Orchestrated By C.M. Rich (Magnetman)
By Raijin K
Is reading 200+ pages of fan fic getting you down on keeping up with War? Well, don't worry! These short summaries will give you all you need to bring you up to speed! Beware of spoilers, however, as these summaries do contain them (naturally).
Scenario A:(Toronto, ON, CN)
(Geminiman is evil again. He leads the SA into Toronto.)
(Toronto is a place with the CN Tower. Now it is a smouldering war zone.)
Geminiman: Now I shall knock down the CN Tower.
Drastic Measures: Not if we can stop it!
Artilleryman: Meanwhile, I have been hired by Cossack as a highly-skilled, badass mercenary.
(Gemini kills Artillery)
Artilleryman: Ouch! Thank god the check cleared first.
RESULTS: Gem wins Toronto. DM are traumatized. Artilleryman is a joke.
Scenario D:(San Diego, CA)
(Heatman joins the RPD)
Wait, what? I wanted to join the SA.
Shadowman: No you didn't, that doesn't even make sense. You're with me first.
Heatman: But I'm a rebel!
Shadowman: Shut up. Let's go.
(San Diego is a place with a beach. Now it is a smouldering war zone.)
Chimeraman: SCREEE-I mean-ROOOAARR!!
Flashman: Guys, I think I just saw Ridley!
(Wily's Warriors nearly crap themselves.)
Shadowman: I got these perfect disguises for us. We turn into Scissor Joes with the same vaguely-defined technology that allows humans to transform into Robot Masters and stuff.
Hardman: So...'s like holograms? Or...
Shadowman: No, you're physically transforming and taking on the properties of the Joe. It's like how the community member "Hadrian" became "Hardman".
Snakeman: Where does all the extra mass go?
Heatman: How come we don't use this tech more often? I thought I was stuck as a zippo.
Hardman: You mean I don't have to walk around in this big clunky form all the time?
Shadowman: Shut up. You know what? It's magic, alright? Let's go.
(The magic disguises try to make the Mechs brainwashed like real Scissor Joes)
Snakeman: Well, those were fun while they lasted. Too bad Hard was killed while a Joe.
Shadowman: He wasn't doing anything important anyway. Now, while we sneak into this SA base, stealth is of the utmost-
Heatman: Come and get me, f**kers! Yaahh!
Shadowman: Damnit, Ben!
Chimeraman: I will show you true power!
Heatman: Punitus Infirmus!
Shadowman: We can still blow up the reactor.
Quickman: Not if we blow it up faster!
Shadowman: Why would you?
Quickman: I think you mean, "Why did you?"
Namek The Base will explode...in FIVE MINUTES.
Flashman: With my Flash Stopper, that only gives us ten minutes! Plus another ten for dramatic effect!
WW/MM3: Let's get out of here!
Snakeman: Not so fast. Our teams have to fight a bit first.
Snakeman: Good, now let's get out of here!
Everyone: But Ben is still inside! Noooo!
Quickman: *voice cracking* Ben is dead...and it's all my fault!
RESULTS: Ben is dead, and it's all Quickman's fault. Shadow gets General Cutman's blueprints of exposition. Chimeraman barely had time to show off his kickass new design. San Diego is a hole in the ground.
Scenario C:(Pyongyang, N. Korea)
(Pyongyang is a place with the Arch of Triumph. Now it is a smouldering war zone.)
Skullman: Hey Omniman, go kill the RPD and the SA only. They have it out for Wily. Cossackers are your friends though. I am totally trustworthy and not manipulating you at all.
Omniman: RAAHH! I AM RASH AND EASILY DUPED!
(Skullman and Dustman fight Tenguman and Clownman and slaughter them with little effort)
Skullman: Wow, it's almost like they weren't fighting back at all.
Dustman: I can't hack this Watcher pad since it's DNA sensitive.
Skullman: Here, wear this dead Watcher's hands like gloves.
Dustman: No, that is the most disturbing thing ever.
Skullman: Do it anyway.
Dustman: Oh, alright.
(In a completely isolated case that will in no way be overused, the Cossackers shut down the RPD forces)
Drillman: Now all we have to do is fight the entire Scissor Army by ourselves and win.
(They do so)
Drillman: Is anyone seriously damaged?
Diveman: Just a few dents and scratches.
Drillman: Sweet. Now we can go cash in all the stuff we looted from dead bodies.
Skullman: And this one dead body itself!
Pharaohman: How are we going to get money for a corpse?
Skullman: We sell it to science.
Pharaohman: Sell? To Science?
Skullman: Yes. Science gives you money if you bring it corpses.
Drillman: I don't think it works that way, Zymeth.
Skullman: Trust me, I know science.
RESULTS: SA is slaughtered. RPD wakes up and chases off what's left of Wily's forces. Omniman finds out he's been tricked and holds a grudge, but still spies for Zymeth for some reason. CC wonder what all the "sacrifice" talk was supposed to mean.
Scenario I:(Berlin, Germany)
(Berlin is a place with a Special Forces factory under Scissor Army control.)
Gila Gladiators: The odds are against us, but we'll fight to the end anyway!
(The Ascendant Androids brutally defeat the GG)
Napalmman: Well, that was a fairly simple-OH NO CHARGEMAN IS OUT OF CONTROL!
(Chargeman smashes the factory)
Napalmman: Great, now I might as well raze the whole city.
RESULTS: Napalmman razes the whole city. The GG barely escape, but are all fixed and ready to go by the next stage.
Scenario F:(Edmonton, CN)
(Edmonton is a place in Canada. It is now a smouldering war zone)
(Makenshi and Deep Impact wait around for the action to start)
Wraithman: *insert biblical-themed rambling here*
(Makenshi and Deep Impact get ready for the action to start)
Wraithman: *insert biblical-themed rambling here*
(The action starts)
Wraithman: Wait, let's stop fighting for a moment and debate ethics, religion, and personal ideals.
(There is a lot of talking. Fighting resumes)
(More fighting. And it's over.)
RESULTS: RPD takes town. Wraithman loses, but gets Deep Impact infected with Evil Energy. Makenshi treats his SF bodyguards as friends. Deep Impact gets a bunch of scrap in addition to a healthy dose of evil.
Scenario G:(Mexico City, MX)
(Mexico City is the place that Naop wanted. Now it is a smouldering war zone)
Koala: We're hear to gather combat data on the Seven Mercs.
Pharon: They're kicking our ass!
Koala: Okay, we have enough data, let's get the hell out of here.
Saturn: 'Eya I'th' St'rdr'd th's d'cid'd ta wor' wi' th' Wily lot, righ'? Le's figh' th'm Sc'ss'r 'rmy a'ready.
Hyper Storm: I'll cut your head off with my sword! *cuts off Saturn's hand*
Saturn: Oh no! That hand contained all my apostrophes!
RESULTS: 7M conquer the city. Saturn and the Marsupial Bros. run home with their tails between their legs.
Scenario J:(Beijing, China)
(It is now a smouldering war zone)
Doc Robot: We will retrieve a nuclear weapon for Master!
Expressman: Aren't you in another Scenario tailing Spark Chan?
Doc Robot: I copied Multiman's power.
Multiman: Wait, you can do that?
Doc Robot: Forget I said anything.
RESULTS: WRF and Bass get a nuke for Wily. RPD and SA fight a heads or tails battle...let's say heads. RPD wins. CG get a cargo ship and sell it for an absurd amount.
Scenario H:(London, United Kingdom)
(London is a place with the Queen of England. Now it is a smouldering war zone)
Cossack: Slashman and Shademan, your mission is *insert briefing that amounts to repeating the data from the Scenario Generator here* so there is something non-specific happening there, and you have to find out what.
(Pride and Spark Chan wander around in London, save some innocent lives, and try to figure out why they are there)
Pride: You shouldn't waste your time helping that human woman.
Spark: You're mean.
Slashman and Shademan: We'll help you.
Spark: Hm? Why are you two here?
Slashman and Shademan: We don't know.
Pride: Maybe...we're supposed to rescue the Queen?
Spark: That's what the RPD are here for.
Pride: Well, let's look for her too.
Doc Robot: That Spark Chan is up to something. Doc Robot doesn't trust her!
(Slashman and Shademan fight in a random battle)
Spark: Umm...still no sign of the Queen, guys...
(Suddenly, Cutman shows up, and the Scenario is significant)
Cutman: Oh Spark Chan, won't you join me? Your daughter has.
Cutman:...so is that a no?
Doc Robot: She talks to the enemy! Doc Robot knew she couldn't be trusted!
RESULTS: RPD takes London. Spark is distraught. Pride, Slash, and Shade proudly accomplish nothing.
(Nonsteropolis is a place that is not Monsteropolis. Now it is a smouldering war zone.)
Mysteryman: Taking over this town should be easy since the Ascendant Androids nearly decimated it in the intro-er...some time after the intro...
Blizzardman: Time to enact some terrorism and pin it on the SA. It will be easy since the SA and RPD here are all morons.
Mysteryman: Illusion time! All your friends and loved ones are zombies.
(Blizardman brutally beats Mysteryman within an inch of his life.)
Ringman: I am here to...Why am I here? Oh, I'll just follow that guy in the headdress.
Tomahawkman: Wanna help me blow up RPD HQ?
RESULTS: SA takes over the city. RPD headquarters is bombed (but not THE headquarters). Mysteryman is humiliated miserably. Ringman and the Assassins get some Shutdown Code data from the RPD.
Scenario B:(Sao Paolo, Brazil)
Astroman: I must defend my hometown.
Cossack: No, you must defend this place instead. You would not be able to keep your cool in Mexico City. Plus, the Scenario Generator said so.
(Sao Paolo is a place with a race track. Now its factory district is a war zone.)
Vulcan: I am here and I exist.
(TT and F5 fight)
Astroman: Those Fatalists are all right.
RESULTS: RPD gets the city. TT gets a factory-fresh Special Forces unit. F5 do not get a lot of action. Vulcan smokes.
Scenario F:(Madrid, Spain)
(In the smouldering War Zone of Madrid, Protoman runs from the 7M)
Protoman: Curses, I'm a sitting duck by myself. My only hope is to do the one thing I had sworn never to do: betray my aloof loner status and ask for help.
(The Maniacs go to find him. Meanwhile Shadowman begins acting restless, irritable, and obsessive. He also starts to look suspiciously like Bizarro Shadowman)
Needlegal: Um, are you alright, Gauntlet?
Shadowman: I am perfectly normal! Leave me alone!
Hardman: Good 'nuff fer me.
Ringman: Protoman, you're coming with me. Wily wants you for some reason. He probably just wants your nuclear core. I don't really care, to be honest.
Protoman: You'll be in trouble when the Mechs come to help me.
Ringman: They're busy fighting the 7M. They won't be helping you.
Protoman: Oh. Well, I'll just have to escape on my own then.
Hardman: A'right! Me vs. Hyper Storm! Finally, a showdown o' th' big burly guys!
Hyper Storm: Yeah! Except I'm small and skinny.
Hardman: ...wait, what?
Hyper Storm: And I have a sword!
Snakeman: G, it's great that we're winning because you're hacking the enemy's brains and making our own troops into suicide bombers and all, but I'm worried that you're becoming slightly insane and evil.
Shadowman: Trust me, I knew what I was doing when I installed General Cutman's Genius Chip into myself. I'm not evil or insane at all.
(Shadowman tries to kill his friends and family. Then Topman comes out of nowhere and Top Spins some sense into him)
Topman: Well, until my next cameo, we are...the Mechanical Maniacs!
RESULTS: RPD wins, but with a lot of trouble to explain to Crorq. Shadowman is de-Geniused and bummed out. A captured and downgraded Hyper Storm joins the RPD. Protoman gets away. Ringman isn't very successful. Amatista is assigned as Mech Watcher. The 7M are in deep trouble with the General. Topman heads off on his own adventures. That's more than what usually happens in one scenario.
Scenario I:(Lima, Peru)
(Lima is a coastal city near some mountains and a rainforest. Now it is a smouldering war zone)
Cossack: Slashman and Shademan, your mission is *insert briefing that amounts to repeating the data from the Scenario Generator here* so go get some supplies.
Wily: Omniman and Golemman, your mission is *insert briefing that amounts to a lot of berating and ball-crushing* and don't muck it up this time!
Shademan: Hey Wilybots, would you be interested in a team up?
Omniman: You're not tricking me this time, Cossacker! Raahh! I'm still rash!
(A bomb shipment is set to blow up the whole city)
Shademan: I will carry this bomb out to sea, so the explosion will only consume myself, and the city will be spared.
Slashman: How heroic! Except the city is empty except for SA and Wily troops. Why don't we just escape together and let them burn?
Shademan: Good point...oh, did I mention there are innocent humans still in the city? They're trying to rebel against the SA.
Slashman: That's convenient. Better go sacrifice yourself then.
Omniman: Hey, we needed that bomb!
RESULTS: Shademan dies in a big explosion, the most popular way to die heroically. E8 get a new cannon for Wily as a cosolation prize. SA keeps a slightly burnt Lima.
Scenario D:(Rome, Italy)
(Rome has a colliseum. Now it is a smouldering war zone)
Pride: Hounds. Treasure. Grumpy.
Cosmic Gladiators: Salvage. Teleportation. Incompatibility.
Wraithman: Beethoven. Christianity. Siege Joes.
Pluto: Guys, I had to blow myself up, and now someone has to save my mind in a time limit before I die forever.
(They rescue Pluto)
Jupiter: Thank goodness, we all made it back all right.
Mars: Wraithman killed Mercury.
Jupiter: Oh. Well, hopefully Wraithman was at least damaged a lot by the explosion.
Mars: Mercury was just beaten and had his brain ripped out. There was no explosion.
All: *gasp!* A character died withut a huge explosion!?
RESULTS: Wraith wins Rome. CG lose a member, and Pluto is downgraded. Pride finds a powerful energy source for Wily to add to his WMD collection.
Scenario C:(Hong Kong)
(For this Scenario, the part of "Wily's Warrior #8" will be played by Mr.Whiz)
(Hong Kong has a harbour and mountains. It is now a smouldering war zone)
Starnik: Think of the clout we'll get if we take over Hong Kong.
Drastic Measures: Not if we can stop you!
(DM and WW fight)
Mesmerman: Hey, what are you guys doing wasting time on each other? I've got an evil misery-farming human death camp thing going on here.
Turboman: Leave us alone, we're busy.
(Mesmerman kills Freezeman)
Turboman: You bastard! I'll kill you!
(DM and WW work together. They sorta beat him)
Mesmerman: I could always come back, but the negative emotions aren't so thick here any more, so bye.
Turboman: Let's get out of here. It's over.
Cloudman: Shouldn't we get back to fighting Wily's Warriors? We'd be in big trouble if we just let them take over the city.
Turboman: That wouldn't be very honorable after they helped us, would it? Besides, we don't have any choice.
RESULTS: Wily conquers Hong Kong. You read that right. Mez has Freeze's mind.
Scenario J:(Cairo, Egypt)
(The two halves of the Armored Assassins team meet up on the battlefield...on opposite sides!)
Blizzardman: Opposite nothing. It's one massive team-up!
(Oh. Well, is anybody fighting the Gila Gladiators, at least?)
Blademan: Nope! We're all a strong, united front against lowly grunts in the SA and RPD.
Plantman: Let's go destroy a bunch of Special Forces together!
All: La la laa! A big happy familyyy!
(Nothing stands in their way)
RESULTS: Wily gets to keep Cairo since everyone else is destroyed. Armored Assassins on Cossack's side take back a damaged SF unit as a prize. Wily and Cossack don't seem to notice all the morally ambiguous team-ups.
Scenario H:(Anchorage, Alaska)
My name's Vulcan. Jack Vulcan. I used to lead the Ascendant Androids. Now I'm just some chain-smoking badass with a gun and a badge. Also, a sword. The Androids used to be my best friends, now they're giving the whole team a bad name with the Scissor Army. I don't have much to live for in this world, but I'll avenge my friends...if it's the last thing I do...
Makenshi: Hi there. You must be my partner for this mission.
Vulcan: Looks like it.
My name's Makenshi. Or should I say, Shiken Max. I used to be Waveman of the Ascendant Androids. It's been a while since I've seen Vulcan, but that was a different time and a different identity. I've had to obscure my identity in some inconsistent way for some reason. You see, I'm not the proudest guy on the face of the planet. Maybe I'm just running from myself...maybe...maybe we all are...
Makenshi: So anyway, I didn't get your name.
Vulcan: Uh...it's Vulcan.
Makenshi: Right, I've heard about you. My name's Ma-..x...Shiken...Max. Shiken Max.
Yeah, I knew it was Makenshi. It was pretty obvious. It's been a while since I saw the guy, it made me kinda nostalgic. I didn't know why he was putting on this act, but in my line of work you can't get to hung up on the "why" of things. We all have our secrets, and our reasons for wanting to keep them. I wasn't going to drag it out of him. If he really trusts me he'll let me in on it. All in due time, right? All in due time...
Vulcan: Well, let's head out, Max.
Makenshi: Maks!? Who's that? My name is Max.
Vulcan: ...That's what I said.
Makenshi: Oh...right. Yeah, let's go.
So far, so good. He doesn't suspect a thing.
So we were in a veritable AA reunion. Maybe this time, we-
Wait, which one of us is monologuing this part?
...I dunno. This scenario switches first-person subjects too much.
Well, it's just the two of us, how confusing can it be?
My name is Riff. I'm the leader of the Fatal-
Oh, HELL no.
Hey's it's only fair you guys.
I'm a Siege Joe. I haven't been in commission long, but I've already made an infamous reputation for myself.
I am...CRORQ! The Maaaagniiiificent! Mwah ha hah! HA hah hoo ha hah! Kyaah hah ha ha haaah!
I am Special Forces Unit SF-6502. Why does special human officer Makenshi insist on calling me "Donald"? Why does he insist we call him "Shiken"?
RESULTS: I summarize the ending. It's not an easy job in a scenario like this, but I do what I gotta do. The RPD succeeded in defending the Alaska pipeline despite the appearance of Siege Joes, and the Fatal Five kinda lingered in the background again. But enough about them...I'm just a results summary stuck in the wrong place at the wrong time. When will this war end? Am I doing the right thing? Am I being too snarky? Not snarky enough? It's never easy...no, never easy...
Scenario A:(Johannesburg, South Africa)
Cossack: Now Astroman, I know you're sore about the Marsupial Brothers losing your hometown to the SA while I sent you somewhere else, but this time I'm sending you to Joh-
Astroman: Screw the random scenario generator! We're going to defend Groundman's homeland in South Africa!
Cossack: Umm...okay. I guess I can't stop you.
(The Ascendant Androids procure plutonium from a laboratory while the TT rescue its human staff, including family friends of Groundman. The TT are brutally beaten by the AA in battle.)
Napalmman: What a bunch of chumps, you don't stand a-OH NO CHARGEMAN IS OUT OF CONTROL AGAIN!
(Chargeman nearly stomps all over the plutonium lab. AA and TT begrudgingly work together to prevent their nuclear annihilation.)
Gravityman: I could crush you all in an instant with a mere thought.
Astroman: Why don't you then?
Gravityman: It's too much fun playing with you.
(Astroman Astro Crushes Gravityman)
Astroman: You're right, that was fun.
RESULTS: AA get plutonium. TT get out with their lives. Area is left alone since there's nothing there worth controlling any more.
Scenario E:(St. Petersburg, Russia)
Drillman: I got a reading that the SA’s at the Смолнй.
Bright Babe: The what?
Drillman: Didn't you hear me? I said Смолнй!
Dustman: ...how's that pronounced?
Drillman: You can't tell? We're all Russians here, aren't we?
Pharaohman: I guess so, but it's weird that we speak english all the time, and then suddenly a word in cyrillic pops up out of nowhere.
Drillman: Then it's settled, to the Смолнй!
Mysteryman: This time, I will really traumatize those Cossackers! Now what's the most morbid illusion I can come up with?
(Diveman blows up a bridge and kills innocent people without remorse)
(Skullman is Skullman)
Mysteryman: Damnit, I have nothing on these guys.
Governor: Well Comrades, you've saved us all. I suppose the least I can do is let you all go free instead of turning you in to the RPD.
Mysteryman: Oh, that's a good idea. *illusions up the CC as bad guys*
Governor: The CC are evil! Get them RPD!
(Saturn knocks out the governor and uses her hand to operate a Watcher Pad and shut down all the RPD...again)
Skullman: It would have been much easier if you just cut off her hands and used them as gloves.
Saturn: Shh. You don't know about this.
RESULTS: RPD wakes up to take the city. Mysteryman gets brutally beaten again. Cutman demotes him for being a loser.
Scenario B:(Cape Canaveral, Florida, US)
(Geminiman gets his own Holy Order; Joes modified with his invisibility mode and holographic Geminiman disguises)
Geminiman: A whole army of me. What more could I want? Well...maybe...
(Meanwhile, Spark Chan and Bass go to Gem's location to retrieve something for Wily)
Geminiman: Yes! Now all I need is for Shadowman to kiss my butt and a harem of SA Hoes and I can die happy.
Doc Robot: That Spark woman is up to something, I just know it!
Expressman: Why'd you have to drag us along on your stalking this time?
Spark Chan: What are we here to retrieve, Forte?
Bass: Stop calling me that, stupid! Everyone else calls me Bass! And just mind your own business, you troublesome wench!
Spark Chan: Sorry, but I need to know what I'm supposed to find, and these numbers look suspicious...
Bass: Speak up, coward! Don't ask so many questions, idiot! Go get those innocent, totally-not-radioactive containers, patsy!
Spark Chan: Stop being so mean, Bass!
Bass: That's Forte to you, brat!
(Bass does a lot of fighting and insulting, because that's what he does)
Geminiman: My beloved! I shall kill everything between us and we shall be together forever whather you want to or not!
Spark Chan: *wide-eyed, disbelieving horror*
Geminiman: Are you upset? Was it something I said?
Doc Robot: See? See? I am not crazy! She is in league with the enemy!
Multiman: Whatever you say, Doc.
(Spark and Gem are buried alive together)
Spark Chan: Oh Lenny, can't our friendship allow you to break free of your twisted state of mind for a moment and partially redeem yourself?
Geminiman: Yes! *saves the day*
Spark Chan: Yay!
Geminiman: Moment passed. Now I'm crazy again! Mwah ha ha ha haa!
Spark Chan: Eek!
RESULTS: SA takes Cape Canaveral. Team Wily is not entirely slaughtered by the Holy Order. The WRF pick up nuclear device blueprints for Wily despite Spark's attempts to sabotage the mission. Gemini needs to do us all a favor and go bone himself some SA Hoes.
Scenario G:(Osaka, Japan)
Clownman: War is depressing. *SAD CLOWN*
Tenguman: It is difficult being separated from our team....oh there they are.
Clownman: Guess we have to fight them for being rebels though. Might as well put on a good show.
(They pretend to fight)
Clownman: Now that that's over with, how's things with you guys?
Searchman: Good, good. Can't complain. *shoots Clownman*
Clownman: Ow! What the hell, man!?
Pharon: Sorry, he's gone a bit evil. If you'll excuse us. *Cossackers run off*
Clownman: Why must War make friends fight? *SAD CLOWN*
Grenademan: Pretty straightforward salvage mission. With this chip, we have all the money in this bank!
(Searchman shoots the chip)
Grenademan:...Son of a-!
(Everyone on the team shoots each other and eventually goes home in failure)
Aquaman: Dr. Cossack, it's terrible! We're infected with Evil Energy and it's making us sabotage our own efforts!
Cossack: I'm too busy to deal with that now. I'll chew you out next Stage.
RESULTS: Some more Siege Joes come in and help the SA conquer Osaka while Tengu and Clown are busy being sad. The rest of Deep Impact are in deep something else. The Marsupial Brothers fail their second mission in a row.
Scenario G:(Rothenburg ob der Tauber, Germany)
(Mesmerman corners the CC and Makenshi, possesses them, and gives them all horrifying mindtrips)
Drillman: Nooo! My whole team is dead!
Bright Babe: Nooo! I'm watching a play where my whole team is dead! And I'm the one killing them!
Pharaohman: Nooo! I can't stop my teammates from being killed! Just the female members though...Apparently I have a chauvinistic subconscious.
Dustman: Nooo! Everyone's dead or evil! But it turns out my dream's version of Mesmerman is basically Mysteryman, so I can outwit him and fight against him just by realizing what I'm seeing are illusions.
Mesmerman: My powers don't work that way...
Diveman: Nooo! My whole team is dead! And I'm playing Silent Hill!
Toadgirl: Nooo! My whole team is trying to kill ME!
Skullman: Nooo! My true love from my past life is dead! Again!
Makenshi: Nooo! My true love from my past life is dead! Again!
Mesmerman: Well that was fun. Let's do it again some time.
RESULTS: City is destroyed by SA. Maks and the CC run off to Scenario J. Spark Chan was there too, but was nice and quiet about it.
Scenario H:(Murmansk, Russia)
Blizzardman: Ah, the home-field advantage. Here in the snowy environment of northern Russia, I shall be unequaled in combat!
(Punk kills Blizzardman)
Armored Assassins: Nooo!
(Knightman kills Punk)
Doc Robot: Go! Mad Grinder!
(Tomahawkman corners an RPD Watcher)
Tomahawkman: Now shut down your troops or I'll kill you.
Watcher: Seriously? Again!? This is the third stage in a row this has happened!
Tomahawkman: Hey, this is a Metal Gear reference. That means it's perfectly all right and everyone will love me for it.
RESULTS: Wily wins the area thanks to the Armored Assassins' help. Blizzardman is perfectly fine. 7M are humiliated again. The RPD fires another Watcher.
Scenario I:(Kalingrad, Russia)
Cossack: Cosmic Gladiators, I want you to do another team up with Wily's Forces. That's always a good idea!
Flashman: Metalman did something stupid and/or insane again.
Quickman: I am sighing in exasperation though the situation is in fact uproariously hilarious.
Foxglove: Damn the RPD which I have dedicated my professional life to. They aren't sending reinfocements to my town. I might as well throw all my hope on the WW and CG.
Jupiter: I understand Geminiman is weak to acid. Where are we going to get a lot of acid?
Pluto: Hey guys! I found a big truck full of acid!
Jupiter: I guess that'll have to do.
Geminiman: Oh Quickman, can't you keep up with MY speed? I'm right here.
Geminiman: Or am I here?
Geminiman: Now I'm here.
Quickman: How can he be so fast!? It's almost like he's in several places at once! But this is Geminiman! It doesn't make sense! I'm so confused!
Ringman: It's a good thing I recently developed my newest Trick Ring, the...lessee, Portal Ring...Bondage Ring...Engagement Ring...Bat-Shark-Repellant Ring...Deus Ex Machina Ring...Ah! Here it is, the Vision Ring! Lets me see through your invisibility!
Geminiman: So I cannot use my Holy Order to confuse you any more? Great, now I just have to use them as a massive army that completely outnumbers you. *sigh*
Woodman: Solar Laser!
(Geminiman is defeated)
Foxglove: I'm so grateful I'm going to give Cossack my life savings and abandon my job for conspiring with the enemy. Yay!
Cossack: Cosmic Gladiators, how DARE you team up with Wily's Forces!? I hate that guy! No more team ups!
RESULTS: Wily takes over Kalingrad. Foxglove is ruined and couldn't be happier.
Scenario D:(Monte Carlo, Monaco)
Crorq: Mechanical Maniacs, you suck! Shadowman is demoted and I'm making this robot-hating activist that tried to kill you a while ago your new Watcher. Also you need a new leader...umm...Needlegal.
Needlegal: Yes! Maybe now I'll get some character development!
Crorq: I wouldn't count on it. And you, Drastic Measures! You suck too! Now go on your mission!
(Monte Carlo is a place with the Casino Royale. Now it is a smouldering war zone...and the humans are all cyborg zombies...and all the troops have gone insane...and there's a mysterious barrier with robot corpses piled at the edge...and SA cultists...and about 30 years have passed...lotsa creepy stuff going on...damn, what the hell happened?)
Mesmerman: It was me!
Shadowman: Wait, you're not Mesmerman.
Xellos: You're right, it was me!
Turboman: Aw, I wanted revenge against Mesmerman.
RESULTS: Area is freed from Xellos' control, RPD moves in. All the humans are dead though. MM3 and DM are fine, if not a little traumatized. Xellos is fine too, but is done screwing with people for now. Amatista still hates robots.
Scenario E:(Chelyabinsk, Russia)
Riff: Hey, General Cutman is here in person. Let's assassinate him.
Astroman: It's worth a shot.
(Cutman brutally slaughters everyone)
RESULTS: SA wins. TT and F5 lose. Cossack has just about had it with team-ups. At least they find out about Cutman's aversion to lightning...which he apparently has for some reason.
Scenario F:(Lisbon, Portugal)
Plantman: We are invincible. We can take on the entire Scissor Army and RPD by ourselves again.
Saturn: Aren't you worried about being overconfident?
Plantman: Nothing could possibly go wrong.
(Flameman and Yamatoman are overrun by the SA)
Plantman: Oh, forget about them, now let's leave.
Saturn: Not yet, I must avenge my accent! Hand for a hand, Hyper Storm! *cuts off Hyper Storm's hand*
Hyper Storm: Pfft. I don't have time to deal with YOU. I've got bigger fish to fry. *walks away*
Saturn: Dude, I just cut off your hand. Aren't you even mad?
Hyper Storm: I'm too cool to be mad.
RESULTS: City is...split 50/50 between RPD and SA? Lame! Hyper Storm is too busy acting cool do so anything of effect. SA gets Flame and Yamato's remains. Wily forces return home in failure.
Scenario B:(Bath, Illinois)
Dash:...where in the hell?
Naop: Some place in Indiana, apparently.
Dash: No, it's Idaho.
Naop: Well, wherever it is, we need to think of something to be doing there.
Dash:...I got nothin'
Naop:...me neither. Maybe on the day of the deadline I'll have something.
(two weeks later)
Naop:...Nope, still nothing. How about you?...Dash? You there?...huh.
Gauntlet: Oh for God's sake. I'll do it.
(Bath is a place with...well it's in the United States...Iowa, I think...and it has a population of some kind...I'm sure it's a very nice place to live. Anyway now it is a smouldering...oh wait, it's perfectly fine. How mysterious)
Tenguman: There's something strange about Bath, but nobody believes us. We'll have to investigate it alone.
Clownman: Aha! A secret underground SA Joe factory! What a scoop!
Mysteryman: Oh hell no, I can't miserably fail THIS mission, it's way too simple.
(Tenguman attacks Clownman due to Mysteryman illusioning Clown into an enemy unit)
Crorq: They went where? Ohio? Whatever. They disobeyed orders, so I'm shutting them down.
RESULTS: Clown and Tengu are shut down and trapped in SA territory. SA retains its hidden base under that obscure town in Wyoming. Mysteryman finally does something right. An impressive record is set for a scenario missing the deadline by barely even starting the planning stage.
Scenario A:(Baoding, China)
Aquaman: Okay, our last mission was a bit of a flop because of that Evil Energy thing, but if we stay out of battle, concentrate on salvage, and control our tempers, everything will be just-
Frostman: RAAGGGHH! CRUSH! KILL! DESTROY!
Swordman: CUT! BURN! REND!
Searchman: EXPLODE! WILY! BANZAI!
Koala: I'm so depressed with how this War is going. I think I'm going to surrender.
Pharon: How can you say that? We must never surrender!
(The RPD surround Pharon)
Pharon: I surrender.
Omniman: Cossackers! You won't ruin things for me again!
Aquaman: Dude, we're not doing anything!
Omniman: That's what you always say!
(Deep Impact runs away)
Omniman: Hey! Get back here so I can stop you from getting in my way!...Oh wait...
RESULTS: Omniman and Golemman actually have a successful mission and bring Wily blueprints for RPD Neo Officer Bots. Deep Impact are still functioning despite all logic. Pharon joins the RPD, Koala doesn't. SA take the city.
Scenario J:(Izhevsk, Russia)
(The Ascendant Androids invade Izhevsk! Vulcan, Slashman, Makenshi, and the CC converge to stop them)
Vulcan: So, at last the MM5 team is reunited. The time is now...
Napalmman: Heh. So, you're gonna defeat us and avenge your teammates now?
Vulcan: NOT just yet! FIRST, you're going to listen to my speech about our differing ideologies!
Napalmman: You're not serious, are you?
Vulcan: Blah blah blah heartless blah blah blah Nazis blah blah blah...
Crystalchan: Wow, he really has a speech alright.
Vulcan: Blah blah blah humanity blah blah blah vicious cycle blah blah blah...
Napalmman: Oh man...he's still going...
Vulcan: Blah blah blah happiness blah blah blah hypocrisy blah blah blah...
Crystalchan: Why haven't we SHOT him yet?
Vulcan: Blah blah blah evil blah blah blah evolution blah blah blah...
Vulcan: And that's why you should all be ashamed of yourselves.
Napalmman: ...Get 'im!
(There is a lot of emotionally-charged fighting between counterparts. Diveman lets more innocent people die without remorse. Vulcan still loves Crys. Gravityman still lets people hit him without using his full power)
So that's the end of-OH NO CHARGEMAN IS OUT OF CONTROL AGAIN!
RESULTS: The AA are defeated but the SA still conquer the area. Vulcan and Makenshi still have angsty unfinished business with the evil Androids. Somewhere in all the action, Napalmman found the location of Cossack's Citadel.
Scenario C:(Sharm El-Sheikh, Egypt)
(It takes place in an ancient tomb)
Gila Gladiators: Let's go in here to fight Wraithman.
Wraithman: Let's go in here to fight the Gila Gladiators.
(They fight. Wraithman wins and rubs it in by crucifying the GG in front of Skull Castle)
Wraithman: Wait, why am I doing this? It's mean.
(Wraithman helps the GG down)
RESULTS: SA takes Sharm El-Sheikh. GG lose again. Wraithman is confusing
Scenario E:(Brussels, Belgium)
(The Mechanical Maniacs are sent to liberate Brussels from Wily Rescue Force occupation, but it turns out the WRF are being good guys and everyone loves them)
Doc Robot: Not being evil feels so wrong.
Expressman: I'm kinda enjoying it.
Needlegal: Aw, what a let down.
Amatista: Mission's not over! Destroy all enemies!
(The soulless new Magnetman arrives and begins taking apart the city with his unstoppable powers)
Hardman: Ugh. This bites. Guess we shoul' jus' retreat.
Amatista: Not when there are still Wilybots to kill! Onward! Snakeman, kill Spark Chan! She wrecked my weapons!
Snakeman: But I don't want to.
Amatista: Then you die instead! *shuts Snakeman down*
(The WRF can only evacuate a portion of the humans safely. Magnetman levels the place)
Amatista: Now get lost you stinkin' Wilybots! This is RPD territory now!
Shadowman: This was the worst mission ever.
Amatista: Are you kidding? I really enjoyed myself. We should do this again sometime.
RESULTS: RPD takes Brussels, though the people would prefer the WRF. Snake is down for the count. Amatista is more of a bitch than ever. The WRF go back to being bad. Spark Chan didn't even get to meet the other Mechs while she was busy being a plot device.
Scenario D:(Bergen, Norway)
Crorq: Infidels! INFIDELS! IIIINFIDELS! Infidels infidels infidels. Infidels? Infidels, infidels infidels. IIIIINNNNFIIIDELLLSSS!!
Drastic Measures: Yes sir.
(Drastic Measures and Makenshi go to Bergen to rescue and protect some jerk politician that's partially responsible for the Shutdown Code)
Burstgirl: Aw, what a jerk! I wanna smash his face in! It's shutdown advocates like him that make being a robot so difficult these days!
Watcher Spiegel: It's casual homicidal attitudes like yours that make people advocate the Shutdown Act.
Burstgirl: No, it's...well, I guess that makes sense...but the Shutdown Act is evil! And I wanna find every human that thinks it's a good idea and tear them limb from limb!
(The Fatal Five and Saturn are there as well to investigate mysterious robot activity or something. Turns out a mad scientist made himself and a bunch of animals into deadly cyborgs in a hidden underwater lab)
Dr. Wolfland: Those Shutdown advocating fools. I have the soul of a human. At a time I was completely human! Now just because I have greatly enhanced physical strength, speed, and stamina, built-in artillery, claws, and armor, and tend to murder or mutilate innocent people from time to time, that means I have to give up my freedom to the Shutdown Code?
Burstgirl: I know, right?
(There is lots of creepiness. The F5 and DM don't get along at all for vaguely defined reasons, but at least there isn't another team-up. There is fighting of cyborg animals and super-cyborg Wolfland)
Wolfland: Spiegel...I am your father!
Spiegel: That's not true, that's impossible!
Wolfland: and I dug up your mother and brother's corpses, cyberized them, and put them in these jars!
Spiegel: ...oh come on, was that really necessary?
(The lab is destroyed. Spiegel kills Wolfland. The DM escaped to the surface. The Fatal Five mounted a bionic shark and rode it to safety (God, that's fun to say). The asshole politician guy was saved)
Senator Hugo: I hate robots! I'm not the least bit grateful! Grr bah grahh!
Burstgirl: Come here you little turd! *beats him within an inch of his life*
Turboman: Heh heh. That's our Burstgirl!
RESULTS: RPD takes Bergen. Spiegel is nice and only pretends to shut Burstgirl down. The Fatal Five mounted a bionic shark and rode it to safety. Saturn ditches Wily and goes back to his team. The Fatal Five mounted a bionic shark and rode it to safety.
Scenario C:(Niagra Falls, CN)
(Niagra Falls is a place with big waterfalls. Now it is a smouldering war zone)
Plantman: I am sooo great. I can't begin to describe how awesome I am. Watch me destroy enemy RPD units with one shot without even looking at them.
Heatman: Well, I'm here. I wanna die. Gonna go blow up the city now.
Plantman: I would be more surprised, but I'm just too cool and confident. Just from looking at him, I can determine that he will most likely destroy the entire city in more or less exactly 45 minutes.
Windman: How did you figure that out, again?
Plantman: Weren't you listening? I'm awesome! I'm on first-name basis with Dr.Wily. He looks up to me.
(A mysterious new character appears on the scene!)
Tempest: My master has charged me with fighting in this War on the side of good. He'll be around shortly.
(Another mysterious new character appears on the scene!)
Nox: Hi, I'm magic.
Plantman: I'm incredible. Seriously. I used to be a god. I'm not that powerful any more of course. I'm still better than all of you though.
Windman: We have to evacuate the entire city in less than an hour.
Tempest: I agree, but that sounds physically impossible.
Plantman: Not when you're dealing with me. Listen, I am perfect. We will save everyone in the city.
Pharon and Hyperstorm: Not if we can stop you!
(The Loners fight against the Wilybots. The city is still evacuated in the nick of time)
Plantman: No, listen to me...I...am...amazing. I don't think everyone understands that enough.
Nox: And to escape the teleportation barrier...magic!
(Nox magics everyone to safety)
Nox: Whew...anyway, I wanna join the RPD.
Plantman: I mean it. I'm the best. You know the big overpowered Blizzardman on my team that holds my weakness? I could totally beat him up if I wanted.
RESULTS: Nox and his summons join the RPD. Niagra Falls is nuked by Heatman.
Scenario B:(Skull Castle)
Wily: You know what we need? A big meeting of commanders where we recap everything that's happened so far. That should be interesting.
(Everyone gives reports, except Blademan who gives a detailed play-by-play)
Wily: Well that was boring and pointless. You know what we really need to do? Go blow up Monsteropolis with atomic Multimen!
Flashman: A bunch of human refugees wanna crash at the castle.
Wily: Huh?...Yeah, sure. Whatever.
Spark Chan: Oh no, Wily is still evil! Even my womanly charms won't convince him to call off the attack!
Quickman: Neither will mine!
Flashman: Maybe I can help! And in the process I can drop hints of my totally mysterious and awesome background story.
Quickman: No one cares, Cyros.
(While Henry gets Wily drunk and distracted, Spark Chan and the Warriors fight against Bass, Pride, Mr.Whiz, Doc Robot, and the E8 in order to stop them from reaching Monsteropolis. They rig a teleportation blocker to warp all the Multimen into space where they detonate harmlessly)
Spark Chan: Ah, the world is safe and everyhting is back to normal.
Wily: What happened?...My plan! My beautiful plaaan! Who did this? Spark Chan? How could you? Warriors! You worthless traitors!
Quickman:...man, wish we had more time to think this one through.
RESULTS: Wily loses a good chunk of his nuclear pile. The good Wilybots are in hot water with the big man. Apparently there are a bunch of refugees slumming around the Castle's basement now. Meanwhile, Ringman and the GG recover Wavegirl.
Scenario A:(Cossack's Citadel)
(Artilleryman is rebuilt)
Artilleryman: Thanks for the new look. Now where's my money? ...no? Well, it was worth a shot.
Napalmman: Alright grunts, these commie chumps don't stand a chance, and you know why? Because we are the superior army in every way! They're a disorganized mass of rebels while we're a unified force of obedience and loyalty! Now let's hear a "Sir, Yes Sir!"
Geminiman: Your strategy stinks. I have a better one.
Quint: I would make a much better leader.
Sedulus: My superior intelligence has determined that you are all inferior to me.
Gravityman: Let's all ignore Napalm and do our own thing!
(Cutman arrives and the invasion begins. While Cutman hunts down Cossack with an entourage of bodyguards, Napalm and Gemini are placed on guard duty while the heavy units go to breach the outer walls. Geminiman has a rematch against Artilleryman and this time Artilleryman is winning. Quint still thinks he's good at strategy and hunts down snipers in the woods but gets hopelessly beaten by Tomahawkman and Searchman. Grenademan and Dustman have to contend with Crystalcha-OH MY GOD CHARGEMAN IS OUT OF CONTROL AGAIN! Meanwhile, Koala is a sniveling surrendering coward, and so is Blizzardman but the former manages to be more pathetic about it. Jupiter and Tenguman defeat Gyroman offscreen, how lame. Pharaohman and Sunstar manage to defeat Gravityman with the help of Bright and Uranus with great difficulty. The ice Cossackers lay the cold on Waveman while the water Cossackers lay the wet on Stoneman. Mysteryman actually does a lot and doesn't suck for once. Wraithman focuses solely on Skullman. Frostman joins the SA apparently. Spade kills and humiliates CG members, not necessarily in that order. Sedulus interjects a lot. And there's a MysteryJoe disguised as one of the Russian scientists that spies on them, and Toadgirl goes back and forth between abandoning her friends and dying with them in a confusing way, and Kalinka is separated from her father and oh god damnit this is way too long...)
Summary of the Summary
(Lots of fighting. Cossack dies)
RESULTS: Citadel's gone. Cossack and CC are DEAD! Frostman, Koala, and Skullman are taken by the SA. Kalinka runs the new Cossack faction on the run.
(Author's character monologues about his/her feelings, reflections,
and general angst over the course of the War)
RESULTS: Nothing important.
Scenario B:(Toronto, Canada)
(Some mysterious people do something mysterious to Snakeman's corpse at RPDHQ)
(No longer a smouldering war zone, Toronto has been rebuilt in the SA's image)
Evil Super Koala: So this is what it's like when the SA settles in and devotes itself to construction rather than destruction? It's kinda creepy, but certainly peaceful and efficient. I suppose it really is an utopia.
Cutman: Okay, we're moving out.
Koala: What? Everyone? But we just finished moving in.
Cutman: Need my soldiers on the battlefield. Just abandon it.
Kalinka: Artilleryman, go capture that traitor Super Koala. You'll get paid this time, honest.
Artilleryman: Here you go.
Kalinka: ...that's not Koala. That's Ringman.
Artilleryman: That's even better, isn't it?
Kalinka: I guess... *tortures Ringman*
Needlegal: Damn, that was an epic battle. I sure kicked that giant monster koala's ass though!
Pharon: Hey, I heard you guys rescued my brother!
RESULTS: Bath and Toronto are captured by the RPD. Kalinka turns Ringman to scrap. Artilleryman still doesn't get paid. Amatista is slightly less of a bitch. The reunited Marsupial Brothers retire from War.
Scenario C:(Nonsteropolis, USA (SA))
(The Scissor Army controls the city!)
Drastic Measures: Not if we can stop it!
(Everyone but Junkman dies)
Junkman: Noo! My team can't be dead, can they?
Watcher Riley: Well, Burst got shot through the neck, Spring was stabbed in the back, Turboman was lanced by Omniman, and Cloudman was smashed by Golemman...Seem like easily reparable damages to me.
Junkman: They're all dead...if only there was more I could do...
Riley: Seriously, don't you robots get torn up more than that on a daily basis and get back up just fine the next day? I mean you should see Needlegal from the last scenario...
Junkman: All gone, never to rise again...Oh cruel fate!
RESULTS: Nonsteropolis is reclaimed by the RPD. However most of Drastic Measures were removed from War...maybe? The Evil Eight were supposed to capture SA Joes for Wily to reprogram, but they were defeated in a double-death duel with Turbo and Cloud, so they probably failed. Omni and Golem are still alive though.
Scenario E:(Murmansk, Russia)
(Wily's territory is invaded by the SA and their new Frost Joes)
Spade: Yo ho ho! I'm a pirate!
(wacky Spade-related hijinks ensue)
Sedulus: You have no hope of defeating me, Fatal Five. My perfect brain has accounted for any possible strategy one can use against me.
Lento: Slow Shot! *immobilizes Sedulus*
Sedulus: Note to self: plan for time-manipulation strategy on next upgrade.
(wacky Spade-related hijinks are still ensuing)
Warpman: I guess while they're distracted, I can just blow them up then.
Scissor Joe: Sedulus and Spade were defeated and have not returned to base, sir. Should we hunt them down and torture them for trying to abandon the Scissor Army?
Cutman: Nah, I don't really care.
RESULTS: F5 keep Murmansk for Wily. Spade and Sedulus are removed from War. Noguchi and Silver Feather (who?...War Journal? Bah.) gather scrap for Cossack.
Scenario J:(Kuwait City, Kuwait)
(Kuwait is a place with oil fields. Now it is a smouldering war zone.)
Napalmman: So, no one but Deep Impact to oppose us? Perfect. This mission should go off without a hitch. Yes, for once, absolutely nothing can possibly go wr-OH MY GOD CHARGEMAN IS OUT OF CONTROL AGAIN!
Waveman: It's okay, he was killed.
Napalmman: Whew. Finally.
Crystalchan: Who killed him?
Clownman: It was me!
Searchman: Wait, you're not Clownman.
Mesmerman: You're right, it was me!
Napalmman: Traitor!...Oh crap, we'd better warn the boss!
(The AA retreat)
Mesmerman: So do I get a thank you?
Grenademan: You couldn't have revealed yourself and chased them away before Astro and Sword were killed?
Mesmerman: Remember...now you owe me! Hee hee hee heh heh hehhh...
Grenademan: ...You couldn't have revealed yourself and chased them away after they killed the rest of us?
RESULTS: Mesmerman has betrayed the SA! Chargeman's out of War permanently. So are Astrochan and Swordman...maybe? Mesmer has the rest of Deep Impact in his sinister clutches now. Cutman still doesn't appreciate anything Napalmman does for him.
Scenario D:(Cairo and Kalingrad)
Jupiter: Now that Saturn's back on Cossack's side, it looks like the Cosmic Gladiators are finally reunited! Where's Sunstar and Dark Moon?
Saturn: Ran into them on my way out of Wily's. Guess they joined him.
Jupiter: Aw, come on!
(Cairo is being defended for Wily by Sunstar and Dark Moon. The rest of CG go there to capture Skullman)
Sunstar: Well, long time no see, guys.
Saturn: It's been a month. Oh crap, Skullman!
(Skullman destroys Cairo)
Jupiter: Good thing we escaped to Kalingrad in time. Where's Sunstar and Dark Moon?
(Kalingrad is being defended for Wily by the Armored Assassins. The TT go there to capture Frostman)
Blizzardman: I blame Zapper's death entirely on Naop. I must avenge Zapper by tricking Naop by helping him, and then killing him. Oh, how I miss Zapper.
(After Frostman is defeated)
Naop: Well, glad there's no hard feelings, Regulus. We'll be going now.
Blizzardman: Attack, White Devil! For Zapper! Zapper Zapper Zapper!
Cossack and Cossack's Comrades: Guess what, we were never dead!
Blizzardman: Suddenly I am sane again! Sorry Naop.
Naop:...yeah...no hard feelings.
Blizzardman: So how did you guys not die, anyway? Retcon?
Drillman: Nope. Mesmerman. It was all an illusion. Planned from the start. Seriously!
Pharaohman: So the CC are back in force! Except Ringman and Skullman. Speaking of which...
(Skullman kills Knightman. The CC fight back and Regulus delivers the killing blow)
Cossack: So it is done. All of Zymeth's characters have been destroyed.
Toadgal and Centaurgal: We're still alive.
Toadgal: Uhm...I'll just go...train...for a few years.
Centaurgal: Yeah, that sounds good.
Blizzardman: I'll miss you, my love! Be safe!
RESULTS: Cairo destroyed, Wily keeps Kalingrad. Assassins, CC, and Cossack rejoin Cossackers. Frostman, Knightman, and Skullman die. Toad and Centaur leave. Windman stays with Wily. Slashman, CG, and TT are fine. What a shocker, huh? That the last Stage's shocker...didn't happen.
Scenario H:(Cape Canaveral, USA)
(The Seven Mercenaries defend the launchpad against Wily and the RPD)
Quint: It's time to come back Hyper Storm...
7M: One of us! One of us!
Nox: Agh! One of Mysteryman's illusions. No matter, I can use my magic to dispel it! (tears up the ground with an earth-elemental spell, the illusion dissipates)
Mysteryman: Huh? You couldn't have used a see-through-illusions spell or something?
Nox: My magic doesn't work that way.
Waveman (Makenshi): Alright Enker, let's see your spear match my trident!
Enker: Another Waveman? Weren't you a human last time?
Waveman: War Journal.
(While Mr.Whiz sneakily blows up the launch pad, Clownman and Tenguman destroy the blueprints needed to rebuild it. Almost as if the two invading factions were coordinated or something)
Dynaman: Geez we're lost. We were supposed to help Whiz sabotage the place hours ago. We're such screw-ups.
Blademan: Well, things can't get any worse for us.
Sinister Six: Halt, impostors!
Gila Gladiators: We quit.
RESULTS: Gila Gladiators quit. Torchman(Zaneroth) is killed for good measure. SA keep Cape Canaveral, but lose the main launch pad. Seven Mercenaries recapture Hyperstorm. The S6PC are back, baby!
Scenario G:(Himeji, Japan)
(Himeji is a place with a big castle. Now it is a smouldering war zone.)
Expressman: Why is Flashman saddled with us again?
Flashman: War Journal.
Multiman: Does anything important actually happen in the scenarios any more?
Geminiman: I've always wanted my own castle. As soon as I conquer this place and find my beloved Spark Chan, I can live out my ultimate fantasy.
Shoryu: Why not rescue mommy now?
Geminiman: If only I could, but I have no idea where to find her.
Mesmerman: Ever thought of asking me?
Geminiman: You know!?
(Bass, the Wily Rescue Force, and Flashman are attacking the castle)
Mesmerman: Hold on. *reads Doc Robots mind* I do now!
Doc Robot: Nooo! Must warn master! No time to retrieve the injured Bass!
Bass: So I'll just lay here then and wait for some background characters that have barely been involved so far to show up out of nowhere to save me? Ugh, I'll rot here...
RESULTS: Geminiman captures Himeji Castle. Topman, Constance, and Protoman rescue Bass. Geminiman prepares to invade Skull Space Station.
Scenario F:(Hong Kong, China)
(Wily's Warriors are locked in deadly combat with Wraithman!)
Quickman: Okay, we need a clever way to counter his darkness, and our guy that uses light as a weapon has joined the WRF for some War Journally reason. What else do we got?
Woodman: We should look for some fireworks.
Quickman: Come on, just because this is China doesn't mean there are fireworks just laying arou-oh, here's a big crate full of fireworks.
Crashman: I guess that'll have to do.
(The Warriors use the fireworks and hit-and-run tactics to herd Wraithman into a car lot where they set off all the cars' alarms at once. The flood of light and sound renders the dark robot helpless.
Wraithman: Noooo! Defeated by such an underhanded ruse! I'm dying! Isaiah 57... *dies*
Quickman: It's over. Now everything is alright and we're finally safe.
Wily: Come in Warriors! The base is being blown up! Come save us!
RESULTS: RPD gets the city and Wraithman's corpse because WW ran. Wraithman's out of War for good.
Scenario A:(Skull Space Station)
(Geminiman takes Shoryu, Chimeraman, and Heatman to Wily's base with the 7M's Marauder)
Quint: Hey, has anybody seen my spaceship? I coulda sworn I parked it right here...
Heatman: I want to die. Please let me die.
Chimeraman: Here, have some meth-I mean plutonium.
Heatman: Whoo! Let's burn this dump to the ground! I mean, 'locum incendamus'! Everything sounds classier when you say it in latin.
Geminiman: My love! I am here to rescue you!
ClassiCal: I do not even recognize you. I am only in love with Wily.
Geminiman: No! She has been reprogrammed! When and how did this happen?
ClassiCal: War Jo-
Geminiman: Yes, yes, War Journal, of course. Ugh.
Wily: Heatman is making a huge mess of things! But my forces should overwhelm him provided he doesn't get a hold of my remaining plutonium...oh no!
(Heatman transforms into Magma Dragoon and becomes god-like)
Wily: To the escape pods!
(Geminiman steals Classi away. Wily's forces escape. Ben explodes one final time and reforms as a small fox kid drifting endlessly in space)
RESULTS: Wily loses another base. That kid with the same name as Ben is on his own after landing with his escape pod. Ben is a corpse floating in space. Classi is now a captive of the SA
Scenario I? What Scenario I? It never existed. You didn't see anything.
(Grytviken is a place in Antarctica. The Scissor Army is there trying to melt the polar ice caps)
Mysteryman: How is the evil melting machine coming along?
Scissor Joe:We've hit a snag sir. It turns out Grytviken isn't in Antarctica at all.
Scissor Joe:Yeah, seems we're on an island in the South Pacific instead. The Antarcic Circle is about a thousand miles away.
Mysteryman: Well crap, that could explain why all the ice was already missing even though it's the dead of winter...
Scissor Joe:Actually, in the southern hemisphere, it's summer at this time of year.
Mysteryman: Fascinating stuff. Well, keep the human scientist captives working anyway. It's too late to admit our mistake.
(The Wily's Warriors trudge through the snow on a patrol for the Scissor Army)
Quickman: Cutman may hold Wily hostage, but if we're crafty we should still be able to take these jerks down from the inside without getting the old man in trouble. As long as not every Wilybot fails in some way this Stage it should be fine. What are the odds of that happening?
Metalman: What's his problem?
Woodman: He's been all dark and emo ever since the space station blew up with his totally mysterious and awesome background story still on it. Whatever that was.
Quickman: No one cares, Iga.
Mesmerman: Guess what Deep Impact? Now I can directly control the Evil Energy in your systems! You're mine now! Just try and struggle against it!
Searchman: Assessment of suggestion: too much work.
Grenademan: Let's just submit to Mesmerman and go ruin the SA's plans for him,
Aquaman: Yeah, and kill the human captives!
Mesmerman: Um...I didn't tell you guys what to do yet.
RESULTS: SA keeps the territory, but their operations are delayed. DI kills the captive scientists. WW play along with SA but help DI until they find out they're crazy.
(Bagdhad is a place with a smouldering war zone. Now it is a smouldering war zone.)
Napalmman: Alright men, blow up the oil refineries, collect Mesmerman's broken bodies, kill any humans hanging around, and don't die while you're at it!
Gyroman: Hey, some human soldiers. Looks like an easy kill for me.
(The human soldiers kill Gyroman)
Corporal Walter: How d'ya like that, bitch!?
Plantman: Good work, fellows. Of course, you couldn't have done it without my help. After all, I am so amazingly heroic and spectacu-(Walter shoots Plantman in the head)
Corporal Walter: Get over yourself, pansy! Damn I'm badass. I wonder what kind of sprite could possibly encapsulate my manliness?
(Stoneman has gone all Sandman)
Ivan: We need a clever way to defeat Stoneman.
Tomahawkman: Hmmm...perhaps...we could spray him in oil...and then light him on fire.
(The plan works)
Waveman: Kyaa hah hah haaah! I just get more and more crazy!
Flameman: We need a clever way to defeat Waveman.
Blizzardman: I know, we'll spray him in oil and then light him on fire.
(It works again)
Tomahawkman: We're doing great, and the Androids are taking heavy losses! We're awesome!
(Stoneman sandstorms Tomahawk and Ivan to lifeless scrap)
RESULTS: The Androids get away with several Mesmer corpses, but without Gyroman. Plant, Tomahawk, and Ivan die. Walter gets to go home. The CC lurk in the background and Drill is all Mesmerey. Cossack gets a few Mesmer corpses to experiment on too.
Scenario H:(Center of the Earth)
Artilleryman: So can I get paid now? Seriously?
Cossack: Heh, no. But who else are you going to work for? Wily? Hah!
Omniman: (communicates Artilleryman) Work for us again!
Artilleryman: Ugh. Fine. So where do I meet you?
Omniman: The center of the Earth.
(Artilleryman undergoes a long and reference-heavy journey to the center of the Earth.)
Omniman: Behold! The Scissor Army's experimental earthquake-generating facility. Cutman may hold Wily hostage, but if we're crafty we should still be able to take these jerks down from the inside without getting the old man in trouble. As long as not every Wilybot fails in some way this Stage it should be fine. What are the odds of that happening?
Artilleryman: Okay, now what?
Golemman: WE SMASH STUFF!
Artilleryman: Shut up, Golem. Omni, what's the plan?
Omniman: Um...we smash stuff?
Artilleryman: You morons do that and attract all the security forces' attention. I'll go sabotage things my way.
Omniman: I sure am glad we called you in!
(After some mindless rampaging, Chimeraman shows up to stop them)
Chimeraman: Artillery, you don't think these shmucks are really gonna pay you, do you? Work for me, I'll pay you!
(The E8 escape the imploding base, but Omni and Golem are too damaged and are left broken underground)
Artilleryman: So when do I get paid?
Chimeraman: I'll get back to you on that.
RESULTS: Center of the Earth facility is destroyed. Omni and Golem are left underground to rot. Artillery starts to work for Chimera in secret.
(After a brief showdown, Warpman accidentally transports everyone to Mesmerman's hidden underground factory)
Junkman: Sorry Slash, but everyone else on the team is dead.
Slashman: Look! Freezeman!
(DM and F5 work together to kill Freezeman)
Junkman: Okay, now we're the last members on the team...and you're under arrest.
RESULTS: The DM and F5 defeat Mesmerman and access his computer, finding the loaction of Eden! That information would prove to be critical in launching an attack on Mesmerman's final hiding spot if everyone had not immediately forgotten about it. The factory blows up and the two teams escape their separate ways.
(Canberra is a place where the humans hunt robots with a giant power-neutralizing killer robot that follows and protects a creepy little girl. But then it turns out...SHE is a robot!)
Makenshi: What a tweest!
Venus: Oh my god! Neptune's severed leg! He must be dead!
Mars: Or his leg just got ripped off. That's not exactly a fatal wound to robots.
Jupiter: Neptune is deeaaad! Whyyy!
RESULTS: WRF show up, fight a bit, and escape. CG lose Neptune. RPD wins city. The humans are robocidal assholes while Saturn is a homicidal asshole.
Scenario F:(New Delhi)
Sunstar: Great, I start working for Wily and now that means I'm working for the Scissor Army! ... I dunno why I'm bothering to protect him by following their orders....Go back where?...Well I'd like to but...Hey, leave me alone...what's so funny?
Dark Moon: Ummm, who are you talking to?
Nox: Clownman, Tenguman, and I are from the RPD. We're here to help defend this town.
Human Soldier: You cold help us evacuate.
Nox: Nah. Clown and Tengu can do the chump job. I'll go fight the COs.
Sunstar: This is a sorry predicament I'm in...be quiet, you're not helping...Come on, you-...Hey, don't use that tone with me!...My mother was a saint!...No, you!...That's it, screw everything! I'm running away!
Nox: Hey, if you guys run, then who am I going to fight?
RESULTS: Magnetman shows up and annihilates everything, supplying the scenario with an ending. Everyone loses.
Scenario C:(Washington D.C.)
(Washington is a place with a White House. Now it is a smouldering war zone.)
Naop: The president has been kidnapped Mr.Whiz. Are you bad enough Tyrants to rescue the president?
Vulcan: I may not be able to protect the president, but I can sure as hell have an epic swordfight with Quint.
(Quint quickly defeats Vulcan)
RESULTS: TT take President Weaving back to their camp. SA decimates the rest of the potomac.
Geminiman: That traitor Mesmerman left the SA! Wait a minute, doesn't Mesmerman control me? Shouldn't I have left the SA too? I still feel loyal to Cutman though. Then again, he probably doesn't trust me any more. I'd better leave the SA just to be safe.
Spark Chan: Oh Lenny, you're rescuing me! I knew you weren't really evil.
Geminiman: I'm still evil. I'm just taking you to my own private castle where we'll spend eternity alone together. And with Mesmerman...and Shoryu (but don't tell her we've left Poppa Cutman) and Shadowman, just as soon as he meets me in a duel.
Shadowman: Not this old shtick again.
Geminiman: Well, if I'm not going to fight you, who AM I going to fight?
Shadowman: I dunno. Yourself?
Geminiman and Mesmer Geminiman: ...! (They fight each other)
(Meanwhile, there is a massive, bloody battle in Monsteropolis)
Cutman: Well, it's been a fun massive bloody battle, but now I'm going to do something I could have done right from the very beginning.
(Cutman shuts down the entire RPD with the Shutdown Code and wins the War)
Topman: It's up to me, Constance, Bass, Protoman, Landigarm, and Snakeman in a Search Snake's body to save everyone!
RESULTS: Geminiman is good again. Light's freedom fighters rescue the Maniacs and friends. Cutman takes Monsteropolis and tomorrow...the WORLD!
Turns out I was Docman all along! Mwah hah hah hah!
RESULTS: Lots of politicians die.
(Wily's Warriors scheme together with the Cosmic Gladiators and the Fatal Five to take down the SA from the inside)
Sunstar: Good thing these jerks still haven't bothered to dissect our special Star Droid technology that conveniently allows us to communicate with our counterparts on the Cossack Faction without being detected.
Dark Moon: Oh, does that have to do with the voices in your head last Stage?
Sunstar: What voices in my head?
Quint: A mutiny? Well, the Seven Mercenaries are not about to have their own ship taken from them!
(The entire 7M team is defeated)
Quint: Okay, I surrender.
RESULTS: The good guys commandeer the Marauder.
(Massive final battle at SA HQ!)
Vulcan: Well, time to finish this War. No matter what, we're all in this together. Except Makenshi. You go do your own thing in a War Journal.
Makenshi: What? I'm involed in the plot.
Vulcan: Not any more you're not. This plot is about me and my emotional final showdowns with Crys and Napalm, Megaman's faceoff with Gravityman, Nox and Dustman's struggle against Stoneman, the CC's encounter with the Steel Devil and Zombie Multimen, and warfare with a big mess of Joes. There just isn't enough room for two Wavemen.
RESULTS: The Androids are all defeated. Megaman steals Gravityman's power and uses it to stop the WMDs. The Marauder shows up to finish off the SA. Makenshi dies killing his double, but that's in a separate War Journal.
Scenario D:(Camp Cossack)
(Mysteryman invades the camp!)
Astroman: We don't stand a chance here! We have to instantly teleport the Cossackers and the human refugees to Tech City!
Cossack: Wait, was that always an option?
(In Tech City, Astroman transforms into Naop and engages in an epic final battle with Mysteryman)
Junkman: They're not doing anything. They're just standing still facing each other.
Tenguman: It's a psychic battle. It's all on their heads.
Slashman: Sure is boring to watch, isn't it?
(In the mindscape, spectacular special effects and explosions!)
Groundman: Looks like it's ending.
(In the real world, Mysteryman's corpse falls over.)
Naop: Now let's see who the Mysteryman really is! (removes helmet) Gasp! He looks exactly like me!
Cossack: Yeah, I probably should have mentioned that earlier.
RESULTS: Mysteryman is killed. The Cossackers move to Tech City.
(London is where the RPD have set up their new headquarters. Now it is a smouldering war zone.)
Cutman: Docman is my soldier.
Mesmerman: No, he's my puppet.
Docman: Yay, people are fighting over me!
Quickman: Now that the F5 have taken over the Marauder, we can finally strike back against the SA directly without consequence.
Crashman: What about Wily?
Flashman: And now I'm over the whole dark soulless thing, so I can help! Yes, even if my original body was destroyed, my totally mysterious and awesome background story still exists.
Quickman: No one cares, Cyros.
Crorq: I may have been defeated in the last Stage, but this time- (Crorq is killed again)
Amatista: Who cares about the robots? As long as the human lives are saved!
(Several human officers and refugees are killed)
Tenguman: Okay Deep Impact, enough is enough already! Stop being evil!
Grenademan: But we're infected with Evil Energy, there's not much we can do about it.
Clownman: You could try fighting back.
Searchman: Too much work. Just kill us.
Flashman: Oh no, Magnetman! Now things are going to get really bad.
(Magnetman captures Docman and leaves, the day is saved)
RESULTS: Evil Deep Impact is neutralized. Docman is captured by Mesmerman. RPD HQ is hit hard and several bit characters die.
Scenario F:(Skull Castle)
Doc Robot: Must rescue Master!
Blizzardman: Must capture Wily.
Mesmerman: Must screw these guys over.
Blizzardman: Must kill an innocent human officer. Must show I am completely amoral in case no one picked up on that yet.
RESULTS: Wily is briefly rescued and then ends up back in SA captivity. Everyone else wastes a lot of time. Blizzardman gets away with murder again.
Scenario A:(Desert Gulch)
Cutman: Chimeraman, the Mechanical Maniacs are invading, go kill them.
Chimeraman: Yes sir!
Cutman: Evil Sinister Six, the Maniacs that Chimeraman is fighting are clearly a diversion. Hunt down the real Mechs inside the base and kill them.
Cut Chan: Yes sir!
Cutman: Shoryu, the S6 will surely fail to defeat the Maniacs. Send your army of tiny robotic spiders to assist them.
Shoryu: We're not going to hurt mommy though, right poppa?
Cutman: You're so adorable. Now go.
Shadowman: It's just you and us now Cutman.
Cutman: I knew I would have to fight you personally. (Unleashes his secret weapon)
(After several fierce battles, Cutman is defeated)
Cutman: Stupid world. I'm out of here.
Mesmerman: You still have to fight me!
Cutman: Stupid world!
RESULTS: Cutman dies. Desert Gulch is captured by the good guys. Shoryu returns to the side of good. Artilleryman betrays Chimeraman for Hardman. Constance runs off.