Hardman's Bar

By Hadrian Howell (Hardman)

Chapter 3

At some point in the morning, probably 10 am or so, I woke up, tired as hell. I'd gotten maybe 4 hours of sleep by now, so I was understandably a little grumpy. Part of that may have been due to the fact that I couldn't go back to sleep either.

My morning routine is something special to me. For instance, even though I'm a robot these days, I do love a warm shower. There's something relaxing about hot water hitting the top of your head and rushing down your back. True, I can barely tell temperatures through four inches of thick titanium, but it's been suggested there's some kind of ion release or something that's good for you. I just like a hot shower in the morning.

After drying off (Gauntlet gets SO pissed if I wander around the place with water dripping off of me) I have my morning shot, which usually consists of Crown Royal whiskey. A fine, fine drink if there ever was one. However, a downside to having been an alcoholic is that one shot tends to lose its hitting power as time goes by, so I had a can of Coke to back it up.

Ah, Coca-Cola. I needed a new addiction after I kicked (for the most part) the alcoholic thing, and Coke fit right in. Cheaper than booze, easier to get in 24 packs, and much less socially unacceptable. My only real problem with it is the fact that Top keeps hinting he thinks Pepsi is better. I hate cola wars.

By this point, I was splayed on the couch, stretching my back after a night of hunching over at the bar, and enjoying occasional sips from my can of carbonated bliss as I watched the minutes fly by, counting down when I'd have to return to my bar to feed everyone ELSE'S addiction to alcohol. I vaguely remember having to order more boxes of peanuts after two dozen boxes went missing somehow.

That's about the time the phone rang.

Now, around the base, I make it a point of not picking up the phone. There's a few reasons for this. The first is that we don't have caller ID, meaning that almost ANYONE could be on the other end, especially since our headquarters number got listed in the phone book somehow. I think we have Xelloss to blame for it, but nobody really knows. The second reason I avoid the phone is that no one ever calls ME on it. If someone wants to get a hold of me, they call the bar or visit it themselves.

The phone rang four times before a sleepy Geminiman wandered in and picked it up.

"Maniacs," he mumbled into the receiver. I watched his face, taking a sip from my Coke. A myriad of expressions played out over it as I watched. The first was annoyance, probably at me for not picking up the phone. The second came and went in an instant, which was a weird mix between confusion and having a bad taste in his mouth, followed closely by just plain confusion. "Wait, you're where? Oh, fine… I guess we'll be there in half an hour or something."

"What's up?" I asked.

"Another building got burned down, they want us to look into it."

"And you think we'll take a half hour to get there? Needle's still asleep as far as I know, as is Snake."

Gemini gave me a look that might've melted butter, and spoke into the receiver again. "Better make it an hour, just to be safe."

"I'll go knock on doors," I sighed as I rolled off the couch.

"You do that," he muttered as he made his way to the kitchen for something to wake himself up with.

On the way up the stairs to the individual bed rooms, I passed Topman. As the smallest member of the team, he had an easy time scooting around the largest member on the wide staircase. It was made easier by the face he was grinding down the stair railings.

"You are gonna kill yerself one a these days, kid," I called to his back as he slid down. I was rewarded with a grin.

"Not a chance, man," he managed before running out of railing. To his credit, he landed perfectly, still looking at me, but forgot about the wall behind him, falling over after rolling into it.

"You okay, bite size?" I asked, still making my way up the stairs.

"Shut up," was all I got back.

Chuckling, I arrived on the second floor and wandered down to Snake's room. The door was open, which was unusual, so I peeked around the corner. What I saw almost made me laugh, but not quite.

Splayed on what could be called his bed was Snakeman, with his feet on his pillow and his head hanging off the foot. On the floor, among a pile of savaged electronics, face down, was Needlegal. I had a fuzzy memory of Needle helping a very tired Snakeman to his room. She must have fallen asleep before getting out. OR she'd tripped and fallen and hadn't bothered to stand back up. Either way, the following was inevitable.

"Oy, get you two," I tried, softly at first. When that didn't work, I took a deep breath. "OY! WAKEY-WAKEY! RISE AND SHINE, YA SLACKERS!"

Thump thump thump thump CRACK thump thump thump.

"GOD SON OF A CHRIST BUCKET! OW!"

Five minutes later, a not too terribly apologetic Needlegal pulled… no, YANKED the last of her needles out of my FACE. Even when she's dead tired, that girl is still a crack shot. Snakeman had laughed himself all the way downstairs, and I followed him after the rather painful first aid. Needlegal assured me she'd be down in a second after freshening up.

Back down the stairs, and into the kitchen, I grabbed another can of coke out of the fridge, and an ice pack out of the freezer, which was applied to the numerous needle holes in my cheek and on my chin. I was greeted by a few noncommittal grunts from Magnetman, Gemini, Snakeman, and Sparkchan.

"Oy, where'd Boss go?" I asked through the ice pack.

"Hells if I know," Gemini shrugged. He looked at his hand and laid the cards in it down on the table. "Straight."

"Gay," Magnet scoffed, throwing his hand down.

"Beats me out," Snake sighed.

"Aw, all I have is two pair," Sparkchan grumped, laying her cards on the table.

"Looks like I don't have to make breakfast!" Gemini cried triumphantly.

"Look again, Gem," Magnet said with a smirk.

"What?"

"My two pair happens to be a pair of queens and, oh, look, a pair of queens."

"Oh, son of a-"

"I'll have my eggs scrambled, if you please, Gemini," Sparkchan gloated.

"I hate you guys," Gemini grumbled, getting up.

I checked the time after sharing the laugh with the rest. "Well, I better get going. I got to finish clean up and inventory at the bar."

"I am NOT working there today," Magnet told me with an angry finger.

"Me neither," Snake said.

"Spoilsports," I frowned, then looked at Sparkchan. "Good help's hard to find."

"Don't I know it," she smiled. "Have a good day."