Series 8 Issue #5 - The Council Comes to Earth

It's a sunny day in Monsteropolis. The city is bursting with excitement as the day begins and no place is more bursting than right outside RPD HQ where members of the Mechanical Maniacs, Cossack's Creations, World's Strongest, and Sterling Sentinels have all gathered to make the city an even safer place than ever before. Because today is the day...

Galaxyman: The Council is coming! The Council is coming! Oh me oh my! I can't wait!

Splash Woman: I don't know why. They seem positively insufferable to me.

Galaxyman: Why!? I'm Galaxyman, that's why!

Splash Woman: Uh ... so?

Galaxyman: So, they're the Galactic Council!

Splash Woman: Uh ... so?

Galaxyman: So, obviously this is a promotion! They've finally recognized me! Oh boy, oh boy!

Concreteman: Yeah, sure small guy. Just make sure your part is ready today. I mean ... you don't want to look bad, do you?

Galaxyman: No! Oh, no I don't!

Knightman: Make way, everyone! Keep the place secure for inspection!

(Crorq walks in followed by a stream of reporters.)

Crorq: As you can see everything's in tip-top shape for the Council's appearance today. Not even a Mettaur can get past our security!

Plantman: Eeeeeeeek! A Mettaur!? Where? Where!? Somebody kill it! They eat plants you know!


Crorq: Eh heh. Heh heh heh, that Plantman. Such a joker. (Grabs Knightman and whispers) Get him out of here!

Hardman: (Looks at the crowd with disdain) Lovely. This gaggle of idiots crawls out of its hole to give me a headache.

Spark Chan: That's hardly a constructive attitude, Hard.

Hardman: *mumble grumble*

Topman: I can't believe this. The Galactic Council is coming here of all places!? Isn't this place weirdness central?

Geminiman: Our illustrious overlord seems to have proven himself capable of maintaining order after thwarting the Wily Rescue Force's efforts to control the city.

Snakeman: You mean the Wily Return Force.

Geminiman: Whatever.

Needlegal: He sure is milking that for all it's worth. He hasn't been this popular in years.

Magnetman: I'm sorry, but I don't get any of this. What is the big deal about the Galactic Council?

Geminiman: What are you, from space? Wait, if you were from space, you'd probably know the answer by now. "Galactic", and all that.

Magnetman: Spit it out already!

Needlegal: What Twincest here is trying to say is that the Galactic Council is it. A-number one. The head honchos. The kings of us all. The big guys in charge. Get it?

Magnetman: Okay...But since when?

Needlegal: You know...I have no idea. All I know is that they're kind of a big deal right now.

Shadowman: Which means everyone in the RPD is going to be on pins and needles working security. It's times like this when I wish we weren't part of that.

Snakeman: I would miss having a steady paycheck every week.

Topman: You get...paid?

Snakeman: Doesn't everyone?

(The group collectively shake their heads at Snakeman)

Snakeman: Well...Nevermind then. Nor do I. Ever. *cough*. Anyways, we can probably expect someone to show up to try and kill the Council while they're in town.

Geminiman: Yeah, since Crorq can't resist shoving his face into every camera within city limits to capitalize on the free PR, it means every scumbag and genocidal maniac not currently stuck in the Phantom Zone knows about it.

Shadowman: Which means it's decision time, ladies and gentlemen. We can either lend the RPD a hand like we're supposed to, or we can sit back and let our pals in the RPD do all the work and earn their...paychecks.

Snakeman: I disavow any knowledge on the subject.

Magnetman: Since we are on the RPD and we're all a part of the same team, is there a reason we wouldn't want to help 'em out?

Needlegal: You mean aside from this place being ridiculously overstaffed in the first place?

Hardman: Or because we just don't feel like it?

Topman: Or because, apparently, some of us are doing things pro bono?

Spark Chan: Well, paycheck or not, we're all in the same boat, and we know how tough it can be to counter every threat to a big shot visitor. Let's face it, the Galactic Council is the biggest VIP this city has had in, well, ever. They need our help, whether we like them or not.

Shadowman: And Crorq can't run the RPD to save his life, let alone some VIPs. If anything happens to them while they're in town, it means we'll be in big trouble.

Magnetman: How so?

Shadowman: Because then a bigger, stronger police force comes to investigate, possibly to replace the RPD. Can you even imagine working in that kind of environment?

Hardman: So, we're damned if we do, damned if we don't?

Magnetman: Seems that way.

Geminiman: Perfect. Just perfect.

(Elsewhere, in a dilapidated old building miles away, a dark figure watches Crorq's ongoing press conference on one of many monitors littered about a rusty room ...)

Crorq (On TV): ...And I can only state, again, what an honor it is for the Galactic Council to visit our humble city to honor me, er, speak with me on matters as trivial as the handful of minor menaces that will soon be wiped away by my RPD. Today, they get to see, with their own eyes, our gallant police forces working together to prevent literally dozens of potential terrorist attacks that would otherwise - *

(Crorq's speech is cut short by the monitor suddenly cracking and bursting form the impact of an arrow, straight through its screen*)

???: Minor menace, he says? Oh ho ho...It just so happens, today is the day he finds out that at least some of these menaces aren't so minor after all! Isn't that right, gentlemen?

(A group behind the apparent leader simply nods their heads in compliance, then all disappear in a beam of light.)

(Back at RPD HQ, a shuttle coasts down from above, guided by Galaxyman.)

Plumb: And here they come! From their lofty perch on a distant asteroid, they've finally come down to Earth! Aren't you excited, Ripot?

Ripot: Oh, yes Plumb!

Crorq: Yes! YES! Shakeman! Prepare me a frosty beverage!

Shakeman: Certainly, sir! What kind of beverage do you require? We have a strawberry shake or a chocolate shake or a -

Crorq: Bah! The moment has passed!

(Crorq shoves Shakeman aside and moves forward as the shuttle finally lands.)

Shakeman: But... but...

(The shuttle opens and Rolls Royce Man steps out to an array of camera flashes.)

Rolls Royce Man: So many lights! But what can you expect with a classic like me? Turboman, eat your heart out!

Diamond Man: And yet your glittering surface cannot compare to mine.

Rolls Royce Man: *Humph.*

Faberge Egg Man: It's nice to be back here. I mean, I wouldn't want to live here ... but it's nice.

Honus Wagner Card Man: *whispering* Hey! We're on live television! You can't say things like that!

Faberge Egg Man: What? The little people like honesty in their politicians, don't they? I'm being honest.

Honus Wagner Card Man: (A little too loudly) Hah hah hah. Hoo boy, Faberge, you're a kidder. Yessir! A real kidder, hah hah hah.

S. Schwartz: You've made quite the spectacle of this, Crorq. This is every major station, isn't it?

Crorq: W-what? Spectacle? It isn't every day the mighty Galactic Council comes to Earth! This is news and we still have freedom of the press!

S. Schwartz: Much as you'd wish otherwise, eh Crorq?

Crorq: I - erm - don't know what you mean.

Ripot: Sirs! Sirs! Will any of you make a statement!

S. Schwartz: No thank you.

Terra: So you are the famous people of Earth! I am Terra - and soon you will be my slaves!


Terra: Hah hah hah! Just kidding.

Crorq: A stunning sense of humor as always, Terra! Only more stunning is your hair. Did you do something new with it?

Terra: (Moves his head sharply to send his hair flowing, as in a shampoo commercial) This old look? No, no. But I'm glad you like it.

Galaxyman: (From somewhere in the back) Hey! Hey! Terra! I love your hair!


Pharaohman: Alright, people, let the VIPs pass.

Ripot: Erm, do you guys really want to let all that be you're first official statement?

K.Watson: Pardon the council members' brusqueness. Our assemblies are not met with quite as much fanfare on other worlds.

Ripot: Ah, returning Commander General and former World President, Kay Watson! How does it feel to be back on Earth, ma'am?

K.Watson: Nostalgic, certainly. There are times I long for the simpler days of administrating just one planet...

Ripot: You mentioned that other worlds don't give the council such a warm welcome. Is that surprising considering the importance of your function?

K.Watson: It's to be expected. Most of the other worlds we oversee are colonies or outposts with smaller populations and less independent culture. Mass media plays a significant role in people's expectations as well.

Ripot: Ah yes. How would you say your role differs from people's expectations, then?

K.Watson: ...You don't even know what the council does, do you?

Ripot: Uh...of course, we have researched that accurately...and we will go over those points back at the studio! In the meantime, would you care to elaborate for the viewers at home?

K.Watson: (Sigh) We are currently concerned with matters of defense and resource allocation between planets in our territory. Large scale intergalactic transport is still a delicate matter and needs to be considered thoroughly before deploying forces to handle problems such as your current energy crisis. It's preferable that each world finds a solution to their own problems before drawing from their neighbors. The council exists to moderate that.

Plumb: You heard it, folks! The Galactic Council is here to solve the energy crisis today!

(There is an uproar of cheering from the crowd.)

K.Watson: I most certainly did NOT say that!

(The crowd boos.)

S.Schwartz: (Whispering to Watson) This is why it's better without the needless publicity.

K.Watson: Tell that to Crorq, Steve.

S.Schwartz: I did. Pretty sure this was intentional on his part.

K.Watson: Lovely.

(Not far outside the security zone, in a dark alley, two robots monitor the broadcast on a phone.)

Omniman: Yeah, you heard that? They ARE talking about the energy crisis.

Golemman: Good thing?

Omniman: Not for our client. Not when they can make more money stealing and reselling shipments of a scarce commodity. So our job is to show them their "help" isn't wanted here by making some trouble.

Golemman: Omni and Golem make trouble...council send help...what?

Omniman: ...Look, it's not our job to question the logic of the job. It's our job to make trouble. Understand?

Golemman: Omni and Golem make trouble!

Omniman: Right! Now, first we have to sneak past the security barrier. I'll wear this cap and overalls pretending to be a technician, while you surround yourself in giant speakers pretending to be a sound system. We still need to jack a trailer to carry you in. You head to the shipping yard and carry one over here while I snoop around the perimeter for some rube with a pass I can steal and paste my face over. Then we'll meet back here in an hour and -

(Suddenly, a patrolling robot police officer rounds the corner.)

Officer: Unit 88 to base, I got two suspicious individuals in sector 14.

Omniman: ...Damnit.

Golemman: Other plan time?

Omniman: (Launching his lance through the officer's head) Yeah yeah, let's just smash through the gate.

(From the RPD roof, it's not long before everyone notices panic and destruction spreading from the direction of the security barrier.)
Honus Wagner Card Man: W-what's that!? Are we under attack!?

Terra: If it's someone prettier than me ...

K.Watson: No! We let the RPD do their jobs.

Crorq: Damn right! Mechs, you're nearest to the commotion! Handle this!

Shadowman: So much for us fading into the crowd. I'm really getting sick of that guy bossing us around.

Magnetman: It's our job, pardner, and we best do it!

Omniman: (Bursting through the crowd to rush the building.) Ah hah hah! The MECHS!

(Omni uses his Drill Lance to swipe away RPD officers.)

Omniman: I'm so glad that you're all here. And in front of all the cameras too. Now hear me, world!

(Omniman grabs the nearest video camera from a stunned Plumb.)

Plumb: Hey!

Omniman: The Evil Eight is now recruiting! Do you long for a fresh start? Cool new powers? And instant friends? Then join the Evil Eight! Currently, we're looking for a new Warman. But if you like cutting things you could be Clawman. Chimeraman would also be a good role to fill (our last Chimera went a bit nuts). We're still hoping Artillery comes back - Hey! Artillery! If you hear this contact me at Omniman2020@ -

(Omniman is knocked back by one of Hardman's Knuckles.)

Hardman: Get a website ya putz.

(Golemman charges at Hardman, knocking back police bots as he races forward)

Golemman: Hard always hurt Golem, now Golem hurt Hard!

(Hardman sidesteps Golem and uses his momentum to throw him into a wall.)

Hardman: That was somebody else, you slob. And I am not interested in you. Go fight Shadowman or somethin'.

Golemman: But Golem always fight Hard!

(Golemman is riddled with bullets and needles.)

Golemman: Woah!

Magnetman: Then let's mix it up. Variety is the spice of life.

Needlegal: My cannon may not hurt you much, but with so many hitting you, you can't last for long.

Omniman: Hang in there, Golem! Think about the money!

Golemman: Thinking hurts!

Omniman: Just keep pushing forward! Keep - ACK!

(Omniman is jumped on by several snakes, all injecting venom into the robot's systems.)

Snakeman: Seriously, it's eight to two here. And that's just us. It doesn't even count all the other robot masters.

(A flash of light startles the crowd followed quickly by an explosion that rocks the other side of the gathering.)


Crorq: (while shepherding the last of the Galactic council into RPD HQ) What in blazes was that?!

Diamond Man: This whole thing is looking like a bad idea.

Crorq: I have everything under control. Get into the building now! Mechanical Maniacs, Sterling Sentinels you're with me. Cossack's Creations, World's Strongest - destroy those interlopers!

Magnetman: (while dodging an attack from Golemman) Uh, kinda busy here, bossman.

(The smoke clears and a small force of Scissor Joes emerge into view along with two Robot Masters.)

Starman: I'm ready for my close up.

Crystalgirl: Look at that. They're speechless.

Scissor Joes: Kill now for Elysium awaits!

Geminiman: (Standing too near to flee effectively) WOAH! Looks like I'm not going anywhere either!

Crorq: Such incompetence! Fine! Shadow, Magnet, Hard, and Gemini you can stay here and be damned! The rest - to me!

Geminiman: That's rather dramatic, don't you think?

Starman: Who doesn't like a little drama, eh?

(Cossack's Creations and the World's Strongest target Crystalgirl and the Joes. Crystal laughs and launches an attack of razor sharp crystals to meet her attackers. Meanwhile, Geminiman continues to deal with Starman ...)

Starman: Just you and me, eh? Well, as long as I have someone's undivided attention.

(Starman shoots out several stars. They strike one Geminiman, but another catches Starman off guard with a baton.)

Geminiman: And who exactly are you supposed to be? You look like a messed up version of Starman!

Starman: I am a new and improved Starman ... courtesy of General Cutman!

Geminiman: What!?

(Starman uses Geminiman's moment of hesitation to blind him with a flash of light and then slam him into a far wall.)

(Meanwhile, Crorq has managed to get everyone into a freight elevator...)

Honus Wagner Card Man: Finally! Safe!

Police Bot: Don't worry, sir! We have your back.

Crorq: Yes, yes, just be sure to throw yourselves in the line of fire should the need arise. Remember: you are replaceable. They are not.

Police Bot: ... Right.

S. Schwartz: There's no need to go to such dramatics, Crorq.

Crorq: Of course, your eminence! I beg your pardon, your ... magnificence!

S. Schwartz: *sigh*

Terra: What's so magnificent about him? Barely has any hair at all anymore.

Crorq: Uh, right.

Diamond Man: There is no need to be so defensive, Terra. We all know you have the best hair.

Terra: ... But I'm not the shiniest, am I? Is that what you're trying to say?

Crorq: Nonsense! Your hair outshines all else!

Terra: Damn right it does.



Topman: So ... what's being on the Galactic Council like?

Crorq: Don't you talk to them! They're your betters! You do not engage your betters in idle chit chat. They don't want to hear the sound of your voice. It must be like nails on a chalkboard to them. As it is to me.

K. Watson: I must agree with Crorq, we are not here to answer your questions.

Topman: Rude!

Crorq: When you're as important as them or I you can afford to be rude. But since you're not I'd advise you to shut up!

Topman: I'm not even getting paid for this. Do you pay the Police bots?

Police bots: Of course, fellow officer!

Topman: Double rude!

Needlegal: (Whispering) Don't make a scene.

Topman:'s not fair if only Snakeman gets paid.

(Snakeman tries his best to blend into the scenery.)

Diamond Man: Working without getting paid? Oh my, how do you middle class people live?

Topman: Why you - !

Spark Chan: (Whispering) Shh! Stop making a scene.

Crorq: Oh my. All this talk of money is making me hungry.

Splash Woman: How could that possibly make you hungry!?

Crorq: The thought of money leads to thoughts of purchases, and from there I naturally move on to my stomach. I hope your glimpse into the mind of genius has benefited you, Splash Woman, for if you do not quiet yourself and return to your duty my thoughts may drift to sushi!

Splash Woman: Eeep!


Crystalgirl: Pathetic! Is this what the world's come to after trying so hard to defeat the great General!?

(Shards of crystal tear into swaths of police bots after they try to shield reporters fleeing the scene.)

Blizzardman: By the great snowball! Something has to work on her!

Drillman: By the great what!?

Crystalgirl: Eyes in front! (Riddles Blizzardman and Drillman with razor sharp crystals).

Centaurman: You know, Geminiman is facing Starman all on his own. Shouldn't one of us ...

Toadman: Don't you know how the Mechs fell out with the RPD all those years ago? It turned out they were all talking to General Cutman! And one of them even killed our creator. They said it was a mistake, but I'm not going to stick my neck out for 'em!*

(*as detailed in Series 7 Life after Life; it all happened in an undocumented adventure.)

(Centaurman stares at Toadman.)

Toadman: Figuratively speaking of course.

Flameman: That one is not only a Wilybot, and one of the unreliable Mechanical Maniacs, but also a former member of the Scissor Army. I say we let him solve his own problem.

(A short distance away, Starman easily dissipates one of Geminiman's clones.)

Starman: Really, it's like you're not even trying. (Turns to a nearby camera crew, bravely filming the battle.) Sure you getting all this?

Ripot: Y-yes!

Starman: Excellent. Be sure to get my good side. If you don't you'll wish Crystalgirl got to you.

Ripot: Oh-oh by the creator!

Geminiman: (blocking an attack of stars using his crystalline shield) How are you even here!? General Cutman's dead!

Starman: And you know that for certain?

Geminiman: Of all the robot masters anywhere, yes! I know it for certain! And more than anyone else, I know you weren't there during the War! So where in the seven hells did you come from!?

Starman: Well, the great General was a busy guy during the war. While he had every intention of finishing his set of Ascendant Androids, he was ... beaten ... before he could get to it.

(Starman ducks under a ricochet of the Gemini Laser and counters with a quick physical attack of his own against Geminiman. Inexplicably, he turns to the camera in front of him, turning his back to Geminiman.)

Starman: Yes, it's true! I missed out on the great war. And when the general returned* he had moved on to other projects and left me behind.

(* in an unseen adventure taking place between Series 6 and 7.)

(Starman pauses visibly and Geminiman lays there, giving himself a few precious seconds to recover.)

Ripot: (Realizing that Starman is waiting for him to ask a question) Oh, um, but if that's the case then it still doesn't explain how you're here to terrorize -

(Starman's expression cools and his eyes narrow.)

Ripot: Er! I mean - to liberate all robots everywhere!

Starman: ... just so. Well, let's just say that we have a new leader and he finished what the great General started.

Ripot: Erm ... Napalmman?

Starman: (Laughs with genuine mirth) NO! Although he really wished he did call the shots. Anyway, he wasn't even around until recently, as you should have known.

(Once more Starman pauses dramatically.)

Ripot: ... (begins to shift nervously.) ... uh ... of course ...

Starman: *sigh* There's no intelligent journalism these days is there? That's the blogging generation for you!

Crystalgirl: (from elsewhere) Starman, what are you doing!? This isn't time for an interview!

(Realizing his time was up, Geminiman quickly fires a Gemini Laser at the distracted Starman, hitting him squarely in the back.)

(Elsewhere, Golemman is reeling from a barrage of magnetic bullets.)

Golemman: Omni! Help Golem!

Omniman: (While taking a wild slash at a leaping Shadowman) I'm a little busy here, big guy!

Magnetman: Oh, come on! You've been troubling my pals for years now and I'm just a rookie. Wouldn't you say your current troubles make you just a little bit ... pathetic? (Magnetman grins wildly.)

Golemman: ... (Golem's eyes narrow, but Magnet remains oblivious.)

Magnetman: Aw, is the big guy gonna cry? Haw haw! Come here and I'll give you a big 'ol hug!

(Magnetman turns up his magnetic power to draw Golem closer, but instead of resisting, Golem rounds on Magnetman and punches him squarely through a wall and into the lobby of RPD HQ.)


Magnetman: WOAH!

(Magnetman whips out a gun and aims at Golem, but the enraged robot throws him into a decorative statue commemorating Crorq.)

Golemman: Golem SMASH!

(Magnetman is crushed to the ground by an enraged Golemman.)

Magnetman: *sputters* (Magnet is visibly damaged by the strong blows and Golemman lifts his fists high for a finishing blow.)

Magnetman: Polished off by Golemman? This is just ... an embarrassment.

(Golemman suddenly screams and turns. Magnet is surprised to see a Shadow Blade sticking out from his shoulder joint.)

Shadowman: (From a hidden area) You should be, Mags. Seriously, Golemman?

Magnetman: Awww, crud.

(Elsewhere, Hardman handles Omniman on his own ... and fares poorly.)

Omniman: What's the matter? You're not as quick as your previous incarnation.

(Omniman delivers a rapid succession of jabs with his spear. Each attack does little damage, but Hardman is unused to his bulky body and the total amount of attacks chips away at his defense).

Hardman: When I get my hands on you ...

Omniman: I'll just have to make sure that doesn't happen.

(Omniman sidesteps a double Hard punch and delivers another glancing blow on the large robot master.)

Hardman: Good gravy, how can this get any worse?

Plantman: Don't worry, teammate! Help's at hand!

Brightman: We'll save you, big guy!

Hardman: Dammit!

(Elsewhere, Geminiman continues to fire projectiles at a surprised Starman.)

Geminiman: Ripot may not be able to put it all together, but you laid it bare to me. Your ego really knows no bounds, does it?

Starman: And what, pray - nngg - is it that you put together?

(Starman dissipates a clone, but another appears and slams into Starman with his baton.)

Geminiman: If you were active for all this time, it must have been you who hired Artilleryman to attack the robot prison! You probably sent Omni and Golem there as well. It was all to rescue the Ascendant Androids.

Starman: Hah, that's right! (Starman staggers back, visibly shaken by Geminiman's assault.) Artilleryman really came through for me that time. Although neither he nor the "troublesome two" knew it was I pulling the strings from behind the scenes.*

(*It all happened in Series 8 #1).

(In a visible burst of energy Starman covers the local area with light, removing all of Geminiman's clones in an instant. Starman quickly dashes to the real Geminiman's now-revealed location and grabs him by the throat.)

Starman: But it'll have to be Ripot over there and not you who tells the world of my dazzling plot! Hah hah hah hah hah!

(Starman's eyes grow wide as Geminiman just then shoots a gaping hole through his chest.)

Geminiman: Now that ... was a very stupid move.

(Enraged, Starman bursts Geminiman's body to pieces with his enhanced Star Crash).

Starman: (Now with a gaping hole through his chest.) Stupid? No. Dramatic? Surely! But what a way to end this match ...

(Starman falls to his knees and raises his head to the sky. He laughs dramatically, all the while eyeing the camera on him. And, in a burst of light, teleports away.)

(Elsewhere still, Crystalgirl cuts Toadman, Blizzardman, and Drillman to ribbons. However, she's caught off guard by a large Pharaoh Shot.)

Pharaohman: You will learn to respect our power, evil one.

Crystalgirl: So damned many of you...

(A weary Crystalgirl raises floating crystals in defence against an oncoming Dive missile.)

Diveman: Keep on her, guys! This !@#$% is getting tired.

Crystalgirl: Tired ... of your ... insipid ... AHH!!

(Crystalgirl is knocked to the ground as Pharaoh, Dive, Ring, Dust, Skull, Flame, Centaur, Knight, Wind, and Yamatoman all surround and attack at once.)

Yamatoman: It was pure arrogance to attack us all on your own.

Crystalgirl: Yes ... I suppose it was. (Crystalgirl smirks as she teleports away.)

Diveman: Damn! She got away.

Flameman: I didn't like the look in her eye at the end there.

Pharaohman: Indeed. Everyone! Get ready for -

(Pharaohman is cut off by another flash of light illuminates the area. Everyone is stunned as the humongous Chargeman teleports onto the scene).

Chargeman: *Hrrrrrr*

(In the lower areas of RPD HQ ...)

Topman: (whispering) I almost wish we were out there fighting.

Needlegal: I don't think we're paid enough to actually fight anyone up there.

Snakeman: Still on with that? Come on, guys...

Topman: Come on nothing!

Spark Chan: *shhhh*!

Crorq: ... and, as you can see by my diagrams, I have managed to save Monsteropolis from an even worse crisis than what we may have currently faced by eliminating production to sectors of the city that generally go unused and by organizing each of our zones into more efficient configurations.

K. Watson: I must say, Crorq, that what you've shown us is remarkably efficient.

Rolls Royce Man: Indeed! You've handled this very well. Don't you agree, Terra?

Terra: Hm. Yes, I must bow before Crorq's great number crunching skills.

Diamond Man: Yes, yes we're all impressed by your great system of managing sustainability over the city.

Crorq: As well you should be.

S. Schwartz: I think we're all getting more than a little worried about new criminal elements emerging from this world. After over a decade of silence it seems like things are getting out of hand.

Crorq: An astute observation. Indeed, things are looking grim. Were I to have more authority I might be able to do even more to turn the tide down here, but I manage as best as I can with the resources I have available.

Terra: More authority? You're already chief of police!

Crorq: Answerable to several politically-motivated individuals. Why, the mayor himself has proven to be more of an obstacle to reform for the sake of the citizens of the city. Not to mention world leaders who constantly question my authority.

Faberge Egg Man: I can't say I see the problem here.

(As if on cue the building shakes.)

Honus Wagner Card Man: What was that?

Needlegal: (whispering) Sounds like something I'm not paid enough to deal with.


Flameman: Waahhhhhhh!!!!

(Flameman and the rest of the robots who were fighting Crystalgirl duck out of the way as Chargeman crashes through them, levelling the wall nearest to the group and tearing Diveman, Windman, and Yamatoman into pieces while doing so.)

(Golemman looks up from inside of RPD HQ.)

Golemman: Golem no like noise.

Shadowman: Shadow no like it either.

Magnetman: This just ain't my day.

(The roof quickly falls on the three robots.)

Omniman: Golem!

(Omniman is quickly decked by Hardman.)

Hardman: Gotcha! You wiry freak!

(Omniman skips along the ground as the force of Hardman's punch sends him far away.)

Pharaohman: Someone ... get that monstrosity!

(From out of nowhere a small craft darts through the area...)

Doc Robot: Attack! Attack, Return Force! For the glory of Wil---eeeeeeeeee!

(Doc Robot is swatted away by a surprisingly quick Chargeman. He flies off in the direction he came from.)

Barrageman: ...

Multiman: ...

Barrageman: Unit Barrageman deems this an inopportune time to seek vengeance on the RPD.

Multiman: Unit Barrageman's got a good head on his shoulders.

(Both robots quickly leave.)

(Golemman bursts out of the ruins of the ceiling.)

Golemman: Train Feet ruin Golem's fight! (Golemman hurls debris at the monstrous robot.) Train Feet PAY! NOW!

Chargeman: *Hrrrruuuhh??*

(Golemman continues to attack Chargeman with the now-ample supply of debris as the robot police forces gather together and concentrate their attack on the towering robot.)

Flameman: One's attacking the other? What do we do?

Pharaohman: Help him, obviously! Concentrate on Chargeman!

(Chargeman flails wildly as the RPD and Golem concentrate their attacks. With a sweep of his hand, Flameman and Pharaohman are swept aside and sustain injuries, but continue to lay it on the large robot. Chargeman begins to stagger back.)

Knightman: Keep at it! For your honor! And the honor of the robot police department!

Skullman: Guys, I hate to say it, but I'm beginning to run low on fuel here. If this guy doesn't fall soon, I just may...

Pharaohman: Don't you DARE!

Chargeman: *Hrrrrrrrrrrr*

???: (from far above: eeeeeeeeeeeee

Pharaohman: What was that?

Dustman: It's too large to be a falling bird.

Ringman: Too small to be a falling plane.

Hardman: (From far above) eeeeeeeerrrrrrrRR IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII COOOOOOOOOOO - _

(Chargeman looks up just in time to see Hardman falling right on top of him. Metal explodes as the already heavy robot crashes through Chargeman's smokestack and severs one of the robot's massive arms.)


(Chargeman grips his shoulder in pain and, in a flash of light leaves the scene.)

(The entire RPD looks at the small crater Hardman made as he landed.)

(Unseen by the police forces an injured Omniman takes an even more injured Golemman by the arm.)

Omniman: (whispering) We are leaving!

(Both disappear in a flash of light. The RPD veer their heads just in time to notice the area has been cleared of hostiles.)


Centaurman: So ... does this count as a win?

Ripot: I'm putting in time and a half for this.

Plumb: Yeah.

(Much later that day, half the teams awakens to a chaotic medical bay.)

Faberge Egg Man: Don't you know how fragile I am!? Those rocks could have finished me! Oh, the humanity!

Rolls Royce Man: I guess Crorq wasn't kidding about things getting out of hand.

Faberge Egg Man: I can't believe I'm in here with these commoners.

Hardman: Who're you calling "common!?

Crorq: Eh heh, well, this was the best we could do. I'm afraid the RPD doesn't have large resources to deal with injuries. I'm afraid you'll just have to grit your teeth and bear it.

Magnetman: Gotta say, Benji, that was a great plan you had there. Just ... dropping right on top of Chargeman! Wish I coulda seen it.

Artilleryman: Let's give a little credit where credit's due. I came up with the plan after Hardman called me. And lemme tell you - a rush job like this is gonna cost you.

Hardman: But you hardly did anything!

Artilleryman: Look, I dropped everything I was doing when you called. And the fuel it takes to haul your fat ass into the sky? I don't even wanna get into it.

Hardman: But I don't even make any money!

Artilleryman: What!?

Spark Chan: We don't get paid.

Topman: Well, nobody but Snakeman anyway.

Snakeman: (Tries his best to blend in with the background.)

Topman: Hey! Yellow cheese!

Faberge Egg Man: "Yellow Cheese"? How amusing. Ohhh, it hurts to laugh.

Crorq: WHAT!?

Topman: What exactly happened to getting paid!? Why's Snakeman the only one getting any money!?

Crorq: (Stares at Topman as if he's an idiot.)

Topman: What?!

(A door opens loudly.)

Shadowman: Look at this! Brand new armor! It feels much more slick than the old Transmetal 2 version.

Geminiman: And I must say I find my new form very attractive as well. It shines like my inner light.

Diamond Man: ... (hmph, you call that shiny?)

Snakeman: Lookin' good, guys!

Needlegal: Hm. You know, I wouldn't have minded it if my look was shinier.

Magnetman: Well aren't we sharp looking bunch.

Crorq: (Gestures to the Mechs in their shiny new armor.)

Topman: ...

Shadowman: It's so weird. I can now throw Shadow Blades from any direction. I think it uses a variation of my shadow warp technology.

Geminiman: I feel like a whole new me.

Geminiman: And, of course, you look exquisite.

Spark Chan: *groan*

Topman: ...

Crorq: New armor was one of the first things your team asked for. I believe you yourself said ... what was it? "These things are antiques? How can we fight crime in armor that's older than my iPod?" Everyone on your team seemed to agree on it. Where did you think the money to pay for all that would come from? My food budget? (Crorq chuckles mildly.)

Topman: But why only Snake...?

Crorq: Well, your contracts do stipulate some form of compensation. And Snakeman is the best with money out of all of you. I felt it was best to give him your purse strings, so to speak.

Everyone Else: (Glares at Snake.)

Snakeman: (That amount was for everyone?)...L-look ... you guys, I think it was for the best. I've invested most of it and ...

Artilleryman: Then you're the one footin' the bill this time, bucko.

Snakeman: (Cringes.)

Topman: But if all that's true then what about my armor!? When do I get my new look?

Crorq: Look, if you think I'm just going to toss it at you because you ask, you've got another think coming. I have a budget to maintain, so you're using that armor until it can't be used any more!

Topman: But I'm the one who asked for new armor in the first place!

Crorq: That's not my problem.

(Crorq turns back to the council members. After a pause Needlegal lowers her voice to a whisper and beckons the team closer.)

Shadowman: (Whispering) What's up, Needle?

Needlegal: I thought you'd all like to know that Crorq's really keen on joining the Council.

Hardman: Hardly a surprise.

Spark Chan: I'll say. The Council's one of the few groups he has to answer to.

Needlegal: No, he's really keen on joining the council. Didn't you notice that half of that meeting was a not-so subtle membership pitch? He kept going on and on about how world leaders kept getting in the way of his job.

Magnetman: ...

Snakeman: So? He's always like that.

Needlegal: But don't you think it's a little ... odd that he made the council come here? It's been crime central lately!

Magnetman: Hold on, now. What're you saying? That the chief wanted this chaos?

Needlegal: He's not exactly broken up about it, is he?

(The Mechs eye a laughing Crorq.)

Magnetman: ... No way. He's got his faults, but there's no way I can believe that.

Shadowman: Being chief of police and the petty bullying it allowed him seemed to make him happy. Too happy to be honest. I don't know if I quite believe this conspiracy theory either.

Needlegal: I just think we should keep our eyes open.

Spark Chan: That's always good advice. I'll do it.

Magnetman: So long as y'all don't do anything hasty, I'll keep my eyes open too. But I'm telling you: the chief ain't that bad. He's got a few quirks, but deep down his heart's in the right place.

(The Mechs stare at Magnet in open-mouthed disbelief.)

Magnetman: ... Deep, deep down.

Snakeman: Well, I guess things turned out all right...

Needlegal: Yeah, and we learned something too....

Topman: If it's something about money someone gets a top shoved somewhere unpleasant.

Needlegal: We learned that sometimes, teamwork is essential in beating a foe. Teamwork is what allowed us to beat Chargeman. And teamwork is what beat Crystalgirl. And all the council members are safe and sound thanks to the power ... of teamwork!

Geminiman: But I beat Starman all by myself.

Needlegal: ...

Hardman: And I sent Omniman packing all my myself!

Needlegal: ... but it was a team decision that you face those guys by yourselves.

Hardman: That doesn't make any sense!

Topman: Well, until we get paid, we are ... The Mechanical Maniacs!
















(Elsewhere, much later that day ....)

K. Watson: (Mutters to herself) I can't believe we're stuck here. Our spacecraft destroyed and this place is too backwater to have any nearby replacements. And what's worse is dealing with the sycophant Crorq.

(There's a small knock on the door.)

K. Watson: Yes?

Police Bot: Just a change in shifts. Just wanted to let you know what an honor it is to meet a member of the Galactic Council. Honestly, I never thought I'd get this opportunity.

K. Watson: *sigh* Thank you.

Police Bot: Can ... can I trouble you for an autograph?

K. Watson: Another one? Well, why not?

Police Bot: Great! Just great! You know ... I bet you'd never guess my name.

The End


Classi Cal as .....
Spark Chan
Raijin as .....
Psycho Magnet as .....
Ben as .....
    Nightmare as .....
Lennon as .....
Sheriff (Kassidy) Mags as .....
Gauntlet as .....


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