By Gauntlet (Shadowman)
Following the events of the last epilogue, the Mechanical Maniacs are once again without a base. And, so they are forced into a cheap motel before they can finally find a permanent place to stay ....
(It's another dismal, cold, and foggy night as the Mechanical Maniacs look around the city for housing.)
Shadowman: This is ridiculous! You'd think heroes like us would get a decent welcome!
Spark Chan: Yeah, but everyone says our credit is lousy. That we have so many enemies. Even Superman hates us!
Needlegal: Superman can't hate us! He's ... Superman! Didn't he hear how we saved the world all those times?
Geminiman: Most other heroes can't stand us though. We got a bad rap after crashing that Superhero convention in Metropolis. Before most of you guys joined up. *
Shadowman: What philistines!
Snakeman: This bites! Without the Ark we can't even teleport out! Don't we have any friends who'll take us in?!
Shadowman: Sadly .... no. Most of the other teams that we've associated with have disbanded. Even the Sinister Six! And Ben might have given us a stay at Wily's Warriors ... if only they didn't work for Wily and we weren't cops!
Spark Chan: Oh goodness! It looks like we're really down on our luck this time. Even Webby can't find us a place to stay!
Snakeman: What about your mango tree, Class! Can't we stay there?
Spark Chan: It's a mango tree, Raijin-kun. Not a hotel. Hardman could take up all the room by himself.
Snakeman: *sigh* We really are screwed then.
Xelloss: Then that's my cue!
The 'Maniacs: Xelloss!
Xelloss: That's me!
Geminiman: You! What do you want!?
Xelloss: Why .... only to help my old friends!
Geminiman: Old friends!?
Xelloss: Yes of course! I've always thought of you all as some of my closest friends!
Shadowman: When you first met us you tried to set us up so your boss could rule all reality.*
(*Series 3 Issue 24)
Geminiman: And when you reappeared you tried to turn me into some sort of monstrous .... Gemini-thing!*
Needlegal: Even our association with you has caused us trouble!*
(*Series 3 Issue 14)
Xelloss: And throughout it all, hasn't our close bond of friendship only gotten stronger?
The 'Maniacs: NO!!
Xelloss: Oh dear ... then I suppose you wouldn't be interested in a new apartment complex I've set up.
Magnetman: What!? An apartment complex!?
Xelloss: A very high-end apartment complex. More like a resort! We'll have swimming pools ... free internet access .... satellite television.... and enough room for all of you!
Topman: This sounds a little too good to be true, Xelloss.
Xelloss: I assure you, it's very true! Due to my ..... connections I was able to build my complex with every bit of furnishings that a mazoku .... or a robot could want!
Geminiman: And what's the catch, Xelloss?
Xelloss: Catch? You wound me, Gemini.
Geminiman: Nobody does something for nothing. What's the catch?
Xelloss: The only "catch" would be to help make my community a prosperous one! Well, a minimal amount of rent would be paid, of course. But I'm only interested in redeeming myself in front of the world's eyes.
Hardman: Yeah, I'll bet.
Shadowman: Okay, guys. Team meeting.
(The team huddles together, football style.)
Shadowman: Okay, guys .... what do you think?
Spark Chan: Well .... he might be telling the truth.
Snakeman: Hah! No way! He's gotta be yanking our leg.
Magnetman: Still, it sounds like a good offer.
Hardman: And it's not like we have many places to go .... our rent at that seedy hotel is a rip-off.
Xelloss: (now a part of the huddle) So, whadya say?
The Maniacs: YIKES!
Shadowman: .... Okay, Xelloss. We'll play your game.
Xelloss: WONDERFUL! I have your rooms all set up! Oh, this will be oh-so-much fun!
(The Mechanical Maniacs are then led by Xelloss through town and to a very impressive looking resort area!)
Spark Chan: Oh my GOD!!
Shadowman: This is .... a palace!
Topman: I think we made the right choice.
Xelloss: Of course you have. Now, let me show you to your rooms...
(Xelloss shows the Mechanical Maniacs to a very spacious apartment.)
Xelloss: This is your main meeting area. Naturally, you'll all have your own rooms, but this is your new team conference center.
Spark Chan: Our own rooms!?
Xelloss: Of course! What did you think this was ... some cheap time-share? No, this here's the real deal! And observe!
(Xelloss flips a switch on the wall and the wall on the opposite side of the room slides back to reveal ...)
Xelloss: Your new multipurpose computer! It has a capacity of 250 gigabytes as well as a high speed connection to the internet. It also blocks all pop ups ... the latest in Mazoku technology!
Xelloss: And for the little lady ....
(Xelloss opens up a window.)
Xelloss: A grove of mango trees!
Spark Chan: (Squeals with happiness.)
Magnetman: This is all very impressive, Xelloss.
Xelloss: Well, I do strive for the best!
Shadowman: Wow, this ... this really blows my mind, Xel. You did a great job. Thanks for all this, Xellos. You did a great job!
Xelloss: Well .... truly grateful people give me $30.
Shadowman: Wait, what?
Xelloss: I've been looking for some nice computer equipment and that $30 could really help me out. You know, since you're so grateful and all.
Shadowman: *mumbles* yeah, okay.
(Shadowman gives Xelloss $30).
Xelloss: Great! Thanks! And, hey .... enjoy the establishment.
(Xelloss teleports out.)
Shadowman: Uh ... yeah! Well, let's get going, guys! We have a lot of moving to do.
(One week later....)
Xelloss: (Appears next to Shadowman.) Hey, everyone!
The 'Maniacs: WAHH!
Shadowman: Xelloss! Can't you just knock?
Xelloss: .... knock?
Shadowman: *sigh* never mind.
Xelloss: So, how do you like the place?
Topman: Good so far.
Magnetman: Yeah, it's alright.
Xelloss: great, great ... um .... so I've noticed you still have your bar open, Hardman.
Hardman: Yeah. It's doing pretty good. You know, I like to make a little money on the side.
Xelloss: But you realize that part of our arrangement was that you merge all your assets with the Mazoku Community, right?
Hardman: Wait, what?
Shadowman: Since when?
Xelloss: Well, it's in your contract. I'm sure you want to add to this community, don't you?
Hardman: Well, geez, Xel. I kinda like my bar where it is. Everyone's used to it by now.
Xelloss: Ahhh .... yeah, but I'm really going to have to ask you to move it here.
Shadowman: And, exactly where would it be? I mean ... how exactly would it work?
Xelloss: Well, I'll show you!
(The Mechanical Maniacs get whisked to a generic looking place with a demon-themed setting.)
Xelloss: Welcome to the new Hardman's Bar!
Hardman: Uh ... it doesn't look like my bar.
Xelloss: No. But doesn't it look better?
Hardman: Uh .... I kinda like my bar as it is.
Xelloss: Oh, but your bar's a hole-in-the-wall! Look at this bar. Don't you know how many bells and whistles you could have?
Hardman: I admit, I like the bells and whistles .. but I like my bar.
Shadowman: So, does this mean we'll be given administrative access to the Mazoku Community?
Xelloss: Administrative access? No. No! No....No.
Hardman: Then, how could I run my bar?
Xelloss: Well, I'd run it for you!
Snakeman: That doesn't seem so good, Xel.
Xelloss: Oh, it's fine!
Magnetman: But what if we don't like someone and want to kick them out? Or beat them to a bloody pulp?
Xelloss: Well, you'd just tell me and I'd kick them out for you.
Hardman: Well ... what if I want to do it right away?
Xelloss: Oh, but I can be reached at almost any time! I have a cell phone and it's always on.
Xelloss: Oh, and I'd rather you didn't actually kick anyone out.
Hardman: But I need to kick troublemakers out.
Xelloss: Well, we have a warnings system here at Mazoku INC. And I like it! The system, you see, kicks people out for you. When they have enough warnings.
Hardman: Would we be able to set the warnings.
Shadowman: I don't think this sounds good.
Hardman: Yeah, I'm going to want to kick someone out. I mean ... I actually like running my place. I don't want to be just a bartender in my own bar.
Xelloss: But it would be practically the same!
Hardman: Yeah, but even so...and I kind of want to be able to change the look of this place.
Xelloss: But ...
Hardman: It's just not my bar. I want it to look like my bar y'know?
Xelloss: ... I see. Well, we aim to please here at the Mazoku Community. I'll see what I can do.
(The next day, Shadowman is watching TV alongside the other 'Maniacs when Xelloss appears!)
Xelloss: Good afternoon, team!
Magnetman: (eyes the Mazoku coldly) Hey, Xelloss.
Spark Chan: So, how's it going, Xel?
Xelloss: Pretty good. I'd just like to inform you of something.
Snakeman: What's up, Xel?
Xelloss: From now on, to make more money, I want you to put these advertisements on your door and your offices at the police station. We need to make more money here at the MC and this is a fine way to do it! This is a new term of service and if it isn't done in a week you're all outta here!
The 'Maniacs: .... Oh ... kay ....
(The next day, Hardman is running his bar, when Xelloss once again appears.)
Xelloss: Hey, Hardman!
Hardman: GAH! Xelloss! Can't you knock!?
Xelloss: Sorry, Hardman. So, how's life treating you?
Hardman: Pretty good. You?
Xelloss: Can't be better. Say ... how about moving your bar over to mine now?
Hardman: Well, you haven't gotten all those things done yet, have you?
Xelloss: Oh, but just look at how shoddy this place is! How small! Dark! And dank!
Hardman: I like it, Xel.
Xelloss: But isn't my bar so much better than this?
Hardman: If you get those things done I might move, Xel. But you never mentioned my bar when we signed up.
Xelloss: Alright ... fine.
(The next day, the 'Maniacs are having a team discussion over which evil double was better in their meeting room...)
Shadowman: .... and Captain Pollution was awesome because he had magic rings! I mean ... super radiation! It can kill anyone in the area. You don't even have to aim!
Snakeman: Is all you know connected to old TV shows, Gauntlet?
Shadowman: What? What's wrong with old TV shows?
Xelloss: Hey, team!
The 'Maniacs: GWAHH!
Spark Chan: We have a door, Xel!
Xelloss: I'd just like to announce a new team to join our little community! The Sinister Six!
Shadowman: They got back together!? Awesome!
Snakeman: All right! Some attitude!
Xelloss: That's right! And here they are!
(The door opens to let in....)
Bitman: Sweet pad ya gots here, Xel.
Sharkman: That thing got video games!? Doooood!
Bitman: Hellz, this place is awesome!
Xelloss: I do try.
Shadowman: Xelloss! What's the deal here?
Xelloss: What? I need to expand my community.
Shadowman: So you let these guys in? Willingly?
Torchman: Bah! Your words sting me not, for we are the superior team! And now that we have the facilities the world will see us for what we truly are!
Xelloss: Well, you'll just have to get along with each other.
Torchman: Not a problem, my benefactor!
Bitman: Yeah, we can swing it.
Oilman: This facility is well worth the effort to commune civilly with our greatest foes.
Waveman: I miss the dump.
Sharkman: Shut up, crybaby! This place ROCKS!
Shadowman: Anything else to announce, Xelloss?
Xelloss: Actually, yes. My research says that google is a very lucrative way of selling a business or service. SO from now on you're all required to put a link in every page of your site to the Mazoku Community to boost the place's page ranking on Google. This is now a term of service. Do it or else yer gone.
Shadowman: Right .... that's not so bad.
(Shadowman is knocked aside by Oilman.)
Oilman: Move over, Mech. We've rented a video and will use the big screen to watch it.
Sharkman: Yeah! Classic Pauly Shore! Doooooood!
Waveman: My life has just entered a new low.
(The next day, the Sinister Six and the 'Maniacs are all fighting over the TV....)
Torchman: It is our turn you wretched Mechs!
Hardman: Just because you say it's your turn doesn't make it so!
Blademan: We've had dibs! Didn't you see the sign-up sheet?
Snakeman: You made that thing up!
Blademan: But it was all approved of by Xelloss.
(Suddenly Xelloss appears.)
Xelloss: Hey, all! Howya been?
Snakeman: Xelloss! What's going on here?
Xelloss: Oh, the whole team didn't yell out this time?
Torchman: We can no longer share this facility with the Mechs! They are intruding on our designated time!
Bitman: Yeah, man.
Xelloss: A new facility is being prepared.
Xelloss: In the meantime, I have a new announcement. I've been chatting with Zelas and she thinks that making a top site listing for all of us here at the Mazoku Community would help get good ratings. So, from now on a new term of service is your participation in this project!
Snakeman: What!? A lame top site?
Xelloss: Yes, a top site. Just do it.
Shadowman: This wasn't part of the deal, Xelloss.
Xelloss: I have altered our deal. Pray I do not alter it further.
Xelloss: (coughs) heh heh. Frog in my throat! Now .... join the top site!
Shadowman: damn it....
(The following week, Xelloss finally makes the necessary changed to his bar.)
Xelloss: There. Now they can customize their own bar and "patron deny" people from their bar and not the Mazoku Community in general. Now to let the 'Maniacs know of this...
(Xelloss then appears to he team, who are in the middle of breakfast.)
Xelloss: I am tired of hearing all of this bitching. Gauntlet and the rest of you: we paid $200 to a contractor to have everything set up the way you wanted it. After countless problems that you've complained about and countless hours that I've spent trying to get all of the issues resolved you continue to bitch. Your stuck up attitude will not be tolerated, fuck you all! You also have 24 hours to decide to stop bitching and take the free services we're offering you or get the fuck off.
Xelloss: I'm sick of you fuckers being ungrateful for all the shit we go through to get you what you want at NO charge to you, and it has costed us the money for these services out of my pocket, and the time out of my busy life. You have 24 hours to calm the fuck down and take some time to appreciate what we've done, bending over backwards, to help you and keep your team going.
Xelloss: I'm done.
The 'Maniacs: ...!
(Spark Chan drops her spoon into her bowl of cereal.)
(The teams convene at Hardman's bar.)
Magnetman: What the Hell was that!?
Snakeman: That Xelloss guy is really pushing it! I say we just leave his Hellhole!
Hardman: No kiddin'. He's got a lotta nerve.
Topman: But, uh .... exactly where are we gonna move to? And how long will it take?
Snakeman: But the guy gives us nothing but crap!
Shadowman: *sigh* Well ... now that we can run our place like we want, we'll hopefully be able to ignore him and his bull. But his offer is still pretty good. I mean ... the rent is peanuts! Every landlord we'll come across will be a jerk. This, at least, is a jerk we know.
Hardman: Well .... you're the boss, boss.
(The next couple of days involve moving Hardman's Bar to Xelloss' Mazoku Community.)
Hardman: Damn it! Xelloss' controls don't work at all! What kind of crap is this?
Shadowman: Well, there's not much we can do. I'll make a list to give to Xelloss. So he can fix it.
Xelloss: What is this crap? Just move your bar!
Shadowman: Look, your controls don't work.
Xelloss: You must be using them wrong.
Shadowman: No, they don't work. Here's some photos.
Shadowman: We're not "bitching" we're telling you about the problems in your system. There's a lot of them.
Xelloss: .... Very well.
(And so, the problems are fixed and Hardman's Bar opens at the Mazoku Community.)
Xelloss: (Appearing out of nowhere!) Wow! The place looks great guys. It doesn't even look like the Mazoku Community!
Topman: (unenthusiastically) Thanks, Xelloss.
Xelloss: Now, aren't you glad you moved? (Disappears).
Hardman: .... ecstatic.
(Over the next few weeks, things go down hill....)
(Loud music is heard in the background.)
Shadowman: Can you turn it down?
Waveman: I need it to drown my depression out! It's for my sanity!
Snakeman: Aw, Hell. Nobody from the old place comes here anymore. All we get are guys like ... them!
Sharkman: Am I drunk yet? BARTENDERRR! More Beeeeeerz! More BEERZ!
Blademan: Right here! More beerz right here!
Ninja Gaiden: !@#$!! !@#$!! !@#$!!
XTSpark: This place is teh awsomz!
Spark Chan: I've been trying to get a hold of Xelloss to toughen up the rules .... but it's no good! These .... annoying people are infesting the place!
Topman: This place sucks!
Shadowman: It's time to go to the man's office!
(And so the 'Maniacs go to the office of Xelloss only to find ....)
Shadowman: Cut Chan!?
Britt: Hey, Gauntlet.... It's just "Britt" now, by the way.
Shadowman: You look like Hell! What's going on?
Britt: Xelloss asked me to help him out here and .... he just left! Xelloss just left and didn't give me all the administrative controls I need to run this place properly.
Spark Chan: Oh, no.
Britt: All the mods here don't listen to me .... I really wasn't prepared for all this. You gotta help me!
Shadowman: Sure, Quick. Let's get .... dangerous!
Needlegal: *slaps forehead*
(And, so begins a mass cleansing of the Mazoku Community ..... soon all the barbarians are barred at the gate.)
Torchman: You will rue the day you crossed us!
Bitman: We'll be back.
Snakeman: Shut it! (slams the door shut!)
Shadowman: And now we've gotten things running smoothly.
Britt: You bet!
Shadowman: And it's all thanks to you. I've never seen someone rise to the occasion. The last few months of newb wars were dreadful. To think Torchman has so many annoying accomplices ...
Xelloss: (Appears from out of nowhere) What .... did.... you ... do?
Britt: Ah, Xel! Well, we had to clean this place up a bit. Things were going to Hell.
Xelloss: Oh, were they?
Shadowman: You bet. This place was known as "a community fallen completely out of grace". But Britt here really pulled through. Why, she -
Xelloss: Yes, yes, I'm well aware of your .... activities. And things have to run a bit differently here.
Britt: Oh ... okay.
Xelloss: Yes. For starters, the current warnings system is hopelessly flawed. I'll need to install a new "infractions" system.
Britt: But .... what about the current warnings?
Xelloss: In the spirit of starting over, everyone will start off with a clean slate. Unbannings all 'round!
Hardman: But .... but they were banned for a reason!
Xelloss: Your rules are too harsh!
Britt: But you didn't have to deal with all the trouble!
Xelloss: Well, I'm sorry if I have a life!
Britt: We have lives too! But we're here and you're not.
Xelloss: Oh just .... do as I say!
(Xelloss disappears as the newbies flood the community.)
Torchman: We're back! Justice prevails!
Blademan: Storm the castle!
XTSpark: We RULZ!
NinjaGaiden: !@#$!! !@#$!! !@#$!!
Magnetman: Damn that Xelloss!
Britt: No! No!! The newbs are back! They're back! AHHHH!!!
(Cut Chan is swept away in the oncoming newbs!)
Snakeman: We gotta take action! This place is descending into chaos again!
Torchman: We will prevail for righteousness is on our side!
Shadowman: Looks like it's on again!
(Months later, the community is once again cleaned and its reputation is elevated among other communities. The scene begins to have a few "remembering the Sinister Six" events and parties. That's when .... Xelloss returns.)
Xelloss: Well, well. It looks like there's been more changes.
Britt: Yeah, we had to toughen things up. Again. Things really got out of hand while you've been gone. Again.
Xelloss: I want you all to know this has gone far enough. The dissolution of the Sinister Six isn't some sort of Megaman 9-11! It was a great team and we should respect it's memory. I want this Sinister Six mess cleaned up by the end of the month!
Britt: .... fine. Whatever. I guess we can't feel anything, can we? We have to be "professional."
Shadowman: Oh that's about it! I can't believe you, Xelloss! "Sinister Six mess"!? "Sinister Six mess"!? They were our friends!
Xelloss: I don't want it to become the community's 9-11! And I don't want it made into an overblown event in my community!
Shadowman: You dumbass! I can't believe you! Britt and the rest of us have been dealing with the mess you slung us into and this is how you treat us!?
Xelloss: Hey, I didn't disrespect your friends.
Shadowman: You called it a "mess"!
Xelloss: You're overreacting! Calm down!
Shadowman: Oh, that's it! We're outta here! And we're taking the bar with us!
Xelloss: What!? You can't do that!
Shadowman: Watch us! Come along, Britt.
Britt: Yeah! Screw this place. I put everything into cleaning it up and this is how I'm thanked?
Xelloss: I never asked you to clean it up! It wasn't even me who hired you! And ever since you took over Mazoku discussion has gone downhill! That's why people come here! Mazoku discussion! You cowards! You're all cowards! Men talk and work things out ... instead you just leave!? You ingrates! You can't do this to me! I was so generous to you all! GENEROUS!!
Xelloss: You want to leave!? Well, fine! This place is over! I'm sick of taking your shit! I just give and give .... you can keep your stupid bar! See if I care!
(In a brilliant flash of light the Mazoku community is sucked into the ground and soon there's no trace of it but a barren landscape....)
Blademan: Nooo! The Mazoku community!
Sharkman: But it was so cool! It was too young! Too ... young!
Torchman: You! (Points to the 'Maniacs and Britt.) This is your fault. You will rue this day! You will RUE IT!
(And so, Hardman's bar is reopened in it's former location. And soon, the 'Maniacs bring back .... an old friend.)
Shadowman: A little to the left.
(The technodrome topples over a skyscraper as it moves into position in between the buildings of Monsteropolis.)
Shadowman: A little more.
(The ground shudders and windows throughout the block break. Cars honk their horns as the movement destroyes several main roads and causes congestion throughout the city.)
Shadowman: Annnnnd ... we're good!
Geminiman: I can't believe we forgot about this place.
Needlegal: It's good to be away from the Mazoku Community.
Spark Chan: And just think .... everything was usually okay, but it always went downhill when Xelloss showed up.
Shadowman: He could've had a great community .... if only he kept out of it!
Snakeman: Well, I guess things turned out all right...
Needlegal: And we learned something too.
Geminiman: If it's about the spirit of the season, I'll puke.
Needlegal: We learned that sometimes people just aren't cut out to be community leaders. Xelloss actually had a pretty decent place, technically speaking. The facilities were great and he even got the bar working the way we wanted it. But his own personality did his entire project in.
Hardman: Come on, gang. There's a re-opening party goin' on and Cassandra's probably swamped with orders.
Topman: Well, until Xelloss reformats his personality, we are ..... The Mechanical Maniacs!
|Classi Cal as .....||
|Raijin as .....||
|Psycho Magnet as .....||
|Hadrian Howell as .....||
|Nightmare as .....||
|Lennon as .....||
|Kenta (Kassidy) Eigen as .....||
|Gauntlet as .....||