers. And Napalmman knew exactly where to look…




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